DH not helping in the evenings

[FairyDoor1]

DH just stormed off to bed…

This evening I have -

cooked food (homemade) for all
washed up after food
DH sat at the table (he eats late) on his phone the entire time
DH then had his food and put a film on for himself (v.gory) at 7pm
I cleaned our youngests teeth, put him to bed and read him a story
Spent ages nagging our older to do his chores (clear table, sweep floor and dust) before he relaxes for the evening.

I had a bath, read for a while then came downstairs-the living room was a bomb site! Food all over the floor, toys everywhere, crumbs, cushions on the floor etc. DH laying there half dozing. I should have left it but I was furious so I turned the light full on and angry cleaned 🧼

Told him how I had done everything tonight and it wasn’t fair - his answer was - so I take it you’re not going out tomorrow night then? (I’m going to see a play) I told him I knew he would use my going out as a weapon against me.

Just ranting!

Fucking arsehole😡
Am raging on your behalf

Does he even care that being on his phone constantly is damaging to his children ?

Bell end, hope you’re ok leave it all and go to bed!

No, it doesn’t sound good at all. Is he always like this or is it a one off? Do you both work full time?

What's the significance of tomorrow?! One person in a household doesn't sit on their arse while the other one is run ragged!!!

I presume he's suggesting that because you are going out and he'll be home with the kids, you have to work yourself into the ground tonight?!

They are his kids too, and he lives in that house. He should think of all the tasks he'd have to do if he was on his own.

I’m regularly battling with our oldest to put his phone away and I have a no phones at the dinner table rule for him but DH (cos he’s not eating anything) just sits there tapping away on his phone the whole time.

So you make one of your children do chores, but one of the parents lies there doing nothing.

Wow, what a prince!! Parenting and marriage should be 50/50. Using your upcoming night out as a weapon, instead of acknowledging that he could have helped is just low. I'd have a proper conversation about the allocation of tasks at another time, when you aren't upset or angry.

He works full time and I’m home with the children right now but he was off yesterday and today.

Monkey see, monkey do. He is teaching your children very actively. Also very badly.

Get back into work.
Then leave him.

Not "helping" or not "parenting ?

No wonder you have such a hard time getting your eldest to do chores - DC is getting a rotten example from his father.

On the going out, I’d have said “I am absolutely still going out and I expect to come home and find that the kids were fed, put to bed and the house tidied up!!! In short I expect you to do everything tomorrow that I did tonight. And maybe after that we can start sharing the work!”

Also really sad he doesn’t want to spend any time with the DC reading stories or watching something age appropriate with the older one.

How old is your eldest?

No wonder your kid doesn’t wanna do his chores. He sees an adult in the house doing fuck all and probably wonders “Why should I if he gets away with it”