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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Chat with and ex

7 replies

flirtyornot · 24/03/2025 13:31

Just over 6/7 months ago I was out with some friends and bumped into my ex with his friends. It was good to see him and have a catch up. We live in the same town and do occasionally meet.

For context i was with him 9 years, split up almost 15 years ago now. It was amicable, we grew up I guess and were wanting different things. During that time I nursed him for over a year after a major accident. We travelled the world together etc and I have some fond memories of that time. We still have each other on SM but that’s about it.

Anyways the night we bumped into each other, it was good to see him and his mates. We had a few drinks as a group and some photos were posted on SM. He messaged 2 days later, saying it was good to see me and that I was looking good, we messaged back and forth for a bit. Was really just asking how each of our families were doing, no mention of our current lives or partners. He knows I’m married and I know he has a partner.

Fast forward to this weekend and she has messaged me asking if I’m cheating with him or are we seeing each other again. I was honest and said I haven seen him in months and explained about the last time we did meet. She doesn’t believe me and has since messaged my DH thankfully he trusts me. I’ve had various messages about how I’m trying to break up her family etc and to stay away. He’s also been told to watch me as I will do the same with our family.

because of this I’ve messaged my ex asking him to speak to her. AIBU asking him to intervene and telling him she has contacted me. Normally I’m a girls girl and I’m all for sticking up for each other but this is now getting out of hand.

My DH has seen the messages and says some of them could be taken as him still being interested but does agree that it was just friendly chat. Was it unreasonable to spend a few hours as a group catching up? And was it unreasonable messaging afterwards really just chatting about his family and mine?

OP posts:
TY78910 · 24/03/2025 14:10

I think their relationship issues are theirs to resolve.

for your own peace, just don’t interact with either of them and go about your business like you have done for the last 15 years. your DH has no issue with what’s happened, so you don’t need to concern yourself with her jealousy.

Endofyear · 24/03/2025 14:49

I don't think you've done anything wrong but if I were you, I'd just block her and stop all contact with him. You don't need the drama in your life!

Rosie8880 · 24/03/2025 18:21

You’ve done nothing wrong. You don’t owe her an explanation. I would leave the both of them alone. No more contact. It must have been nice to see your ex after all this time - and it sounds like it was a meaningful experience & it’s been in your mind. Which is fine. It’s for messy now - leave it in the past.

flirtyornot · 25/03/2025 00:31

Thanks I just wanted to check I wasn’t being unreasonable or if there was something wrong with what we done.

he’s always been on my SM so will leave him there we don’t message or contact each other at all just that one time after we had met.

we have met over the years as live in the same town but it’s always very similar we have a catch up and that’s it.

OP posts:
IlooklikeNigella · 25/03/2025 01:01

You did nothing but stay away from them.

user1492757084 · 25/03/2025 01:15

Stay away from him. He needs to allay his own wife's fears.

You don't need their trouble. Demote him on your facebook.

Agix · 25/03/2025 06:01

YANBU. They have shit they need to sort out and you got dragged into it.

I don't agree that you should have to stay away from him and not contact him, as you're not doing anything wrong, but it'll be a quieter life for you if you do stop speaking with him.

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