To move or not to move?

[DangusDownSouth]

So DH and I have wanted to move from the town we live in for a while now but something always comes up so we have to put it off (Covid, redundancies, etc) and now finally things have settled and we are ready to make the move happen. HOWEVER my DS is now in year 6 and getting ready to start secondary school.
We wanted to get everything in motion sooner so we could relocate and transition him in to year 7 in our new town but due to factors with DH's job we've had to wait and now DS has been allocated a place at the local secondary where all his friends are going. He has a close group of friends and is a happy, kind, creative kid. He has lived his whole life in this town. Neither myself or DH are originally from the town we are living in and neither of us are particularly attached to it. We ended up here by chance and never intended to stay as long as we have, we've always planned on it being temporary.
We've been wanting for years to move closer to our friends and to London for more opportunities for my career, DH's job already needs him there twice a week as well. We haven't got any friends where we live now, or social life and we've always been outsiders here.
I'm worried about moving DS now as the transition to secondary school and teenage years is such an important time in his life but at the same time we, his parents, aren't happy here, do we move and risk him being unsettled or stay and be again stuck in a place we don't want to be.

We were in a similar predicament when our youngest DD was going up to secondary school. For us her happiness and that she was settled and going to the same school as all her friends was way more important than what we wanted at that point in her life. No way could we have done that.

She has now done GCSEs and A Levels are gone off to uni and now it’s out turn. We can do what we like now and have our house on the market.

You don't need to move, you want to move and I think maybe this is a conversation you need to have with your DC.

But personally I would put my DC first.

I’d move now. Year 7 he can make new friends easily and you can put down roots where you want to be long term. Don’t underestimate how much your happiness affects him too.

Also don’t underestimate how important the friendships they have already made at this stage in their lives are. Most will want to join their friends and go through secondary stage with them. I would be worried that forcing a move would cause unexpected and unnecessary mental health problems that can be avoided.

For my DD it definitely wasn’t worth unsettling her life for our own needs. But the OP’s DC may be different.

It probably depends on how you think your son will cope. You know him best. I’m still close to a couple of friends from primary school and I moved up to high school with a group of friends. I think that really helped the transition and I would have been devastated to have gone to a different school. But all kids are different.

We moved areas when our children were 10 and 7. At the time the area we lived in had a 3 tier school system, the conveyancing dragged on and so my eldest had to start the middle school for 6 weeks and then we moved, she then had to ‘go back’ to primary school as the new area was a 2 tier system. She coped very well, and there were no repurcussions, but I suppose it might depend on the personality and resilience of your child.

Personally, I wouldn't want to move my child at that age if they were happy and settled, and had good friendships. I'd wait until they were finished school unless there were really strong benefits for my children. (Even if I didn't love where I lived) Have you asked him how we would feel about moving?

Move now so he can start secondery school in
September.

When you have children you need to consider the best interests of the whole family when planning and timing a relocation. I think you would need very compelling reasons to justify moving your child at this stage. I wouldn't relocate without considering the best secondary school options (and by "best" I mean the school that best meets my child's needs) and whether the benefits outweigh the cost to the child of dealing with the change. Obviously some parents have no choice and have to move, but that's not the case for you. I question how important it really is to you both, given that you have put it off for so long.

Yr 7 - fine.
Yr 9 - not so good.

If you’re going to do it, do it now!

The younger he is when you move, the easier it will be for him.

If you don't go in the next 18months, then it will get much more difficult.

Lots of youngsters who have good groups of friends at Primary, end up going to different secondary schools from one another, and even those that go to the same school, often end up making new, different friends anyway.

This. In year 7 all the DC are moving up so it's not too difficult to make new friends.