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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Personally, I don't see the need...

65 replies

bigcushionlover · 25/03/2025 17:02

I'm personally seeing this all the time now and it irks. I have personally even found myself saying it and I personally feel I might need to personally cut my tongue out. Is it just me or is it being overused?
I don't normally complain about language use so please don't send me to pedant's corner as they scare me!

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 26/03/2025 11:50

DappledThings · 26/03/2025 11:46

No, I said you can feel mentally or emotionally sick, not that there is an established phrase saying that. Feeling physically sick is a different sensation/emotion/reaction and a reasonable clarification or emphasis.

You don't need to say physically. I feel sick means that you feel nauseous or don't feel well. We've established that people don't say, I feel mentally sick.

People tend to be specific when talking about mental health: anxiety, depression, down. I feel sick is obviously physical.

DappledThings · 26/03/2025 12:00

Maitri108 · 26/03/2025 11:50

You don't need to say physically. I feel sick means that you feel nauseous or don't feel well. We've established that people don't say, I feel mentally sick.

People tend to be specific when talking about mental health: anxiety, depression, down. I feel sick is obviously physical.

OK, well I find it a potentially useful distinction. I feel sick about a work thing at the moment. Not physically sick but I am worried about it and it's taking a lot of mental energy to deal with. There's a good chance if it continues I will end up feeling physically sick at some point too.

I remain convinced it's a reasonable phrase.

Maitri108 · 26/03/2025 12:06

DappledThings · 26/03/2025 12:00

OK, well I find it a potentially useful distinction. I feel sick about a work thing at the moment. Not physically sick but I am worried about it and it's taking a lot of mental energy to deal with. There's a good chance if it continues I will end up feeling physically sick at some point too.

I remain convinced it's a reasonable phrase.

What do you mean by "I feel sick"? When I say I feel sick, it means I feel nauseous or I'm coming down with a cold. Usually when you say I feel sick about work, it means that it's physically effecting you.

If you say I'm feeling anxious about work, I've got insomnia and feel sick. It would mean it's effecting you physically and mentally.

However, obviously do whatever works for you.

DappledThings · 26/03/2025 12:11

Maitri108 · 26/03/2025 12:06

What do you mean by "I feel sick"? When I say I feel sick, it means I feel nauseous or I'm coming down with a cold. Usually when you say I feel sick about work, it means that it's physically effecting you.

If you say I'm feeling anxious about work, I've got insomnia and feel sick. It would mean it's effecting you physically and mentally.

However, obviously do whatever works for you.

I mean worried. Could also mean physically so I'm not saying it needs the clarification of physically but that the clarification is not tautological.

Can also mean fed up of course. E.g. I'm sick of (or should that be with, that's one bit of grammar that confounds me) seeing Musk's face in the news. Doesn't mean I'm actually feeling like I might vomit although that wouldn't be an unreasonable reaction!

Maitri108 · 26/03/2025 12:21

DappledThings · 26/03/2025 12:11

I mean worried. Could also mean physically so I'm not saying it needs the clarification of physically but that the clarification is not tautological.

Can also mean fed up of course. E.g. I'm sick of (or should that be with, that's one bit of grammar that confounds me) seeing Musk's face in the news. Doesn't mean I'm actually feeling like I might vomit although that wouldn't be an unreasonable reaction!

We obviously use sick differently, perhaps it's regional. If I said, "I feel sick about work." I would mean nauseous or similar. "It makes me feel sick." I would mean nauseous. "I can't come, I feel sick." I'm coming down with something, I feel nauseous.

"I'm worried about work." That's mental. "I'm anxious about work." Also mental. I don't feel the need to tell people the nausea is physical.

SmallFiresBurning · 26/03/2025 12:50

I agree OP.

Personally can do one, as can literally, and obviously. The unholy trinity of bloody unnecessary wank adverbs 😖

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 26/03/2025 12:50

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/03/2025 11:41

Except so many posters on here seem to think mortified means horrified. It took me a while to realise that and I spent a lot of time puzzling over why people were embarrassed by the behaviour of other people towards them.

