Want a dog

[Doireallywanttodothis]

So, I’ve been with my husband forever. We got together when we were young and I said then, and have said all along, that I would like a dog. For a long time, two decades plus, our life wouldn’t have suited a dog so I never pushed it. We’ve now completely settled in our forever home, have upper primary aged children, cats (of a breed that is fine with dogs), elderly parent that means we won’t be travelling as much as we used to, and yes, have a busy life, but who doesn’t? I think now is the perfect time to, finally, get a dog. Have said I’ll do all the care of it, etc… (I do all vet, food ordering, etc… for the cats) but he’s adamant he doesn’t want a dog. I really, really want to finally get one. I know he’d love it when it was here (I sort of sprang one of our cats on him years ago and he adored it when he came round to it) but I don’t feel I can go against his explicit wishes. Do I have to just remain dogless?

You both have to be in agreement.

Our dog, who we had a puppy is year ago was predominantly for me. I was going to do all the care, walking etc just because I have more time than dh due to his work.

However, I now have a back issue (thanks to said dog pulling me over, so yes, she’s a massive twat), and had to spend some time recovering and will have to have some treatment soon which will mean a month or so rest. Which is fine as dh actually does more than me with her now anyway as they adore each other, so doesn’t mind taking over the walks when I can’t do it.

If he wasn’t fully on board and didn’t want the dog in the first place, that might have caused some issues.

If he doesn’t want one then you don’t get one. Having a dog is too big of a life change to not both be 100% on board.

Getting a dog WILL impact the whole household, it’s not physically possible for it not to impact him at all even if you do say you’ll do it all yourself, but do you really mean that?

You can do all the feeding & walking & vets, but it will still change and impact the whole house. The puppy howling in the night isn’t going to just keep you awake, it keeps everyone awake, when the puppy wee’s or poo’s inside (especially if carpet) that stain doesn’t just impact you, nobody can leave anything on the floor because puppy’s get it and chew it. You ALL have to do the training, that’s really important, the dog needs to be trained by all members of the house, so that’s not just you.

A dog can’t be left all day and you have primary age children, are you going to be the one who stays at home with the dog while your children go out for the day with your husband? Even if you are, your husband is then the one who is out alone with the kids, so it still impacts him, or your family time is spent differently and in a dog friendly way, so a walk in the park instead of soft play & lunch out, and that also impacts everyone.

You want to go on a family trip and it’s not dog friendly, are you going to pay for your dog to be boarded elsewhere? If you have joint finances then that’s not just you paying, it impacts family finances. Same with injury & insurance, it’s expensive.

You fancy a last min family trip to Alton Towers/the farm etc for the day, not possible, dog’s at home and can’t be left all day.

You honestly can’t compare cats to dogs, as long as you put food down for a cat you’re sorted, dogs need so so much more it’s crazy. The walking, the hours and hours of training, the destroying of furniture and flooring snd carpets, the not being able to be left, the separation anxiety that lots go through, the puppy proofing of the whole house, the having to think even about car journeys and how long the dog will be okay without a stop for a wee for, the costs of dog walker/home boarder/vets, the having to still go out and walk when it’s -1, snowing and icy or torrential raining and windy…

I have a dog, have always had dogs and I adore my dog but it is hard work and it changes your whole life, they are incredibly tying and that lasts for 12+ years. If everyone in the house isn’t 100% yes then the answer is no.

I love dogs, have had dogs but now wouldn’t want one. Too much of a tie imo and I can’t believe how much vets, insurance, grooming, doggy care etc cost nowadays

A dog is a lifestyle choice that should never ever be forced on someone who doesn’t want it. If you’re not both in full enthusiastic agreement, don’t do it.

Don’t spring it on him like you did the cat, only get one if he agrees and you are happy to do all the work involved.
if he doesn’t, respect his choice and remain dogless.

Agree with the above. Dogs are such a commitment. We have a dog as we thought it would be good for our only child and I work from home, however we are now tied to the house and need a sitter if we want a day out/away. I get frustrated being the ‘only one’ here with the dog all day and get touched out by him. I have to prioritise his needs over mine when I get a 5 min break in between 4 client hours. I now need to do a placement for a course and don’t know how we will manage someone being here if I’m not. I’ve had to adapt my planting in the garden because of him, which has impacted my ‘happy space’ which is crucial for my own mental health. I have an extremely emotionally & mentally demanding job and need to get away even for days/weekends which is now a challenge. He is part of the family now and my son loves him but most of the time we regret getting him. They wind each other up and we are constantly saying ‘leave the dog alone’/ ‘stop winding the dog up’. We do a lot less Lego etc now as a family in the main areas as the dog would eat it if it fell on the floor. The baby gates to the office/upstairs are a constant pain in the arse. We enjoy him for 20% of the time and regret having him 80% of the time.

