Question for teachers/those who work in schools about bullying

[Doublebubblegum]

Just interested to understand how schools practically deal with cases of alleged bullying. My poor son (9yo) has had a couple of incidences at school recently - we've had a couple of weeks of bullying behaviour from a group of 2 to 3 other boys in his class.

School have identified the issue, and are taking steps to address the behaviours at school.

My question is, at what point would the parents of the 'bullying' children beade aware of the situation? I can't imagine that they would ever contact a parent to tell them that their child is a bully. So how does this tend to get handled?

Is there a possibility that the parents of the boys who have been bullying my son are not aware of what's going on?

In my school there would be a bullying concern form completed and investigation into what had been going on. It bullying behaviours are established then we would record, notify parents and work on modifying behaviours.

A child will not be called a bully. They are exhibiting bullying behaviours.

There should be log of the incidents and parents should have been told when their child has done something. Then when identified as bullying they should have parents in for a meeting.

I’d make sure every time something happens you inform the school in writing so this is a record too.

Ask for a copy of the school’s behaviour policy. This should detail the sequence of events, and the point at which parents are involved.

Thanks @Littlefish their behaviour policy is online but it's really long and does not make it clear at all about when parents would be involved.

Parents would normally be told if the behaviour was serious enough. Why do you think school wouldn't tell them their child had been involved in an incident? You wouldn't be told what has been said to the parents and what sanctions had been put in place for the child.

Depending on who the bullies are, the school probably won't stick to the behaviour policy either. That's only for the good kids. Like your son if he ever smacks them in the mouth.

Ps. He should smack them in the mouth

Might be different since I teach secondary, but we log any bullying behaviours as a high level behaviour incident. Usually, they have to go to a meeting with year leaders, and there would be contact home. Parents of the perpetrators should definitely be told, otherwise what's going to change?

We would definitely address this with parents.

I'm not a teacher, but my son was bullied (around age 6). It went on for several months, and this kid was constantly following my son round in the playground, and punching him in the stomach. (this was most days).
Apart from the physical violence, he was exhausted, as he told me he spent all playtimes/lunchtime literally running away from the other kid.
Had many meetings with teachers, headmistress, pulled him out of school, insisted they sort it out. Kept getting told they were 'dealing with it'.
Then one day (while it was still going on) the bully's mum sat down next to me while I was in the playground, and just started chatting as if nothing had happened. I was stunned and said, how can you just be chatting like this after everything that's happening with your son and mine?
She had absolutely NO IDEA about any of it.

If I were you I'd be directly asking the school about when the parents will be involved and insisting that they are. Also insist that they log it on CPOMS, which (I believe) they have to declare to Ofsted, and therefore have to actually deal with the issue.

Good luck with your son, I hope this gets resolved.
Bullying is horrific and it's happened several times to both my kids.

I wasn't sure if to post but......I've been on the other side of this - another parent accused my child (along with several others) of being a bully to their child.

I was aware of incidents that had happened between the children. We are told each time our child has a consequence and the reason why also if the other child received a consequence (for context of the issue). So right from the start of things I was aware what was happening. I don't know if this was because I was proactive in asking more information around issues to help resolve them.

For context, the school said as both parties (my child and others against the other child) were at fault (e.g. both sides initiated as well as received the same bullying behaviours) and as we addressed it and corrected behaviours quickly...it was not bullying just before anyone accuses me of raising a bully (which has happened before on here)

Hello, my son is 6 years old and has been bullied by the same child ever since he started in reception (he is now in year 2). The bullying has been reported to the school multiple times and at the end of the last school year we seemed to be seeing an improvement. However just days into this school year, physical violence was used and my child was hurt. This consisted of 2 incidents, both of which were reported to school staff by my son when they happened, and both incidents were also formally reported to the school by me when my son came home and told me what had happened. Nothing was done. My son has now been covered in excrement by the same bully. I am furious with the school. It has been reported by my child and also by me, but I am being fobbed off big time by the school. Where do I go from here if the school will not listen or take any action? My child is very upset and it is a battle to get him into school on a morning now.

