To think my mum is going to ridiculous lengths to avoid visiting family?

[YtterbicSkunk]

So, bit of background my mum has always been a bit flaky when it comes to family visits. She’ll come up with all sorts of excuses, but lately, it’s reached new levels.

My sibling and I (both adults) live a few hours away from her, and while we make the effort to visit her, getting her to come to us or even visit other family members is like pulling teeth. Classic examples:

•	We invited her for Christmas. She said she “wasn’t sure about the weather” (this was back in October). Ended up spending the day at home on her own.

• My DC had a big school event, invited her months in advance. She agreed, then suddenly had a “terrible cold” the night before. Miraculously fine the next day.

• My cousin (who she actually likes!) invited her to a family gathering. She initially said yes, but then claimed she “couldn’t find a dog sitter.” She has a neighbour who’s literally offered to look after the dog whenever.

It’s just so obvious that she can’t be arsed. I wouldn’t mind so much if she was just honest and said, “I don’t really fancy it,” but the constant flimsy excuses are driving me up the wall. Meanwhile, she gets huffy if we don’t go visit her.

AIBU to think she just doesn’t care enough to make the effort? Or is this a thing mums start doing at a certain age? Feeling a bit fed up tbh.

This.

If she doesn't want to travel, that is her choice. Just leave her in peace.

I expect, like most of us that age, we've spent our lives looking after other people and/or going out to work as well. We're basically knackered and with much less time ahead of us than behind us, we actually want to do what we want to do.

I agree with this. Solo working mum, care of parents as they aged and now my son is an adult I find myself knackered and have far less inclination for outings that take a lot of planning/distance.

Can't even be bothered to plan holidays at the moment which is unheard of for me!

Cognitive decline and ADHD share a lot of similarities, as they both affect executive control.

I can go to stuff I want as I'm interested in going, I now really struggle to do anything I don't want to do and that's because I am menopausal and adhd is worse at times of hormonal flux.

So it could be age-related or an ND trait. Anything with lots of transitions or complex steps can be problematic. Going on a trip requires lots of planning and may just be too much, particularly if it's to fit in with someone else's schedule and/or they don't understand my needs. Tbf, often I don't understand my own needs, so avoidance is easier.

I agree with all the above.

Equally it could be that she can't be arsed with her family and is selfish.

The thing is you know her best OP, you've known her all your life. Is she really the sort of person who 'couldn't be arsed' with her children or siblings anymore? Or is it as i suspect, more likely that rather than selfishness or spite, it's more down to simply withdrawing and even something a bit more like a new lack of confidence or health concern.