Primary decisions

[Carpen]

So I am the single parent of a preschooler who has been identified as being gifted by professionals, as they are working several years ahead of their age at everything. My child would be starting Reception in September.

Better off relatives have offered to pay for my child to go to a prep school not far from where we live. I know they would keep this promise for the duration of DC's primary education.

Equally, we have a state primary close to us that is in the top 10 primaries for academic performance in our county, but is undersubscribed as a neighbouring school just got outstanding, so kids are going there instead. It isn't our catchment school (catchment primary is terrible), so potentially DC would be the only child from our sub-area going there.

I would love for DC to go to grammar school. Because of my low income, DC would be eligible for free school means and pupil premium if they went to state primary, and being pupil premium would lower the pass mark for grammar for them by 20 points, which of course they wouldn't get if they went private. Equally, I think they might benefit from the academic stretch at a prep school, but I wouldn't want that to be at the cost of them getting a place at a good secondary, as our catchment secondary is awful, and private secondary is out of the question for me. I am feeling incredibly grateful to relatives for the offer, as no way could I afford any private school myself, but also torn as to whether to take them up on their kind offer.

What would you do?
YABU- go with the private school
YANBU- go with the state school

Hi OP,

It’s difficult to say without knowing more. However, if there is a state primary nearby that you are happy with I would try that first and move to private if needed rather than the other way round.

Im not sure if being ‘gifted’ so young will necessarily continue. E.g are they just ahead with reading/writing? Or are we speaking about the next Einstein?

Who are these relatives that are offering to pay?

If you are in a grammar school area I think you sound fairly well sorted for schools.

@Squiggles23 my DC got tested and was found to be working at the level of a year 3/4 child, which was a bit of a shock. I admittedly had assumed that DC was just regular levels of bright. I suppose I just want DC to have the best chances in life, and want them to be kept challenged enough that they develop a good work ethic rather than coasting along on ability alone and then crashing when things get too hard.

Surely the key question is how the schools you are considering will stretch a bright child? Don't assume private will be better.

@Carpen presumably you are doing a lot of work with them to achieve that? Or not?

Have you been to see the schools for a look around and speak to the teacher?

It really depends on the school.
Some private schools are less good than a good state primary, and some are better.
The cohort in the school is alos relevant, and you don't knwo who her peers will be at this point.
How bigis the private school, there is a balance between wonderful small classes and classes too small for a decent peer group and friendships.

How will either school support her giftedness (and I don't recommend that she is put ahead into an older class, that isn't great for her socially)

@Squiggles23 nope, my kid seems to be hyperlexic and is the type of child who is always hungry to find out more, which has been a steep learning curve for me as a parent. I wouldn't want them moved up, my DC's social skills and physical size are age appropriate, so chucking them in with older kids would be a terrible idea.

@steppemum* *The prep school seems very academically focused, with lots of extracurriculars (ballet, drama, coding ..etc) , but the leavers seem to mostly go on to private secondary. Very culturally diverse, which is nice. They said they would stretch DC, by setting different harder work for them, and parents say teachers give a lot of guidance and feedback on the children's work. Children have homework every day from Reception. There are about 30-40 children per year, so 15-20 in each class.

The rural primary punches above its weight academically, getting really good SATs results both at the expected and higher level, but it is single form entry, with 20-25 kids per class/year, and not at all culturally diverse, but seems really nurturing, with learning being quite play based, and the children do nice things like grow fruit and veg, have school animals to care for, do forest school ..etc. The head knows all the children by name. About about 3-5 kids go on to grammar from the school each year. They talked about a previous pupil they had had who started reception with ability levels like my child, and how they got their year 6 teacher to set that child's work.

I have spoken to parents at both schools, and they seem happy.

It feels hard to tell from the outside which would suit my DC better, because we haven't had a child like this in the family before, so I want to send them somewhere where they will be happy, but will also develop good study skills.

Could the relatives pay for private secondary rather than primary school, as the state primary sounds very good?

In a grammar school area, the advice is usually to pay for primary.
That way they stand a good chance of getting into a grammar school and then don't need to pay for private secondary

I'd look carefully at the support for each, both how they'll stretch her and general SEN support. Not saying it's always the case, but quite a lot of hyperlexic children also have ASD. My daughter was one of them, started school ahead but (even with a very supportive school) struggled to the extent she's now average in her class. She's in state and in theory would benefit from the smaller classes of private, but a lot of private schools don't want SEN children who may upset the other children/parents and bring their results down.

I think they would benefit more from private secondary than primary. I imagine it would be really difficult for them to leave private school to go to a state secondary school

@Hayley1256 we live in a grammar area, so the grammar schools tend to be higher ability and get better results than the private schools

It's not just about results though, all the people I know that went to private secondary school had amazing opportunities- big finance firms were doing recruitment seminars with them during their final year and they made great connections. They all walked into high paying jobs when they left Uni

@Hayley1256 it would be relatives paying, and they have offered to pay for primary, so I feel it wouldn't be fair of me to ask them to pay for secondary instead, which is much more expensive

If you’re DC is gifted as you say, they won’t need the extra 20 points to get into grammar.

Surely they won’t be eligible for a reduced grammar place for fsm as private schools won’t have free school meals?

Sorry just realized I read the opening wrong. In a strongly contested grammar school area the pupil premium advantage could be really useful.

@Overthebow I suppose I worry, as previously, in our area, each grammar school had its own exam, so there were several opportunities for a chid to pass the 11 plus and get into grammar school. However, now it's one exam sat once, with that one result deciding if they qualify for any of the grammar schools in our area or any in the two neighbouring areas.

So whereas, under the old system, a bright DC could have one bad day and still have lots of schools to choose from, under the new system if your child has an uncharacteristic bad day on exam day, say their pet dies or they have a tummy bug, they won't be going to grammar school full stop.

Dc is entitled to pupil premium because of our circumstances, so I worry that by accepting this kind offer, I might disadvantage DC.

I would start them at the state primary and see how it goes. Some are really great at working with super-gifted kids and others not so much. If it doesn’t work, it’s fine to move to prep school later.