Wanting to start a family & move back to the UK

[Abp123]

Hi everyone!
I moved to Canada with my almost husband 2 years ago & he never wants to move back to the uk. I’ve recently decided I’d like to have a family in the new few years (we were both never bothered). I could never imagine bringing up a family without my parents & sister around me and want to move back to the uk.

not sure how to approach this with my other half. Any tips will be appreciated.

Thank you!

Are you prepared to split with him if he wants to stay?
I totally understand your stance. Canada is far and expensive to visit the UK from; don’t know where exactly you are but the more west you are the more isolating it is due to the time difference. I had the baby on the west coast with all my support network in Europe and UK and hated it.

well, it sounds as if you may have to split with him.

Give him the chance to think about it first, though. "darling, I know the plan was that we would live here for ever and be blissfully happy just the two of us; but I've recently started having this hankering after having children. I realise that's a major spanner to throw in your works, and another one is that I'd want to go back to the UK to do it... would you have a think about this and let me know whether it's something you would be prepared to do?"

It’s not fair to make him go . So if that’s what you want , split .

That’s two quite massive differences in what you want.

I went to live with my dc and husband in another country when my dc were pre school age and it was honestly awful just bringing them up with no family when they did have some. I felt as it I was cheating them and cheating our families too.

If you’re 40+, have a baby in Canada with your husband. Bluntly, you likely won’t have enough time to meet someone new, get to know them and have a baby together before your fertility window closes. Unless you don’t mind having a baby through sperm donor, of course - then move home and crack on.

A bit late in the game to be realising these things, to be honest. It all depends on the circumstances around the relocation to Canada. Was it meant to be a permanent move ? If it was, then you are being extremely selfish by suggest to go back to the UK.
Have your children in Canada or break up and go back to the UK and find yourself another partner.

Given the choice of having a family in Canada or the UK - personally, Canada would win for me. I was an older mum (35) with my first and despite having family near, I was left to my own devices.

Speak with your partner, if he wants a family then between you, decide where is best but think ahead to those children’s options rather than just your own needs, which country could offer them more!

Having your family nearer at hand wouldn't necessarily mean you had any more help.

If you haven't had any plans for a baby, maybe that is the conversation you broach first? Maybe he doesn't want any, and it wouldn't matter which country you were living in?

You have to be honest about how you're feeling. I think you should have involved him at an earlier stage. It seems quite odd to be saying "I've decided" because usually decisions requiring two people are decided together. But you've not spoken about your feelings. I don't know how you can make any decisions when you don't know if you'll be single or not.

I think planning the future and where you both see yourselves is vital before committing to marriage. You are either 2 individuals making decisions separately or you are a unit deciding together what is best for your family.

We have lived overseas with DD1 for almost 5 years, running our own business, but mutually decided to move back to the UK when I fell pregnant with DD2.
This was something we had previously discussed at length and both agreed on should it ever happen as we knew we'd need the support network we were lacking overseas.
No surprises, no 'I've decided', we're very much on the same page when it comes to big life decisions