To be surprised at how much someone can change ?

[Tontothedog]

31 years ago I met M. I was 19 he was 31 (but told me he was 29). 6 months down the line and I knew he was a serial liar and cheat who would try to woo any woman he could. I later found out of Several marriages and children he never saw or paid for. I suspect there are some children he doesn't even know about. Goodness knows if he sees his GC. He loved a cigarette and a drink but more so he was a serious clubber who liked pills, was happy to use fake notes to pay and had less than zero morals.
FF to today. Pics on Fbook of him at his wife's family childs christening, Xmas eve spent with the same children, trips to the theatre and afternoon teas. Walks. Sharing posts of war crimes and commenting how terrible it was. I hear he's in bed early most nights (friend of a friend).
Omg how someone can change. I wonder if his wife knows of his past. Not my place to interfere, just wondering that's all.

31 years ago...so he's 62 now? Surely very very normal for a 31yo to party etc but a 62yo to want a calmer pace of life more family focused?

seen it time and time again.. even with my EXH. i hardly recognise the person depicted on social media?

but thats the thing isn't it.. social media.. its not real? its a platform for bragging, showing the world what a fantastic person you are.. you'll never see them posting the shaddy stuff.. yes people can change.. but like they say, a leopard never really changes its spots

I don’t think it’s that surprising really.
I'm practically unrecognisable from the person I was in my 20’s

Men, sorry…. Some men take much longer to mature than women, maybe especially men like your ex.

Oh, I absolutely missed the fact that he’s in his 60’s now.
Definitely not surprising then.

I’d be a lot more surprised if he was still a serious clubbed at 62!

ah my bad.. i also missed the 30 year gap!

I’m completely different than I was 5 years ago. I had counselling and gained self awareness. I can’t believe who I was - it’s embarrassing!

love who I am now though ☺️

Trauma changed me. Counselling changed me. Then I matured and changed again 💐 same is possible for any other human, I am sure (although don’t wish anyone to go through trauma!)

i call the period in my life when i was younger and made questionable choices 'my dark years'.

My ex occasionally pops up playing the happily married man. I hope her life with him isn't as bad as mine was.

Possible your ex changed. Also possible he realised his looks were fading and he needed someone with a house to love with.

People don't always change, but sometimes the grow up.

30 years is a long time. 30 years ago, I was out every night, drinking heavily, taking drugs, one nights stands. Nowadays I'm in bed by 9 most nights, very rarely drink, and my hobbies are going to the gym and walking the dog!

@CheesePlantBoxes Also possible he realised his looks were fading and he needed someone with a house to love with
This. He cannot woo the ladies like he used to and I feel he goes along with his wife (its all her family in the pics, her grown up children and their families etc) as otherwise he would be alone and have no one and be in a flat on his own

To add - I'm happily married. I'm just astounded at how he has changed. Someone has made him their child's godfather. I would never want this man as a Godparent to my child. His morals were below gutter level.
But we all change over time I guess

@Redhairandhottubs how do you feel about that ? I'm kind of the same and feel like a boring old fart

He's finally grown up. Simple as that.

So I am unrecognisable lifestyle wise to the young woman I was. I don't think it's surprising because he sound like whatever he's doing (partying, womanising etc) he goes full on. He probably loves the whole extended family setup.

However morals don't really change over time and I would not be surprised if there were a few dalliances on the side.

He's acting like a 62 year old - it would be far weirder if people didn't change over 3 decades and were still carrying on with pills, clubbing and womanising!

I expect there is a shelf life on how long you can act that way. I imagine there is a direct line between age and how much bullshit you are willing to put up with. When he was 31, women his age were already sick of it which is probably why he was going after you (a teenager).

It’s been 31 years and you’re surprised he has changed? 😂

I'm in the same boat (in terms of change) but I love it. However getting to this point was tough; my DH and DC came into my life later than most so I think the no-man's landscape of some lonely years in my 30s meant I had absolutely no longing for my previous lifestyle.

I think it's a bit weird that you're still this invested in the life of a man you dated three decades ago. Move on. He's in his 60s.

31 years later how can he have changed so much, that did make laugh. Who is the same they were 20 years ago never mind 30

M’s charm and looks faded and he became lonely. And is now probably very grateful to his wife for the settled life he now has.

How invested stalkery have you been in this man over the last 30 odd years to know so much about him and them?? ( or think you do!) For you to be so sure that he only 'goes along' with his wife, and these aren't independent choices... you're either making up a fantasy life where's he actually bereft without you, or you've remained a friend to know this, and are rather 2 faced!

I call those years "my fun years" ( it was the 70's)