To wonder if I’m doing something wrong with bedtimes?

[makingsoup]

I am on my own with two children, aged four and coming up for two (twenty one months, to be precise.)

DD is outgrowing her toddler bath so I now shower DS first, while DD either watches CBeebies on the TV in my room or listens to the tonie box. Then DS is dried and in his pyjamas, I then read him some stories while DD is in the bath (I can see her, it’s an en suite.)

Then she comes out. This is when it all goes downhill.

She screams when I’m brushing her teeth and then once she’s calm gets horrible to DS when I’m reading to them both, shoving him away. He then starts getting silly and rolling around my bed and throwing cushions around. They both bicker and squabble until it’s time for bed.

I have tried a number of different ways but the only way to stop the bickering is separate bedtime routines and that takes ages.

Is this just something I have to wait out? Fed up tonight!

Could the older one watch some TV or occupy themselves whilst you bath, read stories and put younger one to bed? Then you repeat again with the older one? Avoid time they're together so they can't fall out on the run up to bedtime

Maybe alternate nights as to which one gets a bath. Brush DDs teeth before her bath. The silliness, I’m sorry not much use on this as mine still do it, I try to keep them apart!

Also if you’ve already read to DS can’t he go to bed at that point? Then pop and give him a cuddle and chat after you’ve finished with DD

I have a similar age gap to this, and my husband was deployed a lot during that time.

I used to sort out the younger one first, whilst the older would read / play something quietly.

We moved shortly after and they then shared a room which oddly really helped.

I also did a shared bath which made things easier as they loved playing & having a splash. Could that work?

A bit random but have you tried doing bath/shower in the morning? I used to bath my son at night and instead of being a nice relaxing experience he ended up hyper and bouncing off the walls!

It’s not clear whose older? but it doesn’t sound fair that dd has to occupy herself while ds gets your full attention bathing him and then ds is still getting your attention being read to when it’s her bath time. No wonder she’s lashing out at him when it’s should be her time for stories.

I would have bathedthem together at that age but if that doesn’t work for them, you need to do one at a time so they both get bathed and read to separately

Same.

It sounds like your DD is seeking your attention so why don’t you try setting a routine where she gets a bedtime story by herself after their joint one. Im Not sure who is older but she is your older one you can explain this to her and that she needs to listen nicely to get her own story.
Is there a reason that you don’t bath them together?

Do you need to bath her at night? Mine finds winding down much harder afterwards. He either has a morning bath or shower, and then bedtime is a lot calmer.

I had to do separate with all 3 of mine. I had boys so could bath them all together which made life easier.
But I'd start with the youngest while other two watched tv in bedroom. One story and get them onto bed then repeat twice more

Can you bath them together? DD gets out dried and pjs on onto bed to watch CBeebies. DS out friends. Watch the rest of programme. DS stays in your bed watch next episode. DD story and cuddles in her room and bed. Go back for DS story cuddles and bed his room?

That's what I do. I have same age gap only two boys

I always bathed my older two together as well.

Could your DD be jealous of the baby ? My 4yo DS is quite jealous of his 13months old sister (he never had an issue with his older brother). He never wants to play with her or even to sit near her. To be fair at her age she does ruin his game a lot if we allow her to run rampant (which we usually don't). But yeah the pushing and shoving does sound like a call for attention.

Do you pick one book for them both ? Does that mean a more babyish book to cater to DS being younger ? I let my two older sons each choose one book that we'll read. If they can't agree who goes first we pick randomly.

Could you offer her a reward for good behaviour ? Like, do the routine with them both, but if she sits nicely while you read the story, once DS is in bed you sit with her in her bed and read her one last story that she chooses (would take 5-10 min more but if it works would be worth it).

Forgot to add - did you try giving her big sister tasks ? Like help bathe the baby ? My DS1 is very keen to help. It makes them feel important and grown up, and it's a positive interaction with younger siblings.

Given you said your DD is outgrowing her toddler bath, I assume she is the younger one. Please do not let her have a bath alone whilst you’re reading your other child a story - 21 months is far too young to be in the bath alone, even if you can “see” - full attention needs to be on the child in the bath at that age. Sorry if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick

Why can’t you wash them together? Why does your son get all the attention?

Bath them together, and I agree bathing in the morning or even afternoon I find much easier

I bath my 4yo son and 2yo daughter together. They brush their teeth in the bath. They sleep in the same room so we do stories and songs (they each pick one story and one song) and, if there's any fighting, I will give them a warning before I stop and turn out the light and leave.

It works for us.

I have a 3.5 y/o and almost 15 m/o. Older one goes first. I do bath/wash up, teeth, pj's and into bed. Cuddle and chat a few mins then say it's baby's turn so time for sleep. Lights out and usually close door.
Then 15 m/o's routine. Works well majority of the time (a simple majority, mind you.) 😂

Similar age children 21mo and 3.5yo. Tried doing bedtime together, doesn’t work.

I bath the older one, then settle him with tv or toys or drawing. Then I bath the younger one (sometimes bath together but they love it so much it’s the opposite of relaxing). Then I do stories for the younger one and kisses and bed. Then I do stories for the older one in a separate room (they share a room so I want the younger to fall asleep) or do some drawing or whatever he wants to do, but it’s one on one. Then he goes to bed, kisses and cuddles. From bath to bed is 90 minutes - 2 hours.

@RickiRaccoonthis is the dream! How do you stop them getting out of bed? My youngest would be up in a shot if I didn’t do proper bedtime for him.

This. Poor DD seems to get a really rough deal.