AIBU to challenge the stereotype that teenage girls are harder than teenage boys?

[Chocguzel]

When my girls were small everyone would tell me how teenage girls are nightmares and while female toddlers might be calmer you get payback in the teens whereas boys are much easier as teens.

I now have girls who are 19, 17 and 14 and a boy who is also 14.

my girls have all been fine as teenagers, they have stayed close to me, opened up about their lives, studied hard, had good friends. I’ve had moments of worry about their mental health and arguments about whether they can go out as late as they wish etc but on the whole I’ve not found them being teens hard.

My son at 14 has really clammed up. He was a lovely chatty and sweet little boy but now I find it impossible to connect with him. He never opens up about his life like the girls did so it’s hard to know what’s going on. He wants to listen to play football or listen to headphones 24/7 and not really engage with people off the football pitch. If I push it then he sits with us but is withdrawn and moody. He sometimes makes really dumb choices when out with friends and seems to have none of the common sense his sisters had to stay out of trouble. I really want to connect with him but it’s so hard. I’ve spoken to many friends with teen boys and he doesn’t seem unusual.

AIBU to suggest teen girls get a bad rap and teen boys are the challenging ones?

Kids are individuals - can we stop with the boy vs girl thing

this

99% of all gender disappointment threads on here are women being sad about having boys.

If there was a Dadsnet it would likely skew the other way.

I really don't think that's the case

The dads I know are very pleased with having girls too because "they're easier"

I had honestly no idea that girls were meant to be harder to parent than boys. Probably because it’s bollocks.
I have 4 daughters and one son. They were all different - because they’re different people- and all mostly easy.

My teenage girls are 14 and 15 and both hard work in their own way.
My friends with teenage boys are getting equally as hard a time at the moment though, for some of the same reasons as above.

Lots of ours are doing their GCSEs this year so there's huge stress that's not helping.

I totally agree with the kids are individuals comments. No I don’t agree with you op. My dd has anorexia and we are using specialist private care. The ED coach is very clear. I saved dd’s life.

Now I could argue as more girls have anorexia so they’re harder than boys. Equally I could say boys are more daredevil and more likely to do wreckless and at times illegal things. So that makes them harder than girls. Or perhaps I could just say everyone is an individual and life is.

I only have the one child. Since my dd has become friendly with boys again (which petered off in primary), I definitely have a renewed understanding of how amazing boys are.

Can we just say that some people are more tricky than others? And while I’m at it, I’d like to challenge the stereotype that a difficult toddler is an easy teen and vis versa. Load of rubbish. Dd was not an easy going toddler. Baby, yes, she was a dream once I got her into a very strict routine, which she loved and I followed to the letter. Before that, she was all over the shop.

Agreed. I have a teenage ds and a teenage dd and have also taught teenagers for 30 years. My dd is/was no more difficult than my ds and generally I have dealt with far, far more difficult teenage boys than girls. I've taught in boys' schools, girls' schools and mixed schools. The girls' schools have been by far the easiest - no comparison.

@Radra But I know different dads...

Ok. I mean this whole thread is about opinions so there we go.

I wonder how much of it is because people often have 2 dc, one of each gender so do directly compare? My mum is 1 of 7 and my dad 1 of 4 (mix of sexes) and all my aunts & uncles had 3 plus dc. I am quite different to my sisters and personality wise more similar to my brother & dad. My parents only found 1 of my sisters difficult as a teen but it wasn't because she was a girl just a different personality. Similar stories for my cousins.

I think it’s because girls are definitely seen as the wanted sex in babies and young children and boys are very much the booby prize. That isn’t my personal opinion before anyone shouts at me but there is definitely an element of disapproval about boys over the age of two. So people counteract one stupid prejudice with another.

@NorthernGirl1981 that may be his experience but it does defy every statistic we know about behaviour. Boys are overwhelmingly on the whole more likely to be disciplined for disruptive behaviour.

I have a theory that sometimes mums find daughters hard and men find sons hard. I think it's to do with expectations

But on sons, i always find it odd they are seen as easy because when you look at things, boys do worse in education are more likely to end up in prison, have more car accidents, more likely to not be in education or training etc.

In my experience it's just more ups and downs with girls. Hormones and perhaps being prepared to show more emotion make it seem harder. But that's my experience and everyone is different which I think is the point!

Based on my experience and that of my friends, teenage boys are easier than girls.

I find it so sad that boys are seen as the Booby prize to some people ☹️

Boys are so amazing!!!!

Puberty is hard for teens whatever sex they are. They respond in different ways to that and what is going on around them socially. My DD15 is unaffected by the social expectations of female teens as she goes to a single sex school. I think most of these nonsense stereotypes are down to socialisation.

I have 2 of each sex, (not gender) they were all brought up the same. One of each caused problems in their teenage years,2 didn't.. The problem daughter,had a problem son (spoilt only child) the none problem DD now has a problem DD and is finding it hard!

It's utterly bizarre to think that any given teenager's "difficulty" level is down to their sex. Try seeing them as individuals and not just representatives of Girls and Boys.

Sounds like you need to work on your relationship with your son rather than worry whether stereotypes are unreasonable, he sounds a bit shut down. Did you not just watch adolescence?
I think you need to try to find common ground with him and foster a better relationship where he feels secure enough to open up to you. Boys do communicate differently to girls imo, especially during the teen years. There's a lot of reading between the lines, boys often tell you they're worried without actually telling you they're worried. Do you spend much one to one time with him?

My first baby was a boy (still is a boy obviously!) It just so happened the NCT group I was part of all had girls. There is definitely less tolerance towards DS than the girls, which can be a bit frustrating.

Stereotyping is so lazy. We are all individuals with different personalities. My sons could not be the more opposite of this. My oldest in particular has always been emotionally intelligent and confided in us throughout his teen years and beyond. That’s because he is him. Not just a ‘boy’.

We need to stop stereotyping. It causes us to limit our expectations of our children and can lead to us condoning poor behaviour.

I have a 15y old DS and 13y old DD. DS in some ways was harder because he talked a lot less about what was going on in his life, but looking back now, it’s because there actually was a lot less ‘going on’. He’d go to school, play football at lunchtime, do sport after school and play online games with his mates. There was no falling out with his friends, no online bullying, no wanting to be out at parties every weekend, his life was pretty simple really.

DD talks an awful lot more about her life, but the drama with teen girl friendships is never ending. They are always falling out with each other, getting frozen out of friendship groups, sending horrible messages to each other online, bitching about who should/shouldn’t be on sports teams, wanting to be out every weekend and being sneaky about what they are doing. I find emotionally, parenting DD is harder as there is constantly something to parent. The hardest thing about parenting DS is all the driving about to his sports fixtures - and the constant feeding him!