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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cannot stand my DH

25 replies

Malayna · 27/03/2025 16:35

For context, DH and I have 2 kids. We both own businesses. His is in start ups. I have an employee his in the process of getting one. I manage my employee from home as I’ve taken time off to raise baby 2. As DH’s new company requires tlc I am very understanding when it comes to him working late. I’ve been doing the full bedtime routine with both children and he comes home right before they are ready for bed. Yesterday baby wouldn’t go down and was distracting our eldest. I asked him to come home (9pm) and he reluctantly did and immediately was annoyed I hadn’t gotten them to bed. After a long day of cancellations, kids screaming and on my feet all day, I said I need a second. He still refused to change baby. Then when I was getting eldest to bed he started shaving his beard. I said you could help you know, the kids have to sleep. And he said is that what we do around here? You normally do your make up when we need to get the kids ready any other time. I literally do everything with the kids from dusk to dawn, while bringing home a decent amount of money and helping him grow a successful business. I just can’t stand who he is anymore. Entitled child and I really really want to leave him.

OP posts:
singlewhitetrashheap · 27/03/2025 16:37

Why oh why do women continue to have kids with selfish pricks?

Make plans to leave.

BoredZelda · 27/03/2025 16:38

So leave him.🤷‍♀️

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/03/2025 16:57

Is it practical advice you want?

ItGhoul · 27/03/2025 17:14

OK - leave him then. It doesn't seem like a much of a dilemma. You literally hate him. Is there anything specific about that process that you're looking for advice about?

H7529 · 27/03/2025 17:18

Sympathy OP, people say leave him but that’s easier said than done with young DC. No particular advice I’m afraid, you’re not unreasonable but sadly I came to the conclusion that useless men/partners rarely change.

Shitmonger · 27/03/2025 17:56

He sounds like an inconsiderate arsehole. How long has his business been a start up? Is it likely to become profitable?

Endofyear · 27/03/2025 20:07

I'm not surprised you're feeling the way you do - he's been rude, unkind and selfish! You do need to address the inequality in the relationship - you are shouldering too much of the work. He's working long hours but he should realise that it's because you are doing all the childcare that he is able to do that.

If you've really had enough then you need legal advice and to make a plan. Only you know if you've reached that stage.

Podgeys1 · 27/03/2025 20:20

Stop doing so much.
Stop supporting him.
He is a selfish pig who thinks he has zero responsibilities.
Unfortunately you being so supportive has completely backfired.

Good men do not behave like this.
If you are really done, then start by getting organised.
In the meantime, he needs to look after the children.
You sound like a skngle parent with a selfish teen.

JHound · 27/03/2025 20:24

No advice, just hugs.

LittleGreenDragons · 27/03/2025 21:25

I literally do everything with the kids from dusk to dawn, while bringing home a decent amount of money and helping him grow a successful business.
What positive things does he bring to the family unit? If you can honestly answer nothing, then why do you stay with him? Ask yourself who is making you stay.

mathanxiety · 27/03/2025 21:43

In his head he's a single bloke who has somehow managed to acquire a skivvy/ nursery maid, a baby, and a toddler.

He's going to love having to parent EOW.

Quitelikeit · 27/03/2025 21:46

I hate men like this!

They think they are above helping raise their own kids

WTF does he think a father does?

Lets see how he likes full weekend access while you put your feet up or party

stayathomer · 27/03/2025 21:48

Are you both just wrecked and cranky? Honest question. Do you ever take time off, or are you both always in work mode- and most importantly do you get along?

edited to add does he do any of his fair share in the house at all?

nessiesnotreal · 27/03/2025 21:50

You say you can't stand him and want to leave then do it.

MrBiscuits24 · 27/03/2025 22:14

Leave him you will feel a huge sense of relief

Swiftie1878 · 27/03/2025 22:20

Sounds like you’re both struggling. His reaction to your request for help is not normal.
You need a proper sit-down chat (preferably when you’ve both had some sleep) maybe over the weekend.
Terminal fatigue can create crazy, surreal emotions.

Mistyglade · 27/03/2025 22:22

do you think he’s going to suddenly change and become a great husband and father?
if not, get out now.

Maitri108 · 27/03/2025 22:25

I don't understand some people's decision making skills. Why choose to have children when you've got no time as you're working 24/7 on a business? Why choose to have children with someone working 24/7?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/03/2025 22:29

A sit down talk about expectations and fair sharing of parenting responsibilities could resolve this. Obviously, it would also depend on his response, how receptive he is to actually taking on some parenting of his own children.

If he fails to parent after the above, then I wouldn't blame you in separating.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/03/2025 22:39

He needs a dressing down, shame him withhow fucking useless he is and then lay out exactly what you expect from him each day or he can fuck off.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 17/06/2025 04:50

Leave him. You'll be better off.

Paperweight7 · 17/06/2025 05:54

singlewhitetrashheap · 27/03/2025 16:37

Why oh why do women continue to have kids with selfish pricks?

Make plans to leave.

Obviously they are not selfish when they want to get married. That's what love bombing is all about.

But when the babies come they can't handle being second to their own child. Then they think it's OK to let the mask slip because the woman is 'trapped' and doesn't want to break up the family. It's very common.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 17/06/2025 06:14

Malayna · 27/03/2025 16:35

For context, DH and I have 2 kids. We both own businesses. His is in start ups. I have an employee his in the process of getting one. I manage my employee from home as I’ve taken time off to raise baby 2. As DH’s new company requires tlc I am very understanding when it comes to him working late. I’ve been doing the full bedtime routine with both children and he comes home right before they are ready for bed. Yesterday baby wouldn’t go down and was distracting our eldest. I asked him to come home (9pm) and he reluctantly did and immediately was annoyed I hadn’t gotten them to bed. After a long day of cancellations, kids screaming and on my feet all day, I said I need a second. He still refused to change baby. Then when I was getting eldest to bed he started shaving his beard. I said you could help you know, the kids have to sleep. And he said is that what we do around here? You normally do your make up when we need to get the kids ready any other time. I literally do everything with the kids from dusk to dawn, while bringing home a decent amount of money and helping him grow a successful business. I just can’t stand who he is anymore. Entitled child and I really really want to leave him.

Oh they'll love you on here. Yes definitely leave him because it's always the easiest solution and so realistic. Nothing easier than being a single mum running a business and not getting a second to breathe with two small children running you ragged 23 and a half hours a day. Yep definitely leave. It's not as if the business will collapse if you don't have a single second to devote to It afterall. It will make your life so much easier than communicating or working on any domestic tension. Yes, leave him. Always the easiest solution.

BleakAF · 17/06/2025 06:35

'I want to break up with you and I don't want to financially support you anymore. Now, can we talk practicalities?'

He may offer to leave. It's easier to parent two small children than three.

Tuesdayschild50 · 18/04/2026 18:31

You can get all your ducks in a row and leave in the future .. would that be possible .
Don't tell him and build on a life where its just you and the kids if you can.
I couldn't imagine having to put up with this situation now mine have grown up now no pricks allowed in my space.
You can do it alone you really can.

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