Yeah I've never got that either.

ItGhoul · 26/03/2025 13:05

I think people use 'personally' just to emphasise that they're not speaking in general terms and don't want to suggest that their view is necessarily the only valid one.

SoManyTeeth · 26/03/2025 14:15

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/03/2025 09:53

Ah, I see. You are not disagreeing that the use of "personally" in those examples is a pleonasm. You are stating that you believe using it suggests you are not trying to impose it on others whereas I believe it makes the speaker sound a little pompous and that they believe because it it their opinion it carries more weight.

Different opinions, both perfectly valid.

Re your examples:

Shoplifters should get a life sentence.
This is being stated as fact, rather than opinion. Unlike opinions, individuals do not get to have their own facts.

I think shoplifters should get a life sentence.
I agree with your analysis of this one.

In my personal opinion, shoplifters should get a life sentence.
I agree with your second assessment "I think I'll sound posher/smarter/more important/more formal if I add more words." However, I also agree that people may believe they are cushioning it but not realise how it comes across to some of us. Equally you could argue that if I said "In my opinion, shoplifters should get a life sentence", I am pushing my opinion as valid.

Re But I disagree with your opinion that people should always stick to what's "sufficient".

I don't think that. There are times when a bit of wooliness and extra emphasis is helpful. i just don't think that is the case with the use of personal/personally in many of the instances in which they are used.

Re the professional/medical/legal opinion, they are still the personal professional/medical/legal opinion of the individual. That is why we are frequently told to get a second opinion.

The pleonasm is between "my" and "personal" or "I" and "personally". The word opinion is irrelevant to it.

But the great thing about opinions is that I respect your right to have your opinion on whatever you like. I also know that me disagreeing with you or you disagreeing with me doesn't invalidate either of our opinions. It simply means we have different opinions.

It's a very long time ago now, but I remember Mrs T at primary school doing a whole lesson on opinion statements and fact statements (I think that was the terminology she used). We learnt to look for words like "delicious" and "ugly", where two different people can have different opinions and both be right about their own feelings, and words like "should" which usually means somebody's saying what they'd like to happen rather than what is, and to look at the whole sentence and decide whether it's the kind of thing that can be correct or incorrect, or the kind of thing where there's no objective truth. We got quite good at working out when something was an opinion statement vs. a fact statement, IIRC.

"The Eiffel Tower is 417m tall" would be a fact statement (despite being incorrect). "The Eiffel Tower is the most glorious pointy metal thing in the world" would qualify as an opinion statement. I'm fairly sure my fellow 8yos would have confidently identified "Shoplifters should get a life sentence" as an opinion statement, just like "This chocolate cake is delicious" or "The Eiffel Tower is a glorified pylon and should be ripped down".

If even 8 year olds can identify an opinion that's formed as a statement (at least when it's made that obvious by including something like a "should"), then isn't "I think that…" or "In my opinion…" also superfluous? Outside of situations that require scrupulous, legalistic language to eliminate any possibility of a rogue 7yo failing to grasp the nature of the statement, that is, but we're talking about adults discussing in informal connects here. Adding "I think…" or "In my opinion" to "shoplifters should get a life sentence" might not be a pleonasm, but it's implicit in the nature of the statement that it's an opinion. So what's the purpose of adding extra words that restate what's obvious to a small child?

Obviously you know what the purpose is, because you recognise that [t]here are times when a bit of wooliness and extra emphasis is helpful. And you agree that my example sentence communicates different things when there are extra words, even though they don't add any extra literal meaning.

