Is love really that great or is it just overhyped?

[MellowSwan]

People act like love is the ultimate goal in life but is it really that special? We do thorough research and weigh all the pros and cons before buying a product, yet when it comes to relationships, people pretend it’s all about feelings and fate. And if you take a logical approach - considering compatibility, financial stability, or long-term prospects - you’re suddenly cold or calculating. Why is it seen as wrong to be practical about love? Isn’t that just common sense?

Many/all people should get therapy, before they commit to another human being. Love and co dependency seem to overlap.

It depends. Loving the right person is great.

Loving the wrong person is a recipe for misery.

I’m not sure re the therapy but I do agree love is confused with co-dependency, I don’t think you can experience true love without first being comfortable with the prospect of being alone. Otherwise people just settle because they can’t cope with the alternative.

I think love is really important and brings loads extra to life, but I mean real love, the kind of love you have for your children or might receive from a dependable friend or partner.

Being "in love" is something different IMO and not always positive. The butterflies and dopamine hits are often anxiety in disguise IMO, and the reason some women are hopelessly "in love" with horrible men.

If I’d never loved I never would have cried.

I married a guy who wasn’t quite right for me. Didn’t realise at the time. We stuck together for years! And struggled on bickering but having fun. But we never felt close or connected. Like friends tbh!

It was only in the last two years where I actually fell deeply in love with him. He’s my person and I’m very grateful at how our relationship panned out.

Beforehand we were definitely co-dependent! I have had a little bit of counselling recently to work it through and to learn about myself. And so has he.

we are very happy now! And never felt more understood or “close”. It’s like a brand new relationship - it’s an incredible feeling!

It made me realise that true love is completely different to what I thought it was 🤣

There's a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. The latter is usually unreciprocated infatuation, often referred to as limerence, and can induce anxiety, obsession and ultimately hurt feelings, as the person involved has no idea of the feelings they have inadvertently invoked.
True love sounds soppy, and one for the Mills and Boon readers, but I firmly believe it grows and adapts as time goes on, and is comforting and enduring.

If you’re talking about romantic love, yes, it’s a load of 💩

The love I feel for my children and my pets is absolutely bloody beautiful.

I love my cat. He's the best person I know.

Interesting post!
I was wondering about it too this last week.
Are romantic feelings rightfully called "love"?because how can love end and restart with someone else.
Totally agree with pp's.
People could absolutely love their partner, but I think it is something other or extra to the romantic side of the relationship.
I also was not capable of understanding such difference when I was young.
Having a best friend for decades, siblings you can rely on, having a child, then realising all my mother did for me, these events and life paths put things in perspective. My heart is filled and not in need of a romantic partner.

I think that here in the west we have an overly romantic view of love and expect it to be like a Disney film or Mills and Boon. I think that kind of love is short lived but then something different (and hopefully better) develops.
It's been interesting for me (a white British person) to marry into an Indian family where everyone on DH's side has had arranged marriages. Obviously this completely goes against our western view of marrying for love, meeting a soul mate etc. Having looked at dozens of relationships in DH's family (he has endless aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, second cousins, siblings etc etc) to me it looks like it works. Obviously, they didn't marry for love but I'm certain that in 90% of cases real love has grown. There are two exceptions where I think the couples are miserable but everyone else seems to have a good match.
It does make me wonder whether we should focus less on our romantic ideas of love and instead look at relationships in a more practical sense, like the Indians do - finding someone who is compatible and shares the same life goals, as opposed to getting together within someone who's sexy and that we fancy.
By the way, I wouldn't want us to adopt arranged marriages here. I wonder if something in the middle would be better.

Why do you think applying logic and context is cold and calculating? That's what you're supposed to do! I don't know anyone who doesn't think practically about those things, or who would judge someone for doing so...it's just common sense.

Except I could never being myself to have sex with somebody in that context so it would be a celibate relationship. But I don’t think it should be either / or. To me you should seek somebody compatible, who you share life goals with, who you also are attracted to / have romantic feelings towards.

It entirely depends on what you mean by 'love'. The initial 'falling in love' is exciting, terrifying, agonising - it can be the best feeling in the world and the thing that causes the most pain. The lasting love you have with a partner and or with your family is something else entirely and it is, for me, the most important part of my life. Everything I do is because of love. In fact it's everything WE do. My DH and I, my sisters and I, my children and grandchildren and I.

Love changes and develops over time and the real happiness comes from weathering storms together and becoming stronger.
A logical approach is needed to work out compatibility as your own emotions in the honeymoon period shouldn’t always be trusted. You’ve got to know someone before you can love them (except for DC’s I would say)
Ive got it wrong more times than I can count so it’s pragmatic all the way from now on!

I agree with the saying

A life without love is like a year without summer.

If you’ve ever experienced lasting romantic love I can understand why you’d feel that way.

Love is great. I love my family and friends and especially my children and husband.
what’s not to love! If you love a romantic partner then you shouldn’t suspend thought and process. I couldn’t love someone who didn’t treat me well and love me back therefore I find it a challenge to think love is not a great thing. People can be arseholes. But people can be great. It’s a bizarre question you’re posing. I’ve been upset and gutted at the end of relationships but it wasn’t the fault of love. It was a crap man who didn’t treat me well. So I had to accept that and move on. I might have been upset at the time, but that’s normal.

I fell in love with DH precisely because he fit my criteria of what I expect from a partner. I did weigh the pros and cons and do my research. Thoroughly 😁

I was with him for years before I agreed to marry him. Love, I would say, is an essential ingredient but not the only one, or even necessarily the most important one. But it has to be there, in the mix. It brings the joy.

There wasn’t that chemical-sparks thing when I first met my partner - I do think that is overrated and doesn’t last - , but I gradually came to realise he was everything I was looking for in a partner and that, actually, I loved him. Been married 35 years this year.

I don’t think it’s really about love, no. It’s about connection and companionship. I think that takes into account the practicalities of daily living with someone. I do love Dh, but it matters much more that we have a genuine connection, we keep each other company, he is my source of support and has cared for me when ill.

I agree with @hazelnutvanillalatte .
Loving someone is about knowing and loving the whole person. So of course all the practical elements are part of any decision to join your lives together - well, for most people.

The world be be a sad place without love.

My granny says she got married because she was asked.

You know how the Inuit have 200 different words for snow? Should be the same with love as we so often mean completely different things by it and that's what leads to so many shit relationships.

@Carouselfish - I'm not Greek myself, but have heard in the past that Greeks have at least 17 different words to describe all the different relationships we use the word 'love' for.