Best friend says IABU over comments her new BF made

[NavyDream]

This happened on Saturday but has carried into the week and I am now beginning to question whether I have over-reacted.

Background - best friend and I had a night out with our respective other half’s; my long term DP and her boyfriend of a few months - I had met him before, my DP hadn’t.

All going fine - DP has quite a long beard, and my friends BF was asking him about this. Long story short - he asked whether he ever considered getting rid of it - he said he likes it for now and also that I am quite fond of it. A perfectly reasonable answer.

My friends BF basically said - ‘it’s not her choice, if you want to trim it, then that’s up to you’. Followed by ‘it’s a slippery slope, that’s how it starts. They’ll tell you how to dress and look and next thing you know, she’ll be wearing a dildo in the bedroom’.

This insinuated I am controlling, which I’m absolutely not. It got no real reaction and the conversation moved on.

I text my friend on Sunday to say I felt it was unnecessarily rude and I was a bit put out, and she basically said it was banter between the lads and not meant to offend.

I didn’t reply, and she messaged me again yesterday to say I need to lighten up and what’s happened to my sense of humour.

I feel a bit silly reading it back, as doesn’t sound a massive deal written down, but I thought it was really rude for a first meeting.

You are right there. It was a misogynistic comment veiled as a joke. Unpleasant behaviour. You don't have to spend time with this man again if you don't want to, but your friend seems disinclined to understand why you might not be keen to meet as a foursome.

"He sounds like a right knob"

First post has it, as always.

It’s interesting that people are wondering if this is the same bloke from a different thread. Unfortunately there are many immature and misogynistic men who come out with crude and sexist comments like this in the name of ‘banter’.

I operate on the philosophy that if someone has to explain that it’s banter, then it was something that shouldn’t have been said. I am yet to be proved wrong.

Has your friend taken leave of her entire mind dating an idiot like that? And then introducing him to her friends!
It's her life I guess but you'll need to give it a swerve

Sounds like the BF is actually dropping big hints that he enjoys being pegged.

Your friend’s boyfriend is a misogynist and I would assume she was desperate (and an idiot) to be with a man like that.

There was an almost identical thread to this very recently, except it was from the perspective of the woman whose boyfriend made the joke about pegging.

Why don’t men like this realise relationships are optional. They can just stay single. How do they not realise that?!

I probs would have been miffed but doubt I would have texted anything about it

I don't know why people are saying you shouldn't have spoken up for yourself to your BF. You only told her how you felt about the comments. You are allowed to feel stuff and it was a pretty uncalled for thing to say considering you barely know him. Her answer was trying to control your feelings to put you in the wrong. Not much of a friend if she isn't prepared to listen to you even if she doesn't necessarily agree with you. No friend would try and manipulate you into believing your making too much of something that wasn't great.

I’ve smoothed it over with my friend today. Decided it’s not worth falling out over, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they don’t last. He seems far too immature for her in the long run.

I think I that's fair enough OP. If she's a mature and intelligent woman I doubt she'll remain interested for long by a man who brings up dildos etc at random when speaking to people he's just met.