I did attempt to communicate that I don't think the extra words are always there to minimise or soften the impact of the opinion, but maybe I didn't make that very clear. I also hoped that, by writing one of my possible motivations/interpretations as "I think I'll sound posher/smarter/more important/more formal if I add more words", my wording would imply that sometimes, as you say, it makes the speaker sound a little pompous and that they believe because it it their opinion it carries more weight. I don't know what's more pompous than "I think I'll sound more important" Grin

And yeah, of course the "personal(ly)" is often superfluous in the examples people have been giving, in the literal sense. But people are using it for a reason — I suppose that for some it might have become a verbal habit, and yes, it can be annoying when language trends start suddenly popping up everywhere and they feel wrong to you for some reason. But there must be a reason people started doing it in the first place. If it adds no literal information, then it must have been added to serve some other communicative purpose, and I was trying to think through what those purposes might be, rather than just deciding that people started wasting their time with extra words for no reason other than to annoy me.

If you're fine with some pleonasms, but not this one, are you able to say what it is about "my personal opinion" that bugs you when other similar language use doesn't?

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/03/2025 15:02

SoManyTeeth · 26/03/2025 14:15

It's a very long time ago now, but I remember Mrs T at primary school doing a whole lesson on opinion statements and fact statements (I think that was the terminology she used). We learnt to look for words like "delicious" and "ugly", where two different people can have different opinions and both be right about their own feelings, and words like "should" which usually means somebody's saying what they'd like to happen rather than what is, and to look at the whole sentence and decide whether it's the kind of thing that can be correct or incorrect, or the kind of thing where there's no objective truth. We got quite good at working out when something was an opinion statement vs. a fact statement, IIRC.

"The Eiffel Tower is 417m tall" would be a fact statement (despite being incorrect). "The Eiffel Tower is the most glorious pointy metal thing in the world" would qualify as an opinion statement. I'm fairly sure my fellow 8yos would have confidently identified "Shoplifters should get a life sentence" as an opinion statement, just like "This chocolate cake is delicious" or "The Eiffel Tower is a glorified pylon and should be ripped down".

If even 8 year olds can identify an opinion that's formed as a statement (at least when it's made that obvious by including something like a "should"), then isn't "I think that…" or "In my opinion…" also superfluous? Outside of situations that require scrupulous, legalistic language to eliminate any possibility of a rogue 7yo failing to grasp the nature of the statement, that is, but we're talking about adults discussing in informal connects here. Adding "I think…" or "In my opinion" to "shoplifters should get a life sentence" might not be a pleonasm, but it's implicit in the nature of the statement that it's an opinion. So what's the purpose of adding extra words that restate what's obvious to a small child?

Obviously you know what the purpose is, because you recognise that [t]here are times when a bit of wooliness and extra emphasis is helpful. And you agree that my example sentence communicates different things when there are extra words, even though they don't add any extra literal meaning.

I did attempt to communicate that I don't think the extra words are always there to minimise or soften the impact of the opinion, but maybe I didn't make that very clear. I also hoped that, by writing one of my possible motivations/interpretations as "I think I'll sound posher/smarter/more important/more formal if I add more words", my wording would imply that sometimes, as you say, it makes the speaker sound a little pompous and that they believe because it it their opinion it carries more weight. I don't know what's more pompous than "I think I'll sound more important" Grin

And yeah, of course the "personal(ly)" is often superfluous in the examples people have been giving, in the literal sense. But people are using it for a reason — I suppose that for some it might have become a verbal habit, and yes, it can be annoying when language trends start suddenly popping up everywhere and they feel wrong to you for some reason. But there must be a reason people started doing it in the first place. If it adds no literal information, then it must have been added to serve some other communicative purpose, and I was trying to think through what those purposes might be, rather than just deciding that people started wasting their time with extra words for no reason other than to annoy me.

If you're fine with some pleonasms, but not this one, are you able to say what it is about "my personal opinion" that bugs you when other similar language use doesn't?

You're right about the first one. I was wrong. The word should implies opinion.

If you're fine with some pleonasms, but not this one, are you able to say what it is about "my personal opinion" that bugs you when other similar language use doesn't?

