to wonder why no one asks me any questions?

[user7889001]

I had a week off last week and returned to work this week, my colleague (Sue) also had the same week off. We were having lunch together and i asked her if she enjoyed her week off and she spoke in great detail about everything she did. Finally finishes telling me every single thing she did, sits in silence doesn't ask how mine was (she knew I was off too). Another colleague comes for lunch and first thing Sue asks her is how her weekend was.

Then with other members of the team when someone returns after a holiday I always say when they arrive how was you week off but when i return I struggle to get an hello off anyone, but then I hear other staff chatting with each other about their weekends off or holidays.

So now I'm wondering what's wrong with me? Why does no one want to make conversation with me?
I know it sounds pathetic but I am quite a socially anxious person.

It’s not you, it’s them. I often take the role of ‘listener’ and never get asked about myself. I don’t think it’s a ‘me problem’ because I have to keep people at arms length otherwise they get too friendly which I don’t want.
I think it’s just that I’m a natural empath and I’m not self absorbed like these weirdos.

I honestly wouldn’t take it personally at all. Most people love the sound of their own voice! I suspect Sue was asking the other person how their week was so that she could regale them with her stories!

The workplace is also unlikely to be the place you’re going to have deep and meaningful conversations with people you really get on with. I really wouldn’t worry.

Same.
Like pp I find I get stuck listening to the in-depth details of everyone’s life. I may get a ‘so, how are you?’ 5 mins before they know I absolutely have to leave, so don’t have time to say anything anyway.
The times I’ve sat there whilst someone has waffled on thinking “I wish I’d never asked” 🙄

If it was just Sue, then it’s probably her. But if this happens consistently with a lot of people then it sounds like perhaps you’re missing conversational cues. Generally, conversation isn’t so much about repetitively taking it in turns at asking each other questions as it is following how the conversation is moving as to where you can pick up on something that’s been said that you relate to, add something to it, take it on a segue etc. Most people don’t wait to be asked a specific question, they’re just intuitive about taking cues. If you’re not doing that then you’re possibly coming across as not wanting to talk about yourself or having much to say.

If you already know you’re socially anxious and often struggle in conversation, have you thought about trying something like an improvisational comedy course? It sounds bonkers at first, but the purpose is to work in a fun and supportive atmosphere with other people who feel the same way as you do to learn and practice techniques and skills for building bravery, spontaneity and creativity for conversation and communication.

It’s interesting isn’t it. I was having a meal with some people and they were telling me about what their children and grandchildren were doing. They mentioned new jobs, promotions, holidays. No one asked about me and mine.

I must be a listener too I think.

I've noticed my colleague just butts in without being asked after someone has finished their story. Well you'll never guess what I did this weekend, or just I went to football on Saturday. Point being don't wait to be asked. People can be a bit selfish.

I'm the same OP.
It never ceases to amaze me how a lot of people just love banging on about themselves and go into great detail, name dropping loads of friends and family etc and assume you know who they are talking about.
And if I try and contribute anything about my life they stare blankly at me and revert the conversation back to themselves.
It's a real real pleasure when you meet someone who will actually have a two way conversation.

I was thinking this today. I would say to friends "what are you doing at the weekend....for your bday...have you booked any holidays..." but they never ask me. And I've had friends fall out with me because I didn't tell them I'd done/gone xyz but if anyone asked I'd tell them!!

Totally get what you mean!! I have this all the time!!

It’s not you. They were raised by wolves zero social skills. There is no excuse for this behaviour in adults.

Your anxiety makes you centre yourself. You think others are behaving in a certain way because of you; they're not. Other people's behaviour rarely has anything to do with us.

I worked in an office once where no one said hello or goodbye. It was just the way the culture was and had nothing to do with me.