To not have any memories

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

Is it normal to not really have memories? I have lots of clear memories up to age 7 or 8 and then after that very few. Even the last year seems a blur. I find it strange how I can remember things from a long time ago but nothing recently. Interested to hear other people's experience.

The reason I'm asking is because my daughter is growing up so quick, I want to remember these times. Only then did it occur to me I don't really keep memories.

This is a bit more about it: https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi

Yes that’s the best way. I was always told it’s your brain protecting you from those memories. It’s definitely not always a bad thing to not remember certain things

So helpful to hear about this thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to this!

This ^

Good psychotherapist helped me realise why

My memory is pretty shocking for things like books and films, it’s like I just dismiss the information as unimportant as soon as it is not needed. A bit like cramming for an exam but not committing it to long term memory.

My memory of my second child’s first years isn’t great but I put that down to being severely sleep deprived at times.

I am exactly the same as you OP I can barely remember anything of my children's childhoods (now early 20's) they were babies and toddlers just before really good camerasphones became the norm. I went through a very traumatic time when they were younger which lasted many years and to which I drowned my sorrows in too many wines. Sometimes I think it was the wine o'clock culture and merry go round which became my single parent lifestyle, that has numbed my memories, but I still can't remember much prior to that. I broadly put the memory thing down to excessive stress, but I'll never know, and I feel so sad about it.

I have vanishingly few memories I can bring to mind at will, and even those are patchy. Some others will come when prompted but it’s not great. For me it’s a combination of ADHD (wasn’t really ‘there’/focused enough to form memories) and the decade in my teens/20s where I was misdiagnosed with bipolar, medicated to the hilt and in and out of psych wards. Trauma/meds in a growing brain/poor working memory disorder = bad combo for memories.

I also struggle with not remembering much about my kids as they grow. I try and be really in the moment with them as much as possible to at least enjoy it while I’m there, and also take videos of them doing just normal things and talking, not just ‘occasions’. I can’t change it so I try to manage it.

I had a similar conversation with my dad tonight.

My only memories are of my dad and brothers. I asked him where the hell was my mum as I’d been wondering for a while.

I lived with them both my entire childhood but there’s nothing of her at all. She’s in my teen memories but only includes her shouting at me.

I had huge gaps in my memories of my childhood for many years. I now know that this was because I’d repressed memories of the CSA my DSis and I had suffered at the hands of my F and others. Our memories came back when we both had young DC. (I’d had images in my head of my abuse but I couldn’t understand them.)

I’ve since been diagnosed with CPTSD and have been through years of therapy to process the trauma that I went through.

Obviously, trauma isn’t the only explanation for memory loss.

Interesting that it is a widely shared experience. It's odd because I would remember if I had already read a book or watched a film as I was reading/watching it. I wouldn't remember from the cover though. The amount of times I have taken a book out of the library, read a page and realised I'd already read it!

It bothers me a lot because I can remember my very early childhood so clearly and then nothing at all.

I know our first memories are often strongest, for example they may be the first time we experience a deep emotion such as fear, or shame, or excitement.

I wonder if there are any brain exercises to help improve memory? Also thinking there may be some trauma response involved.

OP, I think there is huge variety in how people form and retain long term memories, and all kinds of things can affect that.

A sizable minority of people have few or no real memories before adolescence.

Things like stress or lack of sleep or hormones can affect memory formation.

Also - like a pp mentioned, some people are visual, and they visualize memories or imaginative scenarios, or when they read. Some people don't however, their thinking is much more language based, and I believe that affects memory as well.

That's really false. It might have been true for you, it is not true for all.

When you remember things, is it more like something you "hear" or is it like reading print, or is it like a kind of mental film?

I think psychotherapy would be worth a try.

I have very few memories of when my children were babies, but I put this down to massive sleep deprivation, and in particular little deep sleep. I believe you need to sleep to "lay down" experiences into memories. But unless you were a particularly insomniac 10 year old that doesn't sound the whole story here.

I am the same op. My memories between the ages of 10-15 are vague , which coincides with the worst years of having an alcoholic parent that was hospitalised due to their poor mental health often. I can remember music , some day trips and events , but can't order them properly. I find it upsetting to see photos of myself around this time too and don't always recognise myself.

I also can't remember most of my 20s clearly , I was in an abusive marriage. This is the worst as my first two kids were born then and their early years seem to have disappeared in my mind.

Going forward, keeping a diary can help you remember things better, because you almost experience things twice - once when they happen and a second time when you think about them and write about them in your diary before bed. You can also look back on your diaries in the future, which may help you recall things you'd otherwise forget about.