MIL asking dd who she loves more?

[ezi91]

So there is a lot of back history as to why I wouldn't allow my MIL to have alone time with dd until roughly a year ago.

Anyways dd has started a club that MIL teaches at. So on a Saturday she drives dd home with her and we meet up at Mil home.

My daughter (6) tells me today, Nana asked me who do I love more? Grandma (my mum) or her? I told her that I love you both the same you both are wonderful, she then asked me but if there was a balancing scale which one goes up :/ nana or grandma.
My daughter then repeated "both the same"
My 6 year old said to me after "I found it strange and just said this mummy"

I'm really fucked off tbh. I know she was insecure but what the hell! Am I over reacting?

That is awful behaviour from MIL. I would speak to her about this. Or ask your husband to sort his mother out.

This is really bad actually. How dare she play on your 6 year olds emotions like that. I'd have to bring it up or have your husband do it, either way it's not acceptable and she needs to know that. I'm guessing she'll deny or cry about it but that's her issue.

Just tell the 6yo it's fine to say she loves Grandma more. 😉

You need to get DH on side and tell his Mum this is not on, it’s unhealthy and manipulative. Make sure he understands that this is bad, and that you hear him say it to her.

And equip your Dd with a range of things to say. “Love isn’t like that “ “I don’t like that question “ “it’s not kind to have favourites”

I would also coach your Dd in not keeping secrets too, because MIL’s next trick will be ‘don’t tell mummy , it’s granny’s secret’ . And tell Dd (who sounds very bright and emotionally articulate) that there is no such thing as a secret from Mummy.

But as this woman is so untrustworthy I would just pick Dd up from the activity.

Hugely manipulative and confusing for a child.
I would not want her alone with my child.

YANBU it's manipulative behaviour, of course you are not overreacting. Best to go back to not allowing mil to have alone time with dd.

This is awful, your six year old could even tell this was inappropriate! Time for no unsupervised contact with grandma.

Either collect her directly from the club or if you go nuclear remove her entirely. I dont know whether I'd trust her not to seize any opportunity while at the club etc. Especially if this is part of a pattern of behaviour.

Your MIL is a manipulative arsehole. She has only recently been allowed to be on her own with your DD and she pulls this sort of stunt. You need to tell her to stop or she won't be able to see your DD any more.

She tried teaching dd to call her mama and it failed as I wouldn't allow it, she taught her daughters children to call her that and thought it would carry on with mine but I had inkling that this was just a control thing.
Everyone told me I was overreacting but I know it was just a warning of what was to come!

It's disgusting. I bet you have lots more maddening and strange stories about her. Can't stand these type of toxic grandmother's. Others unfortunately play it down , oh she just loves her grandchildren etc. When you feel they are being toxic , they are. Don't think you are over reacting, you are not!!!! I have many stories about the way mine was with my child, myself and others could see how she had a very unhealthy attachment my to my child but on her side of family especially her mummys boy son and father of my child could not see it from his precious mummy. Don't speak to either of them now, marriage is over!!!