To think my friend is being unfair by ignoring me after I apologised?

[AdeptEagle]

Friend and I had a heated discussion where we weren’t seeing eye to eye. She kept talking over me and wouldn’t let me get a word in. She then hung up on me mid-conversation. I called back hoping to sort it out but she still wasn’t letting me speak, and in frustration, I eventually told her to get lost. Now she’s completely ignoring me and won’t even give us a chance to talk.

I’ve apologised for my reaction but she won’t acknowledge me at all. AIBU to think she should at least hear me out?

Wide berth and avoid her..

She sounds like a drama queen. And a cunt.

When did this happen?

What was the disagreement? Something personal or politics?

When did this happen?
Maybe she needs to cool down.

I think you need to leave it a while, and let everyone calm down.

It's Friday afternoon. People are tired and stressed. Give it time

Whether YABU really depends on what the discussion was about.

However, as she doesn’t have to be your friend if she doesn’t want to, she is completely entitled to never speak to you again. Regardless of any details.

It happened on Wednesday evening. It was a personal disagreement and emotions ran high. I regret how I reacted but I feel like being completely ignored now is a bit extreme. We had plans for today/this weekend too so I guess that won’t be happening.

Leave things for a week and let thing settle. You’ll probably find she may contact you. Give each other a breather. Maybe having some time to reflect on how you also manage emotions - what’s that saying - we can’t manage others emotions but we can manage our own. If she is an important friend, I’d avoid (should you be), thinking about who was right / wrong and more about how in the future you’d like to manage conflicts of differences of opinions too. Hope it works out

Neither of you sound like "friends", but if she doesn't want to continue the freindship she is perfectly at liberty to decide that.

Does she need time to calm down or let things settle before talking it out? Some people can’t quickly switch to sorting things out mode.

She doesn’t have to accept your apology, she doesn’t have to accept whatever happened originally, and she doesn’t have to be your friend.

In general I don’t think it’s very mature or sensible to ignore somebody, but she’s under no obligation to you.

Send a message saying that you hope the friendship can continue once she’s had some time to cool off, but that you assume for now the weekend plans are off.

It’s very rude not to let people speak.

It’s very rude not to let people speak

Depends what they’re saying. I won’t sit and listen to stuff I find offensive.

This, I would not want to be friends with people who shout me down.

People are still entitled to finish a sentence without being interrupted, even when they’re talking crap. Basic manners.

Maybe OP is the cunt. We don't know and it's weird you to assume

Impossible to judge without knowing the context and what you both said. But she clearly needs some space and doesn’t want to talk to you so let her have her space

This is very much a 'two sides to every story' situation.

Your view is that your friend kept talking over you, you reacted by snapping at her and she hung up in a strop and is now sulking and giving you the silent treatment to punish you until she decides you've suffered enough and gets in touch.

I strongly suspect that your friend's view, however, is that you kept talking at her when she'd clearly had enough, then said something absolutely appalling that she can't forgive, and you now think that saying sorry can just undo the damage and that you're entitled to her time and energy in clearing the air, while she wants nothing more to do with you ever again.

Nobody owes you forgiveness and nobody owes you closure, ultimately. She's entitled to feel that your friendship isn't worth salvaging.

I'll be honest - generally speaking, if I have massive heated rows with someone, I tend to take it as a sign that the friendship isn't a healthy one and I walk away. I don't need the drama of big emotional conflicts in my life.

Why does she have to accept your apology?

Why does she have to have anything more to do with you?

Just because you want something to happen doesn’t mean other people also want it to happen.

Well, no. They're not entitled to anything of the sort. Nobody is entitled to be listened to simply because they want to speak.

This was a heated row about a personal matter between friends, not a formal debate or an interview on Newsnight. In a conversation, people really do not have to listen to anyone rant at them or insult them or repeat the same points over and over again with no hope of resolution, and they are allowed to say 'I'm not going to listen to this any more'.

I strongly doubt the OP was calmly and politely trying to present a well-reasoned point that would have solved the argument to everyone's mutual satisfaction, to be honest. It was an angry argument and I strongly doubt that 'basic manners' played much of a role on the OP's side any more than they did for her friend.

Friends are meant to make our lives better / more enjoyable - this friendship sounds more drama than it’s worth

Put it all in a WhatsApp/text/email. She might still ignore it - but she can’t interrupt it.