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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Told my housemate she can't have my old clothes

20 replies

SalmonFridays · 23/03/2025 10:36

I'll try and write this so it makes sense!

I can fit into UK sizes 8 and 10 and my housemate can fit into UK sizes 14 and 16 so there is a difference in clothing size between the two of us.

My housemate hoards clothing. This doesn't impact my space so I'm OK with it up to a point, but sometimes the house can become quite messy when she buys more and uses the communal areas to place her clothing for the time being before she takes them upstairs. She struggles with her weight. She'll happily make comments about other people and their weight, but as soon as someone says something about hers she can become defensive/upset and has said before "Making comments isn't helping me" and "They know I'm not in the right mental state to lose weight". She has tried different diets, but it only lasts for about a couple of days or a week before she gives up.

She has asked myself and her mum with helping her throw things out on different occasions, but barely anything gets thrown away and even then, she'll buy even more stuff. She also has a bit of spending money problem which my housemate admits to. