Nursery dilemma: Move or don't?

[Ffionnn]

So DS is at a school nursery, they do two nursery years, age 2-3 and age 3-4. When DS started in the 3-4 class, a lot of new children joined, and he has gone from being very well liked to being bullied by a group of new kids. School are being very unhelpful and turning a blind eye. He does school nursery 4 days a week, and childminder 1 day a week.The bullying has really put me off this school nursery, and I worry that it is damaging him.

There is another primary locally that will have a place for him when he starts Reception this September, but they don't have a nursery, so he can't move to them before then. I am tempted to ask the childminder if he can come to her for more days, to minimise his time around the bullies, but the childminder is very popular, so I doubt she will have a space.

If the childminder doesn't have space, aibu to move DS to a day nursery for the last term of Nursery, or should he make do with school nursery until they break up for summer?

YABU- keep him where he is

YANBU- move him

I work full time, so he has to attend childcare, but equally I am worried that two moves in a matter of months (school nursery to day nursery, day nursery to reception) might be too much.

Difficult decision - do you have a gut feeling?

I would start with childminder - she most likely will have more space during summer holidays which might be good. Then talk to nursery again, then put your concerns in writing. A negative review on Facebook or Google might catch their attention if talking and emailing has no good outcome.

@Tweetyeyes thank you for the advice, I will start with the childminder. I have put in writing what DS has said has happened, but Nursery just claim that that's not happening and DS is confused, even when I've seen the boys be nasty to him with my own eyes

If this school nursery is not linked to the primary school your child will go to, then get him out and try the childminder or another nursery setting. There's no need for them to be there.

If he's going to primary school linked to this nursery and these children upsetting him are also going, I would be demanding action from the staff. And probably looking to remove from nursery so even if they re-meet in reception class the children might have 'forgotten' and leave you child alone in future years.

@Pancakeflipper I was intending to send him to the primary school with the nursery attached (A), but having seen the lack of care that they have about the bullying, I have asked primary school B, and they have a reception place for him in September, but they don't have a Nursery.

I will ask the childminder as first port of call, I am worried that two setting moves in less than 6 months might be a but much for him. It's a real shame as he fundamentally loves the Nursery at school A, but the bullying spoils everything

Can you explain what sort of behaviour he's being subjected to? In my view 3 year olds are rarely socially aware enough to be bullies. They can be selfish and impulsive but bullying is more than that.

What is DS reporting?

I'm not at all suggesting that nursery shouldn't be dealing with violence in any case, but I think they might interpret the situation differently. Go and have a chat with them, or perhaps arrange a meeting the headteacher and see what happens. Learning how to communicate with good faith to get beyond issues is going to hold you in good stead for your child's education in general.

@TheWonderhorse they are all 4 now, the boys were following Ds around hitting him at a birthday party, I stepped in and spoke to the parents about it and the hitting stopped, but now they come up behind him when the teacher isn't looking and say nasty things in his ears about how they hate him and he isn't their friend, and loudly tell other kids that they don't like him and they tell the other kids to leave him out, so now he hasn't got friends.

They won't leave him alone, if he moves away they follow him, and if he tells the teacher they don't believe him because the boys are 'nice', aka they behave well when the teacher is looking.

That is shocking. If we saw it at preschool, we’d be on it like a ton of bricks but often school nurseries have a lower ratio of staff to children because of there being a qualified teacher.

I think there would be greater supervision in a private nursery tbh if the Cm doesn’t have spaces. Never mind the upheaval - better that than having to endure these boys. And don’t send him to that primary school!

So ask cm first then day nursery and rescue your poor son

Which setting do the majority of children from School B attend before starting school? For example, is there a specific pre-school that tends to be used by most of the parents at that school? If so, then try get him in there as at least then when he does make a second move in September, then he'll already know some of the children at reception.

I would move him.

I never thought I would say that a few months ago, but my son just moved from the toddlers to the pre-school room earlier this year, and he is so unhappy! The contrast with the previous room is striking.
I don't think he is "bullied" to the extent you are describing, but he is saying that other children hit him (I assume in their play as opposed to voluntarily).

We're moving him to a council run pre-school which is much bigger and only operates 9-3, with a childminder for wraparound care.
I'm sure it differs regionally, but they had loads of availability compared with private nurseries around us (due to the restricted hours I assume).

Move him regardless, you can't leave him in that situation and the staff are being wilfully oblivious. If staff aren't listening, take that classic mumsnet line - they are showing you who they are, believe them! He's little, so learning to make new friends in a new setting is great social practice anyway and there might be a little friend moving to the new school.