To go no contact

[Upbiffa]

I had a very dysfunctional childhood, neglected by parents who were emotionally and physically abusive.

Thought I'd forgiven/forgotten and was proud to have zero resentment and be the 'bigger person' and maintain relationships.

But suddenly, very suddenly, I'm not okay. Memories are flooding back.

I don't think they deserve to know me. Why should bad parents benefit from good grown-up adult kids?

It's as though only now I'm much older I realise the extent of their awful behaviour.

Aibu to just go no contact?

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.

It would be a good idea to get some therapy while you process your childhood and work on your boundaries.

Even if you come from a difficult background it's very hard to just cut off your whole family. It might be easier to approach it in stages.

It’s difficult to comment without knowing more specifics. To what extent were they physically and emotionally abusive? I mean, my parents used to hit me/smack me/threw me across the room once. My mom used to tell me I was stupid regularly. It hurts but I decided not to go no contact with her for various reasons.

I agree working this through in therapy would be wise before making such a huge decision. Can you take some time away from them without announcing it to reflect?

Also sorry you are going through this. Family are the hardest to deal with as triggers. As PP suggests, some therapy would help. Have a look at Stutz on Netflix. We can all get lost in a maze, rabbit hole of the victim mentality (not saying you weren’t) but this mentality holds us back from feeling happy and at peace. I find keeping a distance a making sure you are able to set boundaries helps. Low contact. Show up differently and get used to saying no to your parents if needed. Also understanding that they have issues which is why they behaved this way to you helps. It’s really hard to forgive but if you realise it’s their own trauma that caused them to behave like this and that holding the grudge holds you back then you can start to be free of it. Low contact could be a start. My father gambled away $$$ and got me to bail them out since the age of 15. I pay their mortgage now. Recently been asked to also pay daily living expenses. He has a disease. This helps me get out of the internal rant and wanting to go no contact. You then have to bear the heaviness of cutting them out. It’s a spiral that you need to work to avoid being pulled down into (all caused by them first). Keep yourself light and out of the maze, rabbit hole. I’m sure they realise what they did is wrong. If you can give up the need to be right and have justice you will feel more light and happy in the end. That’s the main aim I would say.