Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell him we can't be friends?

10 replies

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 13:14

I split from my husband 3 months ago. We didn't live together as we tried at the start but my son who has Aspergers wasn't happy and that made me unhappy. He's a good kid but is very private and has some quirky ways which I don't mind. He's 20. After many rows between me and my husband he moved out and got a flat but we agreed to continue the relationship. Basically, I got fed up with his underlying resentment of my relationship with my son and me being there for my son. He called my son a cunt to me on drink a few times over the 5 years so there were fallouts as you could imagine. He drinks too much. After the last snarly text message I got one night from him about something petty I ended the marriage. Now he is messaging and saying can we not be friends and can I see our dog. The dog is fine. She lives with him anyway and is very well looked after. I have a dog of my own who takes up a lot of my time but I adore her. I've avoided seeing the dog as I don't want to get into face to face chats with him. That's the only reason. He says he's lost his best friend etc. I'd prefer a clean break. Am I being too soft replying to his messages lately? I'm not going back to him as I'm doing fine. I just worry he will suck me in again if I converse over the dog etc. Do I just tell him it is what it is and to get on with his life? I'm supposed to be meeting someone in a couple of weeks for a drink. Nothing more than that as it won't come to anything. He lives too far away. If my husband knew he would go ballistic but I think it's my life now and I can do as I like. Do I make a clean break and go no contact?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 23/03/2025 13:22

Either just block him on everything. Or send one final firm message stating you don't think it's for the best to remain friends and therefore will be cutting contact. Then block. All roads lead to block basically.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 23/03/2025 13:54

Your son is an adult not a child. Why hasn't your son moved out and let you live your life? When he gets a wife if you don't like her will he leave her?

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 13:57

You obviously don’t under Asperger or Autism. I suggest you educate yourself about it. It’s a disability. My son is not capable of moving out yet and why should he? It’s his home!

OP posts:
Plmii · 23/03/2025 13:59

Clean break completely OP.
Its over.
Move on.

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 14:05

PS Would you stay with someone who called your son that on alcohol? If it was a friend I’d never speak to them again. He said it meant nothing but words can cut deep.

OP posts:
BarryAsthma · 23/03/2025 14:09

How did you get to the point where you were married but only afterwards realise you couldn’t live together?

Fuuuuuckit · 23/03/2025 14:20

Best friends don't call their friend's sons cunts op. Even in drink.

Block and divorce. There's absolutely no reason to stay in contact with him.

DLMum16 · 23/03/2025 14:21

We got married. He moved in. It didn’t work. End of. Shouldn’t have got married but there you go.

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 23/03/2025 14:46

Block him and move on. You need a clean break.

Snorlaxo · 23/03/2025 14:50

He’s not a friend. He will end up being abusive over and over unless you go NC. Enjoy the rest of your life without this nasty manchild.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page