To accept gift from someone you are NC with?

[Sunshineclouds123]

This is more of a WWYD?

Decided to keep a very good distance from SIL for very good reasons (wont go into details) but mainly because she was detrimental to the mental health and well-being of my little family. She has not acknowledged myself and my husband in nearly a year, and we have not acknowledged her, however she still attempts to build a relationship with our children when they are visiting PIL house. It is my birthday soon and she has left a gift and a card with her mother (my MIL) to give to me when I pop round. I have very good reason not to re-invite this woman back into my life, I do not want her to have the chance to put us through again what she did to us,(I’m talking about full on nervous breakdown for myself, counselling sessions, DH attempted suicide because of her) however I also don’t want to upset MIL who would happily act like nothing has happened and would be glad if we all just played happy families. Do I take the gift and card gracefully from MIL or do I do what I really want to do and say “Im sorry I cannot accept a gift from anyone who has been so cruel and disrespectful to my little family”

It's difficult to say because you haven't provided any information regarding what she actually did, only your and DH reactions to it
If your reaction was a result of a rude comment I would say you both need to work on your own resilience but obviously different if she has actually caused harm
That said you are free to have whoever you want in your lives
There is nothing so twee as 'my little family' imo

Oh good grief no not a rude comment, although years and years of rudeness certainly factor into it, but no what she did broke my husband who is an extremely strong and resilient man. We are easy going usually care free people, so for myself and husband to do something such as “no contact” with a family member is a big deal and something neither of us have never done before to anyone.

I think you have to refuse politely

I wouldn't be polite about it at all.
Is MIL aware of the acts that led to no contact?
I'd just not take the gift home and if MIL tries to press it on you, make it clear you don't want gifts from someone you have no contact with.

I'm NC with my father and he tried to leave gifts with an aunt for me the first bday we were NC. I didn't open them or take them home, because that would mean I was OK with taking things from someone who had caused me trauma ans distress and that's not what I wanted to put across.

Don't get drawn into any further drama then. No explaining. Decline the present, leave it there and don't discuss
Save yourselves any more trauma
Once they get you into a conversation you start having to defend your actions, don't let anyone do this

I think I would prepare a sentence ready for when your MIL presents you with the gift. I would say something like;

”I can’t accept a gift from Anna because we have decided not to have a relationship with her. I understand this puts you in a difficult place. I am happy for the gift to be returned to Anna or donated to a charity shop. Would you like to return it to Anna, or shall I take it to a charity shop?”

This way you maintain your boundaries, acknowledge that MIL might be finding it hard, and offer two solutions, one of which you would take responsibility for.