DD independence vs childhood

[Thefrenchconnection1]

DD is 17.5. She has a full time office job and drives. She lives at home but has a partner who she stays with sometimes.

She wants to be treated as an adult and have the freedom of an adult but she does not want to have any of the responsibilities.

For example, she will message me and call me during work time about things that can wait. She asks for help with stuff but never offers help e.g. asks me to put stuff to cook for her separate from mealtimes but if I ask her to empty the dishwasher it's seen as a favour to me.

She suffers with panic attacks so I usually answer in case it is a panic attack and feel stressed every time she is out because often there is a drama like a bus not turning up or wanting a lift home earlier than agreed due to not wanting to be there anymore.

She does pay a small amount of board.

I'm getting stressed at the demands and want some boundaries. Aibu?

Well she’s a teen - so neither an adult nor a child.

Help her to work towards adulthood by setting some boundaries. She has to do some chores, she does not get to make endless demands. And stop answering the phone when you’re busy - she is unlikely to be having a panic attack, and if she does, she does - yon can’t be held to ransom over it.

How does she "cope" at work? I'm betting none of this happens while she's there. I think you would be doing her a favour if you stopped pandering to her.

Set up a rota - she cooks twice a week, she empties the dishwasher every other day, she cleans the kitchen/bathroom/livingroom/stairs once a week, she mows the lawn every other month, takes the bins out, she does the big shop...

You need to prepare her to stand on her own 2 feet. Teach her some life skills before she leaves home or she will panic even more!

Thank you I have taught her how to do everything and she is perfectly capable just chooses not to.
I wasn't sure I was being too harsh to put some rules in place but you have all agreed so that's good enough for me.