I would be livid if a dog was sprung on me by my DH in the hope that I'd change my mind once it was in the house.

Dogs are so much work, a massive responsibility and whilst you may want one, I think you need to keep reading @SparklePopRampage post because that's the reality of having a dog.

I would love a dog but won't get one because of the massive commitment. And I have had dogs before and loved them to pieces. I'm hoping that soon someone will invent a robot dog that looks exactly like a dog, behaves like a dog but can be turned off when you have to leave the house.

Maybe go and look at a specific dog together, then decide, rather than making generic, sweeping statements. Consider a breed that doesn’t require lots of long walks, doesn’t make a huge mess, isn’t too big for your house etc.

When you said when you got together you wanted a dog was he in agreement?

I disagree with the previous posters that he has the right to veto you having a dog. You have been upfront since the start of your relationship that this is something you have always wanted, it isn't a surprise to him. It sounds to me like he doesn't want a dog, but has strung you along for years kicking the can down the road, and now it is actually manageable is letting his true view be known which is dishonest and manipulative.

I agree ideally you should both be in agreement, if having a dog was something you had recently wanted. But you have been clear from the outset and he has always known that. So why hasn't he told you no previously, or when you got together?

Any relationship I get into they know I have a dog now, will have dogs in the future, but also plan to add a cow and a donkey into the mix. If once we were tied by marriage and by kids they then told me no, I'd be bloody livid.

You both need to be in agreement on this I'm afraid. With the best will in the world there is no way you'll be able to do absolutely everything for the dog. You'll need to be able to confidently lean on others in the family for support and if you can't do that, then you'll have to pay to outsource. Also bear in mind that dogs are VERY expensive. Insurance for my 10yo lab is about £2500 a year plus food, vets, walking etc.

How about exploring Borrow My Doggy? Get your OH used to having a dog coming into the house for shorter periods of time to try it out? Maybe once he's used to the idea, he may come round.

If he comes round, avoid getting a puppy though as they are full on. Look at getting a mature rescue perhaps - trained etc. It'll be an easier transition.

Good luck!

You cannot spring a dog on him. Cats are totally different, although I don't really agree with that either. Pets are a massive long committment, you both need to be on board. If he won't ever change his mind then as long as you are together you will have to remain dogless. It sucks but honestly, you both need to want a dog otherwise it will cause all sorts of issues.

Okay, I hear you all! I’ll just keep working on him and see where we get to. And I definitely won’t spring one on him! I was always upfront about wanting a dog but we were teens/early twenties and we weren’t in a position to have one/I don’t think he took it seriously. We both come from cat families (me multiple, him one) so while he has been less keen on the cats than me they haven’t been as much of a problem. It’s just that now, a couple of decades on with me intermittently saying how much I’d like a dog and him ignoring me, we have the perfect set up for a dog and I’ve always wanted a lovely working line black lab and I’ve found the perfect breeders…

Oh god, does it have to be a working line lab?

I grew up with golden retrievers, and apart form a decade long stint without one as we were renting, I’ve always had them.

Working line dogs can be hard work. They generally need a lot more stimulation than their “show” equivalents. I’ve always had show line goldens but I’ve had one working one in my life and Jesus, never again, completely different kettle of fish.

Labs are great, but I would rethink the working line unless you have lots of time to dedicate to training.

Working line dogs are working dogs and are built for being on the go ALL THE TIME it is literally in their breeding. They will need huge amounts of exercise and will constantly be looking at you for the next command and are clever and require huge amounts of stimulation. They don’t usually do well with periods of separation because they are usually in small teams/packs working together or with a farmer working all day. If your idea is having a nice cuddle on the sofa in your pyjamas in the evening and maybe having a nice dog asleep at your feet then do not get a working breed, they are mental and hardly ever sit still. You will feel guilty for sitting down for 2 mins as they want your interaction all the time. Just consider it carefully. Cute yes, take over your whole life, also yes. Good luck 😊

Kindly OP, you haven’t thought this through. You’ve said yourself you already have busy lives, and you want to add a working line Lab in? Do you have a spare 3 hours a day? because you’ll need it.

Our Lab is working line, nearly 4 now, and he could run all day. He gets 3 hours ish of walking a day, 1 hour morning, 30-45 mins lunchtime, 1.5-2 hours at night.

He can do a 4 mile run with me, come back and go straight into the garden looking for a toy to play with.

He’s perfectly trained now but that took YEARS of constant practice, and I do mean constant, hours every single day for the best part of 18 months to get him to recall, to walk nicely on a lead, to not jump up at people, to not steal food from people/off the bench/table, to not chew/destroy beds/sofas/walls/doors/shoes. It is relentless and such hard work it’s unbelievable, it takes over your life.