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.
Firstly look at the school's policy on bullying and complaints, and make sure you follow the process to the letter as otherwise it will just keep getting rejected/ignored.
Generally, you will need to make a formal complaint in writing (an actual paper letter as well as an email - which they then have to show to Ofsted).
Ensure that the incidents are logged on CPOMS (Child Protection Online Monitoring System) as bullying. This is very important as schools will attempt to minimise the incidents and not log them as officially 'bullying' (which by law need to be passed to Ofsted, as above). You can ask to see the copies of your child's CPOMS record. If there is an official bullying issue, they need to show that they are dealing with it.
[parents can request to view their child's records in writing, and the school must provide them with a copy within 15 school days, subject to data protection rules and the possibility of restricting information that could cause harm to the child or others.]
Arrange an urgent meeting with the headteacher to discuss your concerns.
Speak to the chair of governors.
Also the parent governor.
In my experience, you will be fobbed off and the school will close ranks, but you need to be persistent. Bullying is so damaging to children and it needs to be addressed immediately, so make sure the school know you will not back down until it is resolved.
Record everything - not just emails, but take actual recordings of conversations with the school staff, on your phone (you will need to tell them that you're doing this).
I made the mistake of not doing this, and when the 'notes' came out in my son's school record, the school completely skewed everything that had been said (e.g. "Mum said she doesn't care about her son's Maths grades"; what I actually said was "I'm not here to discuss his achievement in Maths" - when they started getting out his maths results, which were completely irrelevant to the bullying)
At one point my husband got up to leave the meeting as we were getting nowhere.
The records showed "Dad became very aggressive and threatening".
He had literally just stood up to leave the room - he's very tall but in no way threatening or aggressive! We then received a written warning than any further 'such behaviour' would result in us being banned from the school gates. Unbelievable.

Above all don't give up, it can be a long struggle but it's important to persevere and especially to follow the correct procedures as set out by the school's policy, and by Ofsted. Both my children were bullied at a young age at school and it's heartbreaking.

Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you need further advice, I've been through the mill.
🍀

It’s not the behaviour policy - It’s the complaints policy - look it up - it’s a bible for parents.

This is good advice. They don't do much, tbh, if they're not forced to.

In my experience, they inform parents when it gets physical enough that your child has marks on them, and you tell them you have photographic evidence of this. Before that, I’m confident parents weren’t informed. It’s appalling. If someone was raising incidents regularly between my child and another child, I would want to know. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I would also escalate it to the head if you’re not happy with the initial response, get a copy of the bullying policy (don’t be surprised if it’s very woolly), and put everything in writing.

A child will not be called a bully. They are exhibiting bullying behaviours.

That all sounds very nice and positive in theory; but what about the child whom they've been bullying? Are they properly listened to and acknowledged as having been a victim of bullying, or is that minimised too with them considered merely to have been 'exhibiting victim behaviours'? Or worse, 'lacking resilience'?

It's beyond abominable when a child who has no choice but to be at school all day is expected to put up with treatment from others that no adult in a workplace with a job that they could freely quit at will would put up with.

In my experience, a great many schools are only interested in helping the bully - which is great and a worthwhile investment of their efforts - but they only dismissively view the bully's victim as a symptom, whilst centring the bully, and not actually as a person in their own right who has been wronged.

Absolutely, this has been the case in my experience!
Both of the bullies of my children were kids with additional needs. The school was only interested in some kind of intervention programmes for these kids. Not interested in the slightest in my children who were the victims.
And sadly, with my youngest, his severe dyslexia was completely missed for many years (also by me), as we wrongly thought that his delayed learning esp in reading & spelling was due to the bullying (it could also have been a component). He would literally just shut down as soon as he got to school as he knew he'd be physically hit Every Single Day. His trauma must have been unbelievable.
He's now at secondary school. The bully left for a couple of years to go back to his home country during Covid. I informed secondary of the issues, and they said it's fine, he's not at this school.
Then what happens?
The bully returns to our town, and out of 3 form classes, he's put in the same form class as my child.
Again, unbelievable.
Luckily no further incidents, but the level of misunderstanding and lack of care from the school is just off the scale.