‘the Change’ C4 - Reflective of most women

[StarlightWaltz]

So as a perimenopausal Mother of 2 I found myself laughing and crying watching ‘The Change’ on C4. It has struck such a cord with me and the women I know.

it’s portrayal of women holding the majority of the mental load and the household burden, whilst also having to be mothers, wives, and career women really hit home.

I look around all my friends and see if this is true for almost all of them as well. In a lot of my friends’ relationships the women earn more, but are still responsible for the bulk of the household work.

One of my pet hates is men ‘babysitting’ their own kids! It being praised for doing a share of the housework or that women still tend to have to buy/plan gifts and Christmas for the family and even their partner’s family - I’m very guilty of allowing this to happen in my life.

Am I being unreasonable to think imbalance is still true in most relationships?

It’s not true for me or my friendship group. We are all late 30s to mid 40s though so not sure if that has a bearing on it. For me, I earn slightly less and do fewer household tasks than my husband! All my friendship group work full time and split housework and childcare. I don’t think that it was the same for my parents’ generation though.

@Fagli thats really good to hear! I’m early 50s so a slightly different generation and the women are bearing most of the burden. I am planning on changing this at home, but do expect some resistance!

This is why i don’t work full time. It’ll be unfair for me. We balance by having the same “free time” as opposed to paid work time

Yy.

Although my dh does his fair share of chores, the mental load is all on me. I am not sure I have allowed this to happen, imo, if I don't cover it it doesn't get done and we had so many arguments over it. In fact that is the only thing we argue about.

He will happily cook, food shop and ferry kids around. He will take care of bills. But he won't plan anything, won't buy gifts, arrange playdates, sort out seeing family on both sides, deal with school/teachers, doesn't sort out the house, their clothes, the list goes on and on. The emtional support of all the kids is my job and my job only as he just won't really engage unless I ask him to intervene.

He will do things if I prepare lists, which I will do often and then have to chase the list being complete. But sometimes it would be quicker to do it myself but I need to feel supported. I am exhausted all the time.

I have often been reminded he is 'amazing' as he does way more than other husbands. Which is true. However I do work full time in a stressful job, earn more and we do have four kids.......

OP I don't know what the answer is. It seems that you have a choice, you can have kids and do everything yourself or you can remain child free and work on your career.

If I talk about choosing the right partner or refusing to be a skivvy, I'll be told that I'm victim blaming.

This is true for us although DH did much more when DDs were little. He will get stuff done around the house but I have to ask.

Partly this is my personality though, I kind of like being the important one in charge, and the bridge over troubled water, and he is a bit lazy and is more of a procrastinator than me.

My husband is really hands-on, both with the house and with the kids, but what really gets under my skin is the praise heaped upon him for doing it. I’m constantly told how lucky I am to have him, but all he’s doing is the same as me, for whom it’s just expected.

I absolutely loved series 1, I went to watch Bridget Christie on her stand up tour, and it’s probably the first time I’ve seen / heard a comic talking about things that resonate so much with me. She was hilarious.

I’m sorry to see it is also true for many women on here too.

@ForWhomTheBellPepperTolls and @Travelban I find it is mostly women who praise the ‘amazing’ men for doing the jobs they do without praise everyday. I’ve decided I’m never going to do that type of praising ever again!!

It is very true that it is the women doing the praising. Also true for me that my husband was much more hands on when the kids were little. Ptobably as he found it easier to deal with practical tasks than emotional ones.

I am not sure what the solution is. I am in my early 50s and I am happy to see that the situation is improving for thr younger generation. I worry my daughters will have my life. I don't want them to.

It’s why heterosexual relationships have always seemed unappealing to me. I find managing my life overwhelming so if I had to do that for a partner I would collapse.

A 50/50 split sounds great though.