Wedding planning and just exhausted

FrazzledBride · 2025-03-26T23:47:00+00:00

I am possibly insane and am planning a wedding for June (engaged last summer) while also going through a really intense period at work. My family are getting me down. We are marrying in my fiancé’s hometown (abroad) and there’s lots to organise already. My parents will both be there but are splitting and acrimonious which is hard to manage. But whilst I sympathise with some of their feelings, I’m finding the fact that everyone is talking about how they feel about the wedding (little of it positive) is driving my anxiety through the roof. It’s stressful enough already and I get that it’s hard, but my dad is disappointed I haven’t invited his girlfriend (not OW), my mum is anxious about seeing him on the day, my grandparents are nervous about travelling… not one of them has even asked if I’m looking forward to it and emphasises their intense emotions. I’m not a bridezilla, I just want a happy and relaxed occasion. AIBU?

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/03/2025 23:50

Is it too expensive to bin it off and elope?

Original poster

FrazzledBride · 26/03/2025 23:56

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/03/2025 23:50

Is it too expensive to bin it off and elope?

at this stage, it’s a little over two months away, everyone has booked flights and we are genuinely looking forward to seeing all our friends (the bulk of the guestlist) it’s more the sense of dread and overwhelm whenever I speak to my family

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AtrociousCircumstance · 27/03/2025 00:00

Whoa, pretty selfish aren’t they?

Can you minimise speaking to them as much as possible? Detach as much as you can. Focus on all the positives and when they rant and complain try to tune out/grey rock them.

Leave them to sort out their own emotions and know that it’s not your responsibility to prop them up right now.

Sunnydays25 · 27/03/2025 00:03

I agree @AnneLovesGilbert - elope, it's too much stress already.

Edit - saw your update, it's all organised - i'm sure it will be fine on the day, get the relevant parent to deal with grandparent concerns, make sure your mum has a friend to support her on the day, tell your Dad to stop asking for a plus one, it's your wedding and you've decided, and he's just upsetting you now - you'll get away with it, brides are supposed to be a bit irrational.

Original poster

FrazzledBride · 27/03/2025 00:31

Sunnydays25 · 27/03/2025 00:03

I agree @AnneLovesGilbert - elope, it's too much stress already.

Edit - saw your update, it's all organised - i'm sure it will be fine on the day, get the relevant parent to deal with grandparent concerns, make sure your mum has a friend to support her on the day, tell your Dad to stop asking for a plus one, it's your wedding and you've decided, and he's just upsetting you now - you'll get away with it, brides are supposed to be a bit irrational.

Edited

Thanks, I hope so. It’s just hard to be optimistic when you get off the phone to them and it’s SO draining.

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Original poster

FrazzledBride · 27/03/2025 00:33

@AtrociousCircumstance great username! Yes, it does feel selfish

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Newname2025123 · 27/03/2025 04:58

In my experience divorced parents seem to do better at things like weddings than expected (even when it’s been pretty acrimonious in the past).
There are usually lots of other people there who they can talk to so they don’t actually need to spend much time together.
Things that friends have found helpful include:

Avoiding additional events where they both need to attend (rehearsal dinners etc). Keep it to just the wedding day.
Don’t make them sit together even if it’s traditional. Have your bridesmaids/groomsmen on a table with you and then parents can ‘host’ tables of their own relatives. In the ceremony it’s fine if they sit on separate sides.
Allow them to bring a plus one (unless there’s a really good reason not to). If your mum doesn’t have a partner then it could be a friend instead (I wouldn’t have invited my mum’s best friend to my wedding because I don’t really know her, but I’d have been more than happy for her to attend with mum).
Have a couple of friends or siblings/ cousins who can distract them if it looks like things are getting tense.
Try to keep things fair. If one parent is doing a speech then offer to let the other one do a speech too etc.

With your grandparents I’d try and find someone else who can reassure them and help with travel logistics. It can be a bit daunting if they’re not used to traveling (or normally just do a package holiday/cruise where everything is organized for them), but it doesn’t need to be you that deals with it. Your parents, aunts/uncles, siblings etc might be willing to help (I was on the same flight as a friend’s gran when we went to her wedding, she hadn’t flown before so I met her at the airport, accompanied her through the airport and then met her when we got off the plane and drove her to the destination in my hire car).

It is really draining and exhausting when you have to manage everyone else’s feelings and problems. For some reason if you organize an event other people seem to abdicate all responsibility for sorting stuff out themselves (my brother organized a stag party where one of the other men text him to ask if he needed to bring a coat 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Original poster

FrazzledBride · 27/03/2025 16:05

Newname2025123 · 27/03/2025 04:58

In my experience divorced parents seem to do better at things like weddings than expected (even when it’s been pretty acrimonious in the past).
There are usually lots of other people there who they can talk to so they don’t actually need to spend much time together.
Things that friends have found helpful include:

Avoiding additional events where they both need to attend (rehearsal dinners etc). Keep it to just the wedding day.
Don’t make them sit together even if it’s traditional. Have your bridesmaids/groomsmen on a table with you and then parents can ‘host’ tables of their own relatives. In the ceremony it’s fine if they sit on separate sides.
Allow them to bring a plus one (unless there’s a really good reason not to). If your mum doesn’t have a partner then it could be a friend instead (I wouldn’t have invited my mum’s best friend to my wedding because I don’t really know her, but I’d have been more than happy for her to attend with mum).
Have a couple of friends or siblings/ cousins who can distract them if it looks like things are getting tense.
Try to keep things fair. If one parent is doing a speech then offer to let the other one do a speech too etc.

With your grandparents I’d try and find someone else who can reassure them and help with travel logistics. It can be a bit daunting if they’re not used to traveling (or normally just do a package holiday/cruise where everything is organized for them), but it doesn’t need to be you that deals with it. Your parents, aunts/uncles, siblings etc might be willing to help (I was on the same flight as a friend’s gran when we went to her wedding, she hadn’t flown before so I met her at the airport, accompanied her through the airport and then met her when we got off the plane and drove her to the destination in my hire car).

It is really draining and exhausting when you have to manage everyone else’s feelings and problems. For some reason if you organize an event other people seem to abdicate all responsibility for sorting stuff out themselves (my brother organized a stag party where one of the other men text him to ask if he needed to bring a coat 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Edited

Thanks for this and some good ideas.

It’s not past acrimony, it’s very much current and still live as an issue - they are fighting over everything. I’ve already resolved to keep them on opposite sides of the room for the seating plan. Invites are out and it’s too far to travel at short notice so they are not having plus ones (I’m not budging on this, to change the policy will cause far too many issues) and there will be no speeches, which should help.

edit: you are right about people abdicating responsibility though!

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