To wonder why I’m like this?

[Theroadnottravelled]

I’m married with 2 girls (3 and 5) who are great fun but high maintenance. I work full time (so does DH) and do a high percentage of the chores and school/nursery runs (I drive, DH doesn’t) I have really high anxiety. I’m overwhelmed at work and have imposter syndrome. I’m exhausted at home, after dinner and bedtimes I just go to sleep myself. I have no life really. I used to be fun and confident and do lots of things and be good at my job but now I’m a shadow. What happened to me? I’m worried that it’ll all get too much one day.

You have 2 very young children and you're working full time. You're exhausted because your life is very full on right now.

I'm not sure I've got any solution but things like bedtime do tend to get a bit easier as they get older. Not packing too much in at weekends or when you're not working if you are able to can help you get a bit of down time.

You poor thing. You sound to be terribly overwhelmed. Can you ask your husband to take over the majority of chores if you're doing all the driving? Xx

Why are you doing the majority of the chores and runs? What’s your husband doing?

You sound wired. You're having to manage everything seemingly with no support and you're stressed to the eyeballs.

It's time to have a conversation with your husband.

My only advice would be to recognise that how you feel is perfectly normal given how demanding your life is right now.

So if your question is why am I like this? The answer is because you’re normal and having a normal reaction to your stressful life.

If you were on a childless holiday, drinking sangria, I’d bet you wouldn’t feel like a shadow.

Sending virtual hugs x

Thank you all so much. You’ve given me a lift. My DH is self employed and works long(er) hours. I think because our 3yr old is still at the tantrum stage, it’s all a bit draining. I’d love to work part time but can’t afford to. That said, full time nursery is a killer. I know we’re better off than some but when did life just become about survival?

It will get easier as the children get a bit older.

Are you able to hire a cleaner? Or let your standards drop a bit? You don’t bother ironing do you? It’s totally unnecessary.

Also your DH could step up a bit - he may work longer work hours but how does it add up compared to your hours when you add in all your chores?

Working full time as a parent is absolutely exhausting! If it's an option maybe try taking some annual leave whilst the children are in nursery and school to take some time for yourself. Make arrangements with friends or DH or just plan something for yourself that you will enjoy.

They are also your husbands children....everything should be shared and work as a team. Let him know how you are feeling. Look after yourself x

God no wonder, I would absolutely not be able to do all of that so well done to you op! It feels hard and overwhelming because it is fucking hard and overwhelming.
What does your DH do? Mine works long hours too, but from home and on calls so he does jobs around the house while on calls. Is that possible for yours? I do a hands-on job so can’t do the same, so I know that’s not always possible.
Can you:

• both do 4 days a week/DH work a weekend day so 1 less day of nursery (less money and fewer tantrums? But, at home more so more mess&therefore chores!)
• Get a nanny or nanny share (genuinely may be cheaper than nursery + school clubs, and somebody else to do the driving?)
• DH step up however possible
• make sure you get some time to yourself on a weekend - eg one of you gets a lie in/time to self each weekend morning
• take a chunk of annual leave and keep kids in nursery/school and just get some headspace and make a plan to make some changes
• get a robot hoover (we’ve had a eufy for about 5 years and still going, recently bought a new one that also mops and honestly the house is so different now!)
• get rid of a lot of your stuff (this is a lot of effort! But again, house feels different)

Make sure your DH isn’t actively avoiding actively parenting by ‘working longer hours’.

I’m the mum of adult DC’s ( no grandchildren). If either of my DC’s felt like this I would be rushing around to help them. What I’m asking is their any family members who you can talk to, who might come and help?

Having kids is hard work, and social media etc show us happy families without the reality.

Is husbands business viable or are you supporting him as well (I’ve read too m any threads on mn where dh’s self-employed job is just an excuse for a ‘hobby’ and he’s not actually bringing in money, or ‘the big win’ is just around the corner)?

I think it’s time to sit down with dh and reevaluate who does what. Ask him to step up at weekends, or do more in the evenings, cook one or two meals a week etc.