To say it doesn’t bother me when people mistreat me?

[ThisFirmPoet]

I’ve come to realise that how people treat me says more about them than it does about me. I’ve learned to detach emotionally from the way others behave towards me - if they’re rude or disrespectful, that’s their issue, not mine. I don’t feel the need to get upset or retaliate. Is this unhealthy or just a better way to protect my peace?

Did something in particular make you realise this about people, or has it been a slow realisation?

What people? Strangers or acquaintances fine yes, normal not to care. But I would be hurt if a good friend or one of my close family were rude or disrespectful to me.

A bit of both really. There were definitely moments where certain experiences made me step back and think, ‘Wow, that says alot about them, not me.’ But over time, I’ve also just come to see patterns in people’s behaviour and how little it actually has to do with me personally.

I get that. With close friends or family, it can sting more, but I’ve learned that even then, their actions are a reflection of where they’re at rather than a statement about me. It doesn’t mean i don’t care - it just means I don’t take it personally.

I agree but if this was a person I see regularly
Work colleague for example then I would speak up.
Otherwise you are lacking boundaries.
Person in the street/ shop etc just ignore and walk away
Work colleague-remind them regarding professional behaviour
OH/ friend/ family -one off I would ask if they were OK
Repeated nastiness/ demeaning/ abuse - permanent distance/!

I agree with the general idea that others don't think about you half as much as you thinks they do, because everyone is in a bubble of their own perceptions/ wants etc...

I have come to realise that I'm 'lucky' because, growing up, my parents were very careful to tell me that 1. no one would ever be interested in me and 2. I was worthless. My default position is that no one is interested in me or cares about me. It still always comes as a slight surprise when others notice me. What I mean is, I am sort of where you are, OP, but coming at it via a different angle.

I’d need examples. How extreme are we talking?

How often does this happen to you? Do you mean friends and colleagues, or the general public in a public-facing role? I am not sure I would tolerate regular mistreatment from people I know.

I agree mostly with this. If it’s someone you’re not emotionally attached to then it’s easier to step back and see their behaviour is a response to something they’re going through and not about you.
But when it’s someone close and they behave badly it’s harder because you expect an element of consideration of your feelings or the impact on you. Even if you know things are difficult for them, there are boundaries.
Then it’s usually upsetting, especially when they don’t acknowledge their behaviour. If you truly care about someone it’s normal to be hurt when they upset you?
My ex regularly ghosted me when he upset me and would never make contact or apologise. That’s why he’s an ex. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

I am like this but have been like this most of my life. Especially when somebody just appears to not like me but for no actual reason.

I am of the view that is their problem not mine.

It is a great way to BE. And is actually a True Reality!

How often does this happen? With the exception of the odd abrasive stranger doing something relatively minor like pushing in front of me in a queue or not saying thank-you when I hold a door open etc I can’t think of the last time anybody treated me rudely or disrespectfully. Which is how it should be. If you deliberately take the attitude that you’re going to allow people in your life to treat your poorly it’s just going to keep happening, and the cumulative effect of that is ultimately going to have an impact on your wellbeing no matter how hard you try not to care.