Would you see your partner whilst working these hours?

[Witchy789]

You live 40-45 minutes away from your partner. Your work is about 20-25 minutes away from your home. No children or other responsibilities.

Your working hours are 1pm - 9:45pm at night. (Partner’s working hours aren’t relevant).

Would you see your partner on your working days given the hours and travelling distance, or would you wait 6-7 days and see them on your days off?

Yes,I would be happy for my partner to come over for breakfast and to spend time together before I went to work - I personally wouldn't want to drive 45 minutes to meet before driving 35 minutes on to work after a couple of hours.
Sounds like the non shift partner is expecting the shift working partner to do all the travel? Or not?

The non-shift partner can’t travel that far away from home during the week for various reasons, which shift partner has always been fine with and understanding about

@Witchy789 no I wouldn’t, because I’d use that time how I normally use my evenings - cleaning, self care, reading, chores, errands etc. I’d see them at the weekend or when I was on a different shift pattern.

I would also do this. I would not drive there and back before work.

It would help if you posted what is happening and what the problem is , it's hard to work it out.

Yes and that fact is relevant.

If they're genuinely flexible I'd think breakfast, a walk, pottering about a bit before work would be lovely, but I can also understand that the SE partner might prefer to get his work done in the morning, even if he doesn't need to.

Ideally I think a mid week sleepover, with a lazy lie in once a week seems a good balance.

So I’m the non shift partner, I work from home and self-employed so I have a lot of flexibility in that sense. I also have pets and children so I can’t stay away during the week. I also live in a house, it’s really quiet here etc.

My partner of 2 years, is the shift worker. Lives in a huge block of flats with nightmare neighbours that keep him up all night (hence why we don’t stay there much).

Partner only comes over on his days off, but when we’re not together, he is constantly saying how much he misses me and wishes he could come and see me and doesn’t want to wait X amount of days… but some days he will wake up at 7:30am and say he is bored until he leaves for work, when there is time for him to suggest doing something before work but he never does? So because of this, when he does go down that route of saying how much he misses me, I don’t really respond because he could see me on his shift days but chooses not to, which is then causing issues between us

Maybe one night midweek he should drive to you after work, have the morning with you and then go to work and see how that goes?

That really was like pulling teeth OP 😄

Partner only comes over on his days off, but when we’re not together, he is constantly saying how much he misses me and wishes he could come and see me and doesn’t want to wait X amount of days… but some days he will wake up at 7:30am and say he is bored until he leaves for work, when there is time for him to suggest doing something before work but he never does? So because of this, when he does go down that route of saying how much he misses me, I don’t really respond because he could see me on his shift days but chooses not to, which is then causing issues between us I’d just reply with ‘Great, so you’ve got three options. Either come over for breakfast in the morning, or invite me to yours for breakfast or stop telling me you miss me because if you missed me that much, you’d make more of an effort to see me’. I think he’s quite happy with the amount he’s seeing you, but is telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

No but im one of these people who literally can't do anything before having to go somewhere

Apologises! 😬

The 3 options sound like a great idea to use next time.

The thing is, I’m quite independent so although it’s nice to maybe hear once, it’s not something that I expect to hear all the time sort of thing and it can be quite a constant thing he goes on about when we are spending time apart - so it’s a bit of a mixed signals from my POV!

My partner would offer to come over and stay after their late finish and see each other on days
off.

Ignore me, I’m being a proper dickhead today! I’m sorry 🙂

I think those three options are perfect for if you want to see him, and if you want time to yourself, just tell him that you’ve got to keep him on his toes and you can’t see him all the time or you’ll get bored with each other.

This reads like one of those word math problems.

X=π

I wouldn't see them on my working days. Commuting two ways before work-nit happening.

If you both want to see each other then you can make it work. But he’s only going to go out of his way or prioritise seeing you more if he wants to.
Discuss the options and see what happens.
Actions speak louder than words.

Have you suggested that you have breakfast together on occasion? When he says that he misses you? I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect him to always be the one to travel though, if you are working from home anyway and he is commuting to work, that's a lot of driving for him if he also drives to visit you on a work day.

You say you’re completely flexible but actually you’re not as he has to come to yours due to pets and children. The compromise would be that you go to his around the time he finishes work to maximise your evening time and you spend the morning together. But you can’t do that due to children and pets. Maybe he could come to yours after work once a week but perhaps it just feels too late to be travelling over an hour after finishing at 9pm.
I think you need to talk it through and see if you can find a compromise.
Also, I’ve found that missing someone inbetween meet-ups actually adds spice to the relationship!

I would if I wanted to see them. It sounds like your boyfriend is just tired ???

Also if he wanted to see you and misses you then he would come to see you. Talk is cheap, it’s his actions which will let you know how he really feels.

I would see them on my days off or I’d drive over after work (if they weren’t already asleep) when we both had the next morning off, so we could see each other in the morning, maybe go for breakfast. I wouldn’t see them if I was working and they were working early the next day because it would be too disruptive to sleep.

That said, if someone had children, coming over to theirs to spend the morning together does not sound enjoyable! No lie in, no relaxing adult breakfast, no going out and doing anything because kids. I think realistically you aren’t compatible if you can’t go to his and he works 2nd shift.

Why can’t you drive to him in the morning after dropping kids at school, spend the time until he needs to leave for work together and then drive home. Then he could come to yours once after work and stay the night. That sounds fairer than it always being him that has to come to yours

Where did you meet him and what did you do when you were actually dating and before he was your partner? You must have gone out on dates to start with surely?

No, but I have issues where I can't do things before work/appointments etc. If I have anything "big" to attend or do that day, im in waiting mode from when I wake up to the time it begins. Doing anything else causes massive anxiety and stress.