To think if you care more about how your life looks than how it feels, you’re doing it all wrong?

[AdeptEagle]

I see so many adults making life choices based on appearances - whether it’s keeping up with a certain lifestyle, posting the perfect image online, or just worrying about what others think more than what actually makes them happy. Isn’t that just setting yourself up for misery?

How do you have such insight into their choices and why they made them / what will make them happy?

Fair point, I can’t know every individual’s reasoning but I do think there’s a wider trend of people prioritising external validation over genuine fulfilment. Social media, social expectations, and pressure to ‘keep up’ all play a role. It just seems like a recipe for long-term dissatisfaction if your choices are driven more by appearances than by what actually brings you happiness.

That’s just your opinion rather than demonstrable fact.

You can’t possibly know that lots of people who are doing that.

Of course that's absolutely tragic.

You can't ever know for sure that's what somebody is doing but I agree with you that it is happening.

This is hardly a 'hot take', OP.

There is also an argument to fake it till you make it. Perhaps by making their life look a certain way they actually are improving it.

Agree with PP - you’re guessing the motivation based on your perception of their social media? Perhaps they’re worried about what people think because people like you are clearly forming opinions based on them 🤷🏻‍♀️ or perhaps they’re not and they just post for enjoyment!

SIL once said to me that I only shared photos where the background of my home was clean, and that can’t be realistic - she genuinely asked if I hid stuff in the background 😂 I just told them my house wasn’t a messy place like hers and weirdly enough people live differently 😂 she couldn’t comprehend that my life was different to hers!

Well, for some of them social inclusion really matters and if they want to keep IN with all the joneses then they need to keep up with them too.

That is my conclusion after being baffled by many of my neighbours’ choices but ultimately realising that yes, they are in with the gang when they are members of the right golf club, drive the right car and make noises about the right (expensive) holidays. It’s the adult equivalent of having the right pencil case.

Mostky I cannot be arsed but I’m sure we all do it to an extent.

Fair point and I can see how my initial take might come across as assuming motivations based on social media. I guess my concern is more about the wider trend I see, where people get caught up in how they appear rather than focusing on what actually makes them happy. I definitely agree that everyone has their own way of living and sharing things - some might just be sharing for enjoyment and that’s fine! It’s more about the pressure people sometimes put on themselves to maintain an image, especially when it feels like it’s not in line with what they truly value. But, of course, we all have different ways of navigating it.

What are you basing your assessment of a “wider trend” on?

I see a wider trend of people thinking everyone’s social media posts are about validation rather than a true reflection of their lives.

I sometimes do this. I worry about how something will look and especially how my parents will respond to my actions or plans.

Maybe it's not so relevant now, but I think it's conditioning to make us "just". Conscience is one thing, but it only really works becuase of the fear of being seen/caught.

I don't make decisions based around how things look aesthetically, but I might change things because of the way others might see me. E.g. I might decline a party following a bereavement for no other reason than it might look inappropriate. Or I might not buy an expensive car when I know people close to me are struggling financially.

Social media is literally designed for validation - likes, comments, engagement metrics - it all reinforces performative sharing. Of course, not every single post is about that, but the platform itself encourages a certain level of curation. You really don’t think there’s a wider trend of people prioritising appearances over how they actually feel?