To want to get abuse on record without their knowledge?

[Chungai]

I believe a relative of mine may have been physically assaulted by someone in their household. I don't have evidence and they lied to medical professionals and said it was an accident from what I understand.

I would like to flag with a professional - their GP perhaps - that I am concerned about abuse and get something on record.

The reason being that if they present with further injuries in the future the GP may view these through a different lens i.e. consider them non accidental and be able to raise it with them.

But if I do this I'm worried the GP has a duty to inform police and I don't want that.

AIBU to want to get it on record but without police or social services involvement - and is this even possible?

But why wouldn’t you want police or social services involved if you suspect abuse?

The police are the people you need to be directly flagging this to

A report from a 3rd party that isn't investigated by the police isn't worth much in terms of anything.

You think someone is being abused, but you don't want the police involved. How will this improve things for the victim? You need to actually do something.

The victim and perpetrator live together and this is v unlikely to change.

If the police get involved - which without evidence I'm not sure they would - they will simply deny it and I worry it will escalate the abuse.

It's more that if there's a pattern emerging of visits to eg GP or A&E or minor injuries unit, that I want medical staff to be aware it may not be accidental - is there anywhere this would be joined up or flagged.

What you want is for these two people to not live together

you need to work on the victim , frank talk perhaps ? maybe suggest you go see. “ it ends with us “ to provide a discussion?
suggest they do freedom program

if it’s a child / parent you just need to call SS don’t wait to be sure just protected vulnerable person

All a gp can do is ask more probing questions which will likely be rebuffed if they have a history of covering it up , doctors are busy and can’t be expected to play social worker to a grown adult

they can’t extract a confession and even if they opened up to a doctor , a doctor can’t force a couple to separate, nor can the police

Well, yes. The victim currently won't open up to anyone. I'll keep plugging away.

Thanks, I understand that.

I just feel the need to have it officially recorded somewhere if possible. So that any future incidents could be linked. I have a feeling if there are further incidents I won't be made aware so I'm trying to see what or who else would be able to log it.

I think you can’t have a suspicion “officially logged” as it’s just a suspicion? GP shouldn’t be speaking to you about someone else and if they make contact with the suspected victim this might make them avoid getting medical help if it happens again. You need to be careful with what you do in this situation as you may make the person more vulnerable if they isolate themselves.

I understand from your perspective, it's a worrying thing to observe, but there's no way anyone should be able to call someone's gp and log a suspicion on their official medical records. Could you imagine.

You would be far better to make sure this person knows how to access help through the relevant agencies. Make sure they know that you understand, and will help wherever possible and support them.

I hear what you're saying.

It's not a suspicion, the victim told me something happened. I don't however know the extent or context.

@PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt I think that's my best approach. Are there any agencies you'd recommend?

Is it worth me calling women's aid to discuss?

I don't want to waste their time.

Women's aid are brilliant, they will be able to advise you on how you can support her, you wouldn't be wasting their time at all.

They are very knowledgable, and they have access to a lot of help should your relative ever need it.

As a survivor of DV I can tell you the level of denial any fear obligation and guilt ( FOG) can be high for years , you really can be the last to know

I really sympathise with your situation
my SIL is currently living in hideous relationship in. Australia it’s so frustrating to sit on your hands and wait for the penny to drop in her head , and then to get the strength to leave , she’s been with him for 20 years since she was 19 which makes it all the harder for her to have perspective , also she is totally isolated from friends and family

I hope it’s not a daughter - that would kill me xx

Thank you.

Not a daughter - or son, thankfully

Still a relative that could be considered vulnerable.

I tried calling women's aid and refuge today but couldn't get through. Was on hold for some time, understandably they are busy. I'll try again tomorrow.

You can also email them - in fact that may be better for if your relative ever needs any sort of evidence at all. It could help with dates of concern, incidents, timings etc if you ever needed to be a witness.