DH not home

[ditzzy]

DH is out on a hobby this evening, it’s a 20 minute drive away.

He quite often nips to the pub on the way home with the others who do the hobby, and I’m usually asleep by the time he gets back, although if he doesn’t do the pub bit he would be home by 10.30pm.

I’ve just woken up randomly and he’s not here. I’ve sent him a WhatsApp which isn’t showing as “read” and shows he was last seen on WhatsApp at 11.13pm which would make sense for a leaving pub time.

I realise it would be overreacting to call the police at this point, but what do I do? I have two sleeping DDs so can’t leave the house (and don’t actually know which pub they go to so can’t drive back along his route to look) and I don’t know who else would have been there.

Try phoning him?

Have you tried calling him ? Could he have gone to a friend's house or on to a club ? Or not the type of person?
Maybe he had broke down and waiting on assistance. And hasn't wanted to wake you up.
Hopefully he shows up soon

He’s not the type of person to go on to a club. He might have gone to a friends house (but I don’t know who’s).

The message I sent still isn’t showing as read. I was trying that instead of calling as he might be driving. But yes, common sense would be to try calling

Any news?

Have phoned, he’s driving home at the moment, apparently fell asleep on a friend’s sofa. Very odd, but all ok. Maybe he usually gets back this late and I just don’t realise because I’m asleep!

I would definitely have tried calling rather than sitting there worrying.

Hmmmmm.
Sounds strange. Surely he would have sent an explanatory WA, even if he thought you'd be ssleep

I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting when I first woke up it just got more extreme as it got later. I don’t track his movements all the time, but as he has health conditions that make him sleepy maybe I need to suggest a find my phone type app.

I wouldn’t call and make him panic there was a problem at home (or make him think I have a problem with him going out) unless really needed

Agree, when he woke up he could have sent me a message, but he never thinks of that, which obviously makes me worry more. If I’d been asleep I’d not have picked it up until morning

I think after this, he needs to consider your feelings!
Glad he is safe, he needs to do a lot of grovelling!

Thanks all! I’m going to try to go back to sleep now and have a chat with him in the morning about communications

So you posted on mumsnet before calling him

Then you called him and he answered 😳

Username definitely checks out.

Not necessarily. Depends what OPs message said. If it was "Call me ASAP, I'm not going to sleep until I hear from you!" then fair enough.

If it was just a "You still out?" / "What time are you home?" and he's seen it way past her bedtime, I'd say it fine to just head home and not risk waking her with a message beep.

Fell asleep but ok to drive home?

So either drink driving or something else....

Yes I am cynical.

Very cynical. The guy has health issues so he’s too tired to call home and update his family before he falls asleep in someone else’s house, then can drive home refreshed after his nap. Hopefully this doesn’t happen in the day when he’s at work, and doesn’t have a friends house to get too for an immediate nap before he has time to get home or call 🙄

I would find it extremely odd ( and suspicious) if my DP did this. I would assume he’s probably having an affair tbh. Randomly “falling asleep “ after a hobby at a mates house???

Glad to hear it! I’ve only been using ditzzy for about 16 years and I can’t remember which I was using before that 🤣

Honestly, MN used to be a supportive place now it’s full of suspicion and doubters.

You’ll have seen during your detective work that I’ve been posting recently to support someone with a DH with sleep apnea and if it’s not disappeared yet (I put it on 30 days only) I’m looking into whether DH is developing dementia. So hopefully the story stacked up.

I was having a middle of the night panic and wanted a hand hold while waiting to see if he picked up my message. I didn’t immediately call because a message is less intrusive if he was in a situation (helping a friend etc, or even distraction while driving).

I was just after someone to talk to looking for reassurance that I wasn’t being unreasonable in chasing him up for not being home at 1am.

He falls asleep everywhere if he sits down and isn’t concentrating, hence he’s fine driving home because he’s concentrating but not fine if he’s dropped someone home after the hobby and accepted the offer to come in for a coffee.

He should have let me know, hopefully he will next time.

Thanks to those who did jump on and help. All is fine, and I felt better about harassing him for your support.

I am confused as to why you didn’t call before you posted! Would have answered your question immediately!
I’m a worrier about accidents etc rather than cheating and have the app so we can see where each other are and it helps.

Ah the old accidentally turned phone off and went back to friends house after the pub (not drinking because driving) then fell asleep for a bit on friends sofa while they left me there and went on up to bed…woke up, looked at phone, oops how did that get turned off, silly me, turned phone on, started driving home and answered call from wife.

Nothing remotely suspicious here at all

@ditzzy rather suspicious dont you think???? how can you say he would be home at 10.30pm if you are usually asleep?

He does exactly the same hobby every week! Sometimes he gets home at 10.30 (if he hasn’t gone to the pub after) at which time I’m sometimes awake sometimes asleep, sometimes he goes to the pub after and gets home later. I don’t often wake up when he comes in because he sleeps in a different room (due to the sleep apnea) so I have no idea what time he comes in usually.

I woke up last night for no apparent reason, realised he wasn’t home, and in my dazed panicked state thought MN might be supportive to help me avoid overreacting.

I don’t actually see anything suspicious here other than alerting me to the fact I’m obviously more worried about his poor health impacting his daily routines than I thought I was

Has this turned into an amateur sleuthing thread 🤔

If someone came into my house after dropping me home after a hobby, and fell asleep on my sofa, I’d wake them and send them home. Did the friend just go to bed?

Most of the friends are younger so there may well have been a group of them sitting and drinking (he was not drinking hence giving them a lift home) and they would have left him sleeping while they chatted around him.