Was I wrong to think I could have more?

[Hopefulstill]

NC for this.

I've had a difficult 10 years, left an abusive relationship and had significant issues with DD 10. I've worked so hard to get her into a better place, she has done so amazing and I am so proud of her.

I have been wholly single for 5 years since splitting up with her Father for the final time. My life became quite isolated and small, I don't really have family that help my out. He has continued to be abusive and whilst I have grey rocked for years, he now takes this out on DD. I have tried to limit his contact, addressing anything with him is completely pointless.

I have recently started a relationship with trusted friend, we have taken things extremely slowly and DD completely unaware. Her Father, however, has got wind of something and his bad behaviour has ramped up and he seems quite frankly paranoid. Things have come to a head this weekend, he behaved terribly and scared DD. Their relationship was already breaking down and now she said she is done. I've told him to contact me via email, he is now blocked and has been advised DD no longer wants to see him. I expect this is going to escalate, just can't predict how yet. I've done a Clare's law disclosure and the police contacted me the same day saying they need to visit me which is deeply concerning.

Obviously any potential relationship is done, it was early days and now DD will be with me all the time. That's fine, DD will always come first.

Was nice to feel normal for a couple of months though, even hopeful. Will it ever happen again?

Sorry, is the Clare's Law disclosure on your ex or new boyfriend?

It's on the ex, I thought I would arm myself with as much information in case it escalates or he tries to get contact to DD through the courts.

So is this a different one to one you got before when you first met?

No, my ex is the Father of DD, I've been completely single for 5 years since splitting up with DDs Father and have recently started seeing someone who I have no concerns about.

of course it wasn’t unreasonable to be looking for a new partner after 5 years of being single. Sorry to hear it’s been derailed already. Poor you, and poor DD. It’s shit for her and what a good mum you are that you are putting her first. I feel really sad for you though.

Well done for getting to where you are. It shows courage to leave and set yourself up right.

I think you need to lean into the Police advice. Is it today they’re going to contact you?

Do you have security cameras? If not, this would be my next job. Plus, if you feel it’s safe, having a word with next door neighbours - doesn’t need to be anything too detailed, just enough so they can keep an eye out if you need it.

Have you also done a Clare’s Law on your current partner? I’m sure he’s lovely but just as a double check given unfortunately lots of victims of DA can fall into the trap of being vulnerable and suffering in future relationships

How do you think ex got wind of the relationship? I’ve probably read too many threads on here but wondered if he is somehow covertly monitoring your messages/emails/socials?

Thank you for your responses.

Things have been so hard over the years that I wouldn't have even contemplated starting a relationship, I didn't have the energy.

Things were calmer and it took me by surprise, resigned myself to permanent singledom. It's so early days that I am happy to walk away from it at this point. It won't be possible to carry on with things now.

Ex has been paranoid about me dating for years and accusing me of all sorts. He just got lucky shot this time as he was right. He actually doesn't know anything about us but doesn't stop him painting a picture in his mind and losing the plot over it.

My thoughts exactly, I've already ordered an outdoor camera. I'm not expecting anything to happen immediately, usually wallows in self pity for a couple of weeks before it ramps up. I've given the police my availability for when DD is not with me.

Your right about vulnerability and future relationships, I was happy enough never having one again, this one took me by surprise, in a good way. Feels like a shame, but I'm not too invested at this point, find it hard to get my hopes up.

Him still being abusive after 5 years and the police coming out same day suggests he is very dangerous. Have you reported his abuse towards you? If not do it now, even historical abuse can be reported. Get it all reported, work with victims support and get safety plans in place for both you and DD ASAP.
In terms of relationships, you absolutely will be able to have relationships in the future, but for this to be safe your ex needs to be dealt with by the police. Keep all evidence that may come up, recordings from the door cam, communication with you and/or DD, any communication with other professionals.

Thank you @JLou08 , that is great advice.