DP’s crazy ex - does it ever get better?

[Letmeloose]

DP warned me about his crazy ex when we first got together, but years later I had no idea how bad it would actually be. I dismissed his ‘crazy ex’, thinking it was probably something my DP was exaggerating or perhaps he had cheated on her etc.

We share a child and he has one with his ex. Every time something significant happens in our lives, she does something crazy. Bogus police reports, abusive emails that are pages long, opening fraudulent maintenance claims, starting and then dropping court proceedings,
constant threats, alienating their child and telling them they aren’t welcome back in the house unless they side with her. She has not targeted any abusive at me directly, it has all been at my DP or their child. She hated my partners ex and was abusive towards her. We’ve tried to report her for some of these things and are told they are civil disputes and the police won’t get involved.

DP is now going through courts for stable access and they’ve just sent the report over which details her history. It shows a long history of her being abusive to her partners, her exes, exes of her partners. There’s a report of her being verbally abusive to and criminal damage of her current partner’s former wives car. It shows she has made numerous police reports about allegations of abuse, rape, violence, against all of her past partner and current partner, this includes my DP. All of her police reports have been closed with no further action. Lots of social services reports against her, suicide attempts, self harm.

I am just tired of it all, the constant ‘drama’ and fear of what is coming next. I’m scared for my own reputation and if she starts to make allegations against me, or comes to my house, or somehow manages to access my child. I’ve suggested to my DP we report her for her more serious things to the police or demand someone to take us seriously or report to social services, but he’s terrified to because of the potential impact on his child.

I love my DP and want to be with him and support him but I feel constantly anxious. I just can’t see how it will get any better, she seems genuinely mentally unwell.

Has anyone experienced this? Does it get any better?

Do you say the same to the female victims of abuse? Didn’t think so.

Everything being talked about in this thread and your concentrating on this 🤦‍♀️

Does this have to be brought up every single time there is an unplanned pregnancy?
Yes, obviously it takes two but if woman is on the contraceptive pill there really is very minimal risk of pregnancy.

Is it now the case we need to teach our sons that any woman claiming to be on the pill is most likely a liar and they should wear condoms until the woman is at least 55?

Well this is MN, where all men are bastards, all women are victims.

And tbh I think a lot of “unplanned” pregnancies aren’t as unplanned as people would have us believe. Women on here fall pregnant weeks/months into relationships with startling regularity on here. Given the pill is 99% effective the majority of those have to either have been planned in order to secure the relationship or have a child, or alternatively there are a lot of women not using their contraception properly. Either way genuinely unplanned pregnancies really aren’t as common as some on MN would have us believe.

OP, a friend of mine’s DH had an equally awful ex. She tried making demands/constantly broke the court orders for access/told his kids that he’d left her for my friend (he hadn’t)/made malicious reports about him/my friend/my friend’s DC.

In the end because of her constantly breaking the court orders, and because the eldest was old enough to have an opiio, friend’s DH was given primary residency. And the kids gradually stopped going to her’s. And now that they’re adults they’re NC.

Unfortunately not all children will follow that path, but most do at least acknowledge how toxic their parent is, and then it takes time.

Is it now the case we need to teach our sons that any woman claiming to be on the pill is most likely a liar and they should wear condoms until the woman is at least 55? tbh I think so to a large extent.

I have certainly told my DS that he should use contraception regardless of what the woman claims because if she does fall pregnant he will still be responsible for it. He said to me that most people his age with half an ounce of common sense do anyway, not just because of unwanted pregnancy but because of STD’s.

Obviously I have told my son about condoms and protection from STD's.
My issue is how many times women desperate for a 4th baby accidentally fall pregnant despite their husband having been clear he doesn't want the baby. They then post on here saying he is uninterested in the pregnancy and multiple posters gleefully point out if the husband didn't want the baby he should have had the snip or abstained...
I don't want to bring my son up believing that no woman, not even your wife is to be trusted but it looks like it is unfortunately the only way.

@BridezillasistaIm sorry but this is awful, you had to ‘cut ties’ with your husband’s own child? So leaving the child to cope with their mums issues on their own, whilst you both (and it is ultimately your husbands responsibility) get to swan off and have a nice life? That poor child, they didn’t ask for this.

Yes I've never wanted kids and managed to deal with my contraception effectively. Everyone else I know who didnt want kids has also managed to do the same. I do often think these unplanned/accidental pregnancies are actually wanted deliberate pregnancies - subconsciously, and therefore the contraception is a bit lax compared to women who genuinely do not want to get pregnant.

Men need to use condoms if they don't want to have children. They need to take responsibility too. She got pregnant within the first month of the relationship.That is far too early to stop using them. So yes, men are to blame and you do need to educate your sons.I'm afraid

But anyway this isnt the topic of this thread. But yes it is unfortunate the mother of his child has turned out to be a complete psychopath.

Bpd.?

with the DC now a teen realistically how much contact is needed? The teen can decide contacts surely and stick to that and your partner grey rocks the shit of out the ex. There should be very little need for contact.

This. Just go completely NC. She hates it, and said he NEEDS to talk to her, but he doesn’t. DC are adults, there is nothing he needs to discuss with her. For the record, we are pretty sure she has BPD.