We all have our own little bugbears. This is one of mine. It's completely irrational. And to be perfectly honest, in real life, I don't get terribly excited by it.

In contrast, I absolutely hate people using I when it should be me. Interestingly, I'm not at all bothered by people using me when it should be I. So "Would you like to join Johnny and I at the cinema?" drives me insane whereas "Johnny and me are going to the cinema" doesn't particularly bother me.

SoManyTeeth · 26/03/2025 16:04

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/03/2025 15:02

You're right about the first one. I was wrong. The word should implies opinion.

If you're fine with some pleonasms, but not this one, are you able to say what it is about "my personal opinion" that bugs you when other similar language use doesn't?

We all have our own little bugbears. This is one of mine. It's completely irrational. And to be perfectly honest, in real life, I don't get terribly excited by it.

In contrast, I absolutely hate people using I when it should be me. Interestingly, I'm not at all bothered by people using me when it should be I. So "Would you like to join Johnny and I at the cinema?" drives me insane whereas "Johnny and me are going to the cinema" doesn't particularly bother me.

Yeah, hypercorrections like that can be especially annoying. Deep, deep down inside me lives my inner prescriptivist, and she's a punctilious and relentless little bugger. I try to keep her locked in her cage where nobody can see her, but I fight a neverending and thankless battle Grin

Apologies for the typos/autocorrects in my last post, BTW; I'd just done a load of washing-up and my phone was being an arse about detecting my prunefingers. Hope you were able to decipher them okay.

bigcushionlover · 26/03/2025 16:10

SmallFiresBurning · 26/03/2025 12:50

I agree OP.

Personally can do one, as can literally, and obviously. The unholy trinity of bloody unnecessary wank adverbs 😖

Shall we add basically too? I’ve interviewed people who repeatedly start sentences with these words and I want to tell them it sounds awful. Dh has started saying “right” at the end of every sentence, sometimes the middle too - I might have to kill him - watch out for the news story!

OP posts:
SoManyTeeth · 26/03/2025 16:31

bigcushionlover · 26/03/2025 16:10

Shall we add basically too? I’ve interviewed people who repeatedly start sentences with these words and I want to tell them it sounds awful. Dh has started saying “right” at the end of every sentence, sometimes the middle too - I might have to kill him - watch out for the news story!

Mine says "Yeeaaahhh hii" in a really irritating cadence at the beginning of the call, every time whatever organisation he's rung answers the phone. Like, "Neauxdox Medical Practice, how can I help you?" "Yeaaahhh hiii" "You've reached Bulky Mick's Inconvenient Scaffolding, leave a message." "Yeeaahh hiii" and every second leading up to it I'm tense with the knowledge that HE'S GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN 😡

DaisyChain505 · 26/03/2025 16:45

Therefore I won’t get a simple lie in (which I so desperately need) or a cup of tea as the MIL will arrive at 9/10am after a 3hr journey.

So your MIL will be leaving at 6/7am to make it to you for 9/10am? That seems a bit odd.

There’s no reason you can’t still have a lie in and have breakfast in bed made for you before getting up ready for MIL to arrive for lunch.

Once that’s done excuse yourself and go and do something you like to do alone. Get your nails done, go shopping, if that’s something you enjoy or just something with just your DH and kids instead.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/03/2025 17:33

DaisyChain505 · 26/03/2025 16:45

Therefore I won’t get a simple lie in (which I so desperately need) or a cup of tea as the MIL will arrive at 9/10am after a 3hr journey.

So your MIL will be leaving at 6/7am to make it to you for 9/10am? That seems a bit odd.

There’s no reason you can’t still have a lie in and have breakfast in bed made for you before getting up ready for MIL to arrive for lunch.

Once that’s done excuse yourself and go and do something you like to do alone. Get your nails done, go shopping, if that’s something you enjoy or just something with just your DH and kids instead.

Is that your personal opinion

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