Honestly, this is bonkers.

You don't go around finding breeders when your partner does not even want a dog. Deciding to have a dog is like having a child - both people have to be 'in,' not persuaded and not 'worked on.' Because if even one of you isn't 100% committed, it's going to fail - and the animal will suffer for it.

And a 'working-line' anything for a first time owner is a disaster waiting to happen. If you're determined to push this, at least compromise and get a dog that isn't going to require 24/7 stimulation and attention.

Edit: I breed Goldies (Show line) - and I don't know a single 'working line' breeder who would sell to a first time owner. The only ones who would sell to you are 100% people no one should buy a puppy from - negligent idiots who run a huge risk selling working line dogs to unprepared and ill-advised owners.

I’m a dog lover and am besotted with mine but so is my dh and dc. It was a family decision.
I dislike cats (sorry!). Their ears and tails gross my out so I would never agree to having one.

you need to get your dh on side with this. Dogs are a bigger commitment than cats and can be much more needy.

Working line 😂

Off topic, but as a life long owner of goldies, your user name is 100% spot on for someone who spends a lot of time with golden pups 🤣

Dh said I’d have to look after the puppy… I pointed out he worked from home so that wouldn’t be realistic and he’d have to be on board. we’ll… ddog is 4.5 years now and dh is his biggest fan. We now have a 5 month old puppy too 😂 DH admits he’s happier with dogs in our life.

I feel like I’ve done a lot of warning and the dog is looking at me and I feel a bit guilty now 😂. To be fair to him our dog is an excellent dog, fantastic around children and is a ten star love dog. My niece who is 2 is obsessed with him. We’ve trained him well (unless he sees a pigeon or squirrel then he’s got a one track mind) and he’s fine on his own for 3 hours at a time. We live in the country and have a good garden and he has an excellent quality of life.

It just is relentless at times, when you want to crash after a hard day, the dog then needs you and it’s his ‘on the go’ time because you’ve been working all day. It’s easier in summer, wet days can be depressing. They are always happy to see you, but can also be demanding in terms of time and attention, they are both sides of the same coin in every way, so you get both sets of experiences; huge love and joy and also lots of hard work. Always happy to see you, but then don’t leave you alone in the same ways as a toddler (even follow you to the toilet) and you can’t all go out at the same time if it’s for longer than a couple of hours.

They can bring lots of love into your life, just be prepared for the less joyous or lovely parts. Oh and you’ll be picking up poo for what feels like a constant process, just pick it up and there they go again. 😅 Dog wee is awful for putting patches in your grass unless you immediately water the area with a hose/watering can. We are having to investigate paying a home boarder to be able to get away in summer as our families are not in a position to help out anymore (illness). Oh also, say goodbye to any lay ins you may now be getting with your children getting slightly older!

Breed is so important. I don’t think you can emphasise that enough. Any decent breeder will want to ask about your home, situation and will request the dog back rather than it being rehomed. It’s always best to see the mother with the pups. If you’re going KC registered make sure the proper checks have been done ie hip checks etc depending on breed. Look for healthy mouths and well bred dogs will have been socialised. Best.

My friend didn’t want a dog at all and his family cajoled, pushed and insisted that they would do all the care. They got the dog and he hates it. He has had to change his working life to accommodate the dog he didn’t want, they all have to plan everything around it and he doesn’t like the smell of it. One of his teenagers refuses to walk the dog at all and the other would rather not.
My friend spends more time out of the house to get away from the dog and they’re all a bit miserable. He resents the animal.
Everyone who could possibly be caring for the dog needs to be totally onboard from the get-go, especially the adults.

Okay, I hear you all, again. Re the working line. I’ve had a job in the past where I worked with dogs for years, I do know what dog ownership (inc of a working line dog!) requires and I do feel we’re at a place in our life where I can give a dog all that and they’ll be a great addition to the family. And we, thankfully, have the finance for full insurance, etc… But I get we all (well DH) need to be onboard with that. So I guess I’ll really push it discussion wise and work out whether he has concerns we can work around or whether he just isn’t willing to go there 🙁.

I begged my DH for over a year to get a dog, he was adamant that we weren’t getting one due to the mess and commitment. During the end of last year we were going through a rough time and I stayed at my mothers for a few weeks and I (childishly) decided sod him, I want a dog and it will make me happy, so I got one. Within a couple weeks we were back living together and the dog loves him more than me😂 my DH is obsessed with him and he honestly makes him so happy. I regret how I went about it but I don’t regret getting him he’s the best and brightens up our day.