For context: I don’t get on with BIL (DH’s brother). Neither does he, never has. For many reasons but BIL is selfish and a prolific liar. He’s kowtowed financially and emotionally by PILs despite being in his 40’s, which has made him really irresponsible and he behaves like a 15yo. He’s also very childish on social media (relevant) - he posts EVERY waking thought and grievance.
3.5 years ago he got 2 XL Bullies. Despite the fact he lives in a 1st floor flat with no outdoor space, and went on to rarely walk them (PIL would do the walking because BIL “never felt up to it”). My kids were 4 and 7 when he got them. We said under no circumstances would our kids be around them and if there were family gatherings and the dogs were there we wouldn’t go or we’d turn the car around. ILs would tell me they are soft dogs but I was taking no chances. BIL is VERY bitter about this and would always make passive aggressive bitter comments when he did see us about us not wanting the dogs round our kids and how we are over reacting.
Anyway, one of them was PTS last week. BIL said it’s because of an illness but I’m v sceptical because he’s a perpetual liar. This was supposedly discovered and he was PTS on the same day.
Anyway he’s been very vocal on social media about his grief in the last week, several posts a day about how he misses the dog. I do know that it is very painful when you lose a dog (one of the reasons I don’t own one anymore). But I never ever comment on social media posts, or react to them either. If I have something to say to people I DM them. I haven’t DM’d BIL because he isn’t someone I speak to really. DH hasn’t messaged him because he isn’t insincere in any way and he thinks it’s a good thing the dog has been PTS. It’s his brother so I’m not getting involved in the politics. We also have our own stuff going on with our kids at the moment.
Anyway ILs have called DH to say BIL is upset that his own brother and SIL haven’t extended their condolences after his loss, and have asked us to message him or send him a card as he’s taken it personally and thinks we are glad his dog died.
To digress a little, my dad died a few years ago. He was quite young and it was sudden so at the time, I was his next of kin so I did inform close family and then made a generic Facebook post to let wider family know in one go with funeral details. Because I barely post on Facebook I easily found this post and BIL didn’t comment, react, nor did he message me. I also don’t recall him offering his condolences in person - even though he knew at the time because we couldnt attend his DD’s christening last minute as I had to go and identify my dad’s body (DH made an eleventh hour phone call to tell BIL we wouldn’t be attending and why).
WIBU to not message BIL or offer my sympathy? DH says he’ll offer his condolences when he sees him in person but TBH I’m annoyed BIL has even brought it up like his dog’s death is more important and significant or sympathy worthy than my dad’s.