Going mad: best friend and her PFB

[Mummyof2too]

Name change for this…partly a lighthearted whinge and partly asking for advice

One of my best friend had her first DC at the same time as I had my second. I love her, her husband, and their DC to bits. But I’ve also realised she’s become a bit insufferable since having DC.

• She’s fully embraced “natural” living, no plastic allowed in their home. We were out at a park and she’d forgotten a snack, I had sliced berries in a plastic container and she said asked if the container had been through the dishwasher and she wouldn’t give them to her child because of the microplastic risk.
• DC just turned two and both parents are reasonably clever, so i won’t be surprised if DC is as well. But they says DC is toilet trained, except for when they’re not home, or for a poo, or overnight. So, not really toilet trained!
• Our oldest (5) just had Covid and I said he’d sat in the lounge for two days and watched films all day, she glared and asked if I had thought about reading instead to keep him entertained because screens are so horrible for children’s development. (For the record, we don’t actually have a telly and he only gets screen time when sick or out at the cinema).
• They say their 2 yo is reading and send videos of their PFB saying some of the words (“Peepo!”) but not exactly reading, obviously.
• she’s still breastfeeding and keeps asking me why I’ve stopped and how my 2 yo must miss it and be sad.

I love her to bits and she was not at all like this before baby, we’ve been friends for nearly 20 years and I’m really blindsided by how much she’s changed. I don’t think I was ever this precious with my first, so don’t have a good idea of whether this is something she’ll grow out of with time? Or am I being a mean friend and I should be more patient and understanding?

I would find this hard to tolerate! She sounds very competitive and “holier than thou”! YANBU.

She will grow out of it eventually. Give it a couple of years and there will be chicken nuggets and too much TV galore

She'll outgrow it eventually and realize how bonkers she was. The micro plastic dishwasher thing makes me wonder if she's ok mental health wise, that sounds like a lot of anxiety.

I couldn't stick that, especially not judging my parenting choices. Can't eat from a dishwasher FFS.

Unfortunately people change and it's not always for the best. I'd pull back for a while and see what happens.

With the microplastic thing she sounds mentally ill tbh. I’d be keeping my distance because she sounds very judgmental on top of that and life is too short to keep shit friends.

... "Bitty" ...

Grow up

Lol

Your friend has a 1970s baby 😃. Early toilet training (because no one liked washing Terry nappies) no snacks during the day (didn't occur to anyone) no videos back then and the three TV channels on shutdown for large swathes of the day, so very little screen time for anyone.

What’s a PFB?

I am not convinced people like this change, her DC is 2 now. I have a family member who was like this, probably much worse. If anyone was at her house in the evening they were only allowed to whisper and no cups of tea or food could be made, she is still the same and DS is 4 now. She is absolutely bonkers, anything PFB you can imagine and more she has come out with, even her DH is on the verge of leaving her due to her behaviour. Most family and friends limit their contact with her now. Latest thing is hee deferring school start as her hands aren't strong enough. She has no developmental issues, she is just spoilt.

Not sure what you can do other that remind her you have done this before and you eldest is developing perfectly well, and that you are happy with your parenting choices.

FWIW my DC were both toilet trained at 2 but that meant out of the house of course otherwise its not toilet training (it's easy to be toilet trained indoors as basically you just catch them when they are about to go). Night time is irrelevant, you cant toilet train them, its all about hormones. I had one who was dry day and night at 22 months, one daytime at 25 months but still have pull ups for a long while after at night.

Precious First Born.

Precious first born

I was quite a nightmare PFB crunchy mum to begin with - reusable nappies, extended BF, slings, no chocolate or TV. Anyway they're both upstairs playing Call of Duty and drinking diet coke. Just bide your time.

My brother was insufferable with our first borns who were 2 weeks apart
constantly putting me down over my Ella’s kitchen pouches and bags of “ kiddy crisps“ verses his wife’s homemade purées
their perfect child’s strict sleep schedule 7-7 verses my casual approach etc etc
he put his perfect child down to his parenting ….. then they had second normal child who woke normally and was bit fussy with food and they went strangely silent and stopped bragging and preaching !! 😂😂😂 she is absolutely a delightful kid now love her to bits for humbling the twat !

God she sounds insufferable. How dare she question why you stopped BFing. It’s nothing to do with anyone else.

I had to laugh at her having a 1970s baby though

And as for you me DC1 watching TV. I have a very clear memory of being ill at 5 and being tucked up on the sofa watching programmes for schools and I’ve turned out almost literate…

My kids all grew up with much screen time. They all loved videos and would watch on loop. They’re all very clever, and it had no ill effects on them at all.

I say this who has had a same same different scenario.

It’s been TWO years. It’s not a phase. Accept your new reality and cut your losses.

In my case the child is now 3 our friendship is officially unsalvageable and dead.
my friend has fundamentally changed as a person and is no longer my ride or die pal for life but at best a mildly annoying mum friend who sacrifices herself daily on the altar of motherhood.

Does she work?

I have encountered quite a few women who exchanged professional careers for SAH motherhood and ended up treating it like a job. So they get their validation from their childs achievements and dont see that having a happy healthy child is the goal, not them "winning" at parenting.

Your friend sounds insufferable, but stick with it. There's time for her to change. Or you could decide that you're going to do you, and she can do what she wants. One of my best friends has a kid a couple of years younger than mine (both only children) and she's a bit obsessive with her, especially around food (my son is perfectly healthy but I don't fuss over his food, if he wants a biscuit he can have one, etc). I just ignore it and make it clear that I do things differently and I'm fairly confident in my parenting decisions.

There's never anything to be gained by criticising other people's parenting choices, so I'd let it slide a bit and maybe she will chill out in time. Presumably she does have some redeeming features as a friend, so try to focus on those and maybe in time she will chill out a bit.

Can’t you laugh at her? That’s what I would do. That and tell her to piss off.

I knew loads of natural parenting types, but id have not lasted long if they expected everyone to do things the same.
Your friend sounds really rude and annoying

😆

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