Am I stupid considering a new job under these circumstances?

[KapStratum]

I have two young children 3 and 1 year old. Both full time at nursery. I work full time but can work from home apart from the odd day in the office and in general manage to get away with 9 to 5.

Without going into too much detail why am I considering a new job, am I being really stupid to be even thinking about it, given the new job will be 3+ days in the office and will definitely require extra dedication and hard work, at least at the beginning.

If it is a better job better pay better pension then go for it
You will find a way

I'd consider my children and the affect it would have on them
It's not always about money.

Thanks.

ahhh, was hoping for more replies

so conflicted

It's hard to give constructive advice without knowing your reasons for wanting to leave...

I'd make a list of pros and cons for each, it helps me when I'm trying to make a decision to see it down on paper.

I think you need to give a bit more information. What are the advantages of the new job? Are you likely to have another similar opportunity if you pass on this one now or is it a very niche sector where opportunities are hard to come by? Do you need the extra money or are you already ok financially? Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

I would go for the job. Being in the office vs home makes no difference with small kids you’d still need them looked after ? Dont restrict your prospects now.

I would do a weighted pros and cons list - they can be v illuminating and help you look at things objectively.

you could do a 2 option appraisal based on staying put or taking the new job.

see here for how it’s done:

searchforbalance.blog/2022/08/01/decision-making-tool-the-weighted-pro-con-list/

What is the commute? How supportive is your partner/co parent?

Do you have a DP/DH? Do they do their share of nursery run/child care/housework etc? Do you have the support of GP/other relatives?

There’s a reason why you’re thinking of it and I would go for it. Sure think of the children but you know what, I threw myself into my career when the kids were young. By the time they were expensive teens and even more expensive 20 somethings I had an amazing salary, the flexibility that comes with a high level position and time. No regrets. And they thank me for it!

Do you like where you are now?
Will pay increase cover commute costs for three days plus lunches etc, and then significantly improve your pension/disposable income?
How long is the commute?
Will the new role improve your progression prospects?

Is the dad around as you are talking as though you are the sole carer and responsible for all nursery and childcare issues?
My DH has a very senior 'big job' when the kids were little but still did his fair share of childminder pick ups. Dad's can ask and get flexible starts/ends too. They were his children too and it wouldn't have been reasonable for all the impact to fall to me.

I’m a lone parent and had to really push myself in the early years with my DD to get to where I am now. So this comes down to opportunity both earnings and career wise I would say.

Why you are thinking about a new job is kind of relevant here. Generally I’d say go for it, working in a job where you are bored or unhappy or feel stifled is going to really eat away at your self confidence over time.

How can anyone possibly say OP, without you giving more details. You have basically said you are considering a new job but want to know if you are unreasonable for doing so.

Why did you apply?

As long as you can still juggle nursery and have energy for the children I'd consider it. But also look ahead to school, do the local schools offer wraparound for the hours you'd need it, or are there childminders who do the school run?

I'm assuming it's a career opportunity you've been looking for, and the pay rise and advancement opportunities make it worth it?

I don’t think you’re stupid.
however it would depend on whether the new job offered more money or better career progression. You have childcare sorted so 3 days in the office may not be that much of a big deal. How far would the new office be?

Thank you all.

I work in an industry / profession where I get quite regular calls from recruiters asking if I’m open to new opportunities.

I started exploring these opportunities as I do feel like I’m loosing my skills in the current place and don’t really feel like I’m growing. Pay is interesting question. It would be between £10 - £20k increase on base pay but bonus would be smaller so really depends on whether the pay rise will be at the higher or lower end. This specific role feels like a good opportunity to get exposure in certain areas that I have been losing in my current role.

My door to door commute is some 45mins. I’m the default for morning nursery runs but DH is able to do most evenings (in his current job - should he be forced to change he might struggle depending on where he would end up working). No other family help available.

My natural instinct is go jump at it and make it work. The other part of me is thinking is that selfish to consider going for it but at the same time another part wonders are my doubts about the role pure laziness? Did I say I was conflicted 😊?

Finally, having had my second interview which was with the execs and the challenges they described part of me felt am I setting myself up to fail? Again the other part felt like I could really shine and get exposure. So there is an element of fear (given I have children and am the higher earner)

I stayed in a job i didn't especially like until both my dc were in school, I don't regret it. It was hugely flexible, I'd built up loads of good well and credibility in the team, and could use that to my advantage when do we're ill etc.

FT private nursery is a dream, but once they start school it's potentially really difficult, really long settling in periods, wrap around care is hit and miss, they pick up a whole host of new illnesses.

I've probably set my career back a few years, but I was happy to do that to make everyone's life easier.

I'm not saying you should do the same, just sharing my experience.

With kids that age I personally wld not consider the other job. Especially with 3 days in the office and potential extra hours etc. They always tend to get ill at that age and when they were sick I was only 5mins drive away at home instead of 1hr plus commute. Maybe ur office is nearby though so that might make a difference.