To want £500 spending money from DH monthly?

[DonutEnvy]

We have 2 young kids (under 2.5 years old) and right now I am a SAHM.
I didn’t really enjoy my healthcare job, but I am looking to go back part time soon as financially it will help us with extra treats and saving abit more.

DH works hard full time and we have a joint acc for everything, but I am always budgeting and “penny counting” everything I spend (I’m type A personality he’s 100% type B).

DH doesn’t want me to go back to work because he knows I didn’t enjoy it, and wants me to be with the kids but I said until I can have around £500/ month guilt free spending (to make plans/ treat myself and kids etc) I will work part time. He is slowly working his way up at work but isn’t at that position yet.

Kids will be in nursery mainly funded 2 days a week. AIBU to still go back to work part time so I can have extra income and spending money?

I think it's fair enough. If he wants you at home then he needs to make sure he earns enough to keep everyone happy. If he can't then you'll go back to the plan .

Personally I think the SAHP thing puts them at a disadvantage..better to earn a bit yourself, even if it's part time

I think you'd have an even clearer majority vote if your title had asked "AIBU to get a job 2 days a week?"

Even apart from the cash, there is the fact of 'keeping your hand in' by working now, and the very important one of paying in to your pension.

I can see no possible reason for you not to work PT if you want to. I can think of plenty of reasons why it would be a good idea.

If you asked my DH, he'd tell you he'd love for me to stay home.

The reality is he doesn't mind if I stay home (not that we can afford it) or work, as long as I'm happy.

What he means when he says it is that he would love it if I didn't have to work, and we could give our DD the lifestyle we want her to have (which would include nursery). He would freely admit that he likes the days I'm not at work, where he comes home and the house is tidy and there's a really good home made dinner prepped etc. But he also doesn't care if he comes home and the house is a mess and I've thrown chips in the air fryer and nothing else.

Sometimes, when husbands say they want their wives to be able to stay home it's cos they want them to be happy.

Ask him a different question, would he like to be a SAHP? He'd say yes to that too. It just so happens that while we both earn a decent amount, neither of us earns enough to support the whole family, mainly because we live in an expensive area, but can't move out because then we're too far away from his decent job (he already travels an hour each way). It also just so happens that he earns more (now) and my job is more suited to part time flexible working.

Not all men want stay at home partners so they don't have to vacuum. Some just want their partner to be happy.

I've always worked for this reason - I'd hate to have to explain to anyone how I spent 'my' money.

DH & me have separate accounts & a joint account for household expenses - utilities, food, up-keep of house etc. If we have a large bill we sit down & work out how much each can afford to contribute from personal accounts. For context, he's retired & has a lower income than me as I still work. We have our own cars that we pay for out of our own accounts. It also means that we can buy each other presents or little tokens of our love out of our accounts which makes the gift more special.

My XH & me had the same arrangement. He once commented on how much I'd spent on a special outfit - I was able to tell him to 'bog off' as it was my money & not his concern. He also questioned how I could justify buying myself a <rather expensive> nearly new car - again 'bog off, my money'.

My mother used to tell a story how, in the 1970's how she had to get my father's signature on a loan (from her personal account) that she was taking out to buy a car. She worked fulltime and earned more than my father. But because she was a married woman, they insisted on my father's signature. After that she would remove her wedding ring when applying for credit.

But if one person earns significantly more than the other then they luck out whilst the lower earner is quids in.

@EuclidianGeometryFan
not every family had capacity for “fun money”

I accounted for every penny when my dc were small and we didn’t waste it on coffees etc which seems to be what people seem to define as “fun”. Meals out etc were budgeted for

That is not the way to look at it when you are in a committed partnership, sharing children, a home, a life together, and hopefully a retirement together.

Yes.