How do I beat my phone addiction

[MyLoyalBird]

I will log onto he internet and start having discussions with people about nothing, just to get some attention, waste time and I guess use my mind.

I've constantly have a YouTube playing or looking for an argument on the internet. (Like last night).

Driving is the same - constantly wanting to check for messages. I can't disconnect but I do put my phone in the boot now.

Any ideas?

I don't have any support with my child so can't get out. Friends I've drifted away from as they just complain.

Also a take away addiction

What about podcasts on things which interest you? You could fill your time better with hobbies, sport or classes. It sounds like you have lots of free time which isn't filled positively. Argument and debate can drain you.

Read how to break up with your phone.

I don't leave the house during the week. I WFH and than toddler is collected from nursery and has to sleep at 7-8 etc. I don't have help and can't leave him with anyone

I have been listening to people on YouTube but unfortunately it's negative stuff.

I need better information/podcasts. Any that you suggest? Or where would I find them?

Have you looked into getting a dumb phone? You won’t be able to access anything but calls and texts.

Lock box from Amazon

I understand OP. The best thing for me is to have a physical distance. Phone is in another room and out of sight. I also sleep with it in a different room and have a landline for emergencies.

Its too easy to get stuck in a rut and its a PITA to break out of this so you have to be a bit ruthless with yourself.

Use the 15 minute rule - wait 15 minutes before looking at your phone. Don't use it mindlessly, set a goal such as looking up a recipe, then put it down.
Fill your time with more useful or productive activities. What needs doing around your house? Do you have a garden?
Look outside the home, are there any local places you can take your child?
Timetable your day to include meal planning, budgeting, shopping and food prep.
If you have a freezer get it sorted, defrost it, buy freezer bags and learn to batch cook.
Join Audible, or listen to the radio while you cook and clean.

The sun is shining, it is spring. There is nothing to stop you putting dc in the buggy, going for a walk along the local canal, feeding the ducks, planting some summer pots to put outside your front door.

Get out in the fresh air and sunshine (where it is hard to read your phone), and find something you prefer doing. Go to a cafe, chat to the staff, treat you and your child to some fresh air. Walk off some of those takeaways. It will help you feel more positive.

Rather than putting a negative focus on phone use maybe try to shift that focus from ‘using my phone less’ to ‘doing more of something else’ . Use the phone as part of the process . Set an alarm for ten mins. Put the phone in a pocket or on the side, sit the other side of the room with a coffee or something. Progress to going out for a 15 min walk without your phone. Do it that way rather than a way that will cause you to feel guilt at failing .

It's been raining for three days solid where I am. Actually went away and don't have a coat or jacket

Everyone is giving good suggestions thank you

Have you ever looked into whether you might have ADHD? Knowing about this can help as you can look into strategies, although there are long waiting lists to be diagnosed on the NHS. I have ADHD and aside from medication, which you can only get when diagnosed, I find that I do tend to need to either combine activities or find something which will "scratch the itch" - for example I rarely watch TV on its own, I usually do it while mending clothes or eating dinner. Podcasts I stick on to listen while I'm cleaning to keep me motivated and on task. And I absolutely NEED some kind of structure or external accountability otherwise nothing will happen.

Like others say I find I have to fill up my time with other things and then going online is less appealing. Certainly arguing online is draining and I have stopped engaging with that at all - block all the pages/groups you tend to argue with. I hid AIBU on here for a while because I found it too easy to get sucked into threads.

One other thing I did for a while was use an app to measure how long I was spending on certain sites/apps - you can get some which sync between browser extension and phone, if you use both a computer and a phone. This can be quite shocking and can be motivating to cut it down or just remind you when you've hit a certain limit. I bought a visual timer recently for my child and it's shocking how much it actually helps because I'll think "I'll just sit down for 20 mins" start the timer and I don't realise how quickly that 20 mins goes past and I will keep resetting it so the time spreads from a 20 minute break to over an hour, often. Whereas if I was at work and I knew my allowed break was 30 minutes for example, I'd keep a much closer eye on that time and not go over it.

You are probably seeking company and human engagement, so look for ways to get that in real life. Lots of people also have children, so it's not impossible to socialise when you have children.

Are you a single mum? You don't mention a partner or co-parent.

You say you WFH - are you getting into all this stuff while you're supposed to be working? Maybe it would help to look into roles where you're physically out of the house because at least for me, it's much less tempting then. I know I don't have the self-discipline to WFH personally plus I really value the face to face interactions and relationships which happen with others at a physical workplace.

Can you say more about your friends who "just complain" - what's that about?

Apart from being on your phone, what other ADHD symptoms did you have?

Reading physical books (instead of ebooks) is a great one. It provides your brain with entertainment away from a screen. I find when I am going through a reading phase, my phone seems so dull and I always think why did I stop.

I now make an effort to read at least for an hour every night, but it ends up being a fair amount more.

People say they don't have the time to read, but their phone screen time will show 3 hours of mindless scrolling.

Oh god the mindless scrolling is awful

Disorganised, constantly losing things, messy, always late, always rushing around doing everything at the last minute, extreme procrastination, forgetfulness. Weird sleep patterns like I would want to stay up all night and sleep in all day. If I just left myself to follow my own sleep schedule I would slowly become nocturnal.

Always felt sort of "off" in social situations and like I hovered on the outside of groups, like I didn't fit in. People said I talked too much - was always told off at school for chatting or daydreaming.

Had a million unfinished projects and ideas that I'd hold onto for years thinking I would finish them one day (rarely ever did), so many ideas but hadn't thought them through. In fact difficulty thinking things through and planning ahead in general.

Massively struggled with any kind of habit formation, couldn't stick to anything I'd decided to do. Dozens of self-help books which I'd read enthusiastically, become almost an expert on the method and then never actually finish or do it for myself.

Emotional dysregulation which I didn't really recognise at the time but I was very quick to get annoyed with things for example. And any time something went slightly wrong it would send me into a spiral of "I'm useless!"

For any of these issues, I would have tried "everything" and if someone came up with a suggestion to try and solve it, I'd instantly have 3-4 reasons why it wouldn't work (this was not me being defeatist - it was because I had literally tried all of the usual suggestions and they didn't work for me). This made people annoyed and feel like I didn't want them to help me. I did, but most of the time nobody could because I needed some niche solution which is often at odds with the things which are more usually suggested.