Advice on how to deal with ungrateful teen please!

[Burpeelover]

I’m a single mum to 2dd’s 16 & 11, also working full time running my own business.
DD1, 16 is so so ungrateful for the things I do for her.
This week I have dropped her at a party, taken and picked her up from work on Saturday and Sunday, Monday evening I drove her 3 hours away, took a day off work, paid for a hotel and drove her back home 3hr drive so she could do an extra curricular day at a uni, this evening I have to pick her up from work at 9.30pm, I get up at 4.30am everyday, so 9.30pm is quite late for me!
She also needs lifts to and from work on Saturday and Sunday this week.
last night I told her I have plans on Friday night/saturday morning so she would have to sort her own way to work - either an uber or ask her Dad. She hit the roof, saying it was my responsibility to make sure she gets to work, that I need to make other arrangements to get her a lift or that I need to get home earlier to drop her to work. I’ve said no, she now isn’t speaking to me.
There was never a thank you for the night away and all the driving I did for her, for the uni trip mom/tuesday.
is this usual teen behaviour and should I brush it off or what can I do with her?! Any advice greatly appreciated, I am really upset by just how rude and entitled she is becoming towards me!

I have one of these 🤣 a firm No and stick to it , do not let her bully you and do not pander her to her needs . Lifts are not compulsory and she should be grateful .

How far is work. Could she cycle, or get a bus?

Honestly this is normal for her age and they get better eventually. Try not to take it personally and stick to your plans. The sooner she learns she can't manipulate you the better.

She’s 16 so she should be able to work out a plan for how to get there and put it in action.

These kind of skills are just as important as academic ones if she intending to go to university.

You aren’t doing her any favours if you just brush it off. This is something she actually needs to learn (with a bit of help if she’s totally clueless)

And rudeness should never be brushed off.

Normal 🤷‍♀️
Firm no - it’s a life lesson on taking responsibility for herself

Stop driving her around.
No more lifts for non essential things.
Stop expensive hotels.

Let her find her own way.
Won't harm her.
Bus? Train? Bike? Walk?

It's a fairly normal thing most teens go through. If you've always had something available to you, it's sudden removal will feel like someone hurting you initially. This is something a lot of adults can struggle with too.

So it's a normal-ish reaction for her to get upset.That doesn't mean it's right though. Let the original tempers calm down and explain you understand how she feels, but that you feel like you give yourself constantly without any gratitude back and it makes you not want to do things for her. She's more likely to be receptive that way.

Maybe ask her why she feels it needs to be you? Does she feel safer around you? Is there something you can work on together to help her feel secure enough to be more independent?

IMO it’s a horrible age. One of my DCs was like that and the other wasn’t. The formerly horrid one (rude and ungrateful and demanding) is now a very nice young woman and she’s told me she knows she was difficult and feels bad about it now.
I honestly think it’s a brain development thing - they see themselves as adults and the centre of the universe and then they mature by 18/19. Younger DC was much better in her behaviour but possibly because she was seeing how badly her older sister was behaving and wanted to be superior. Both had the same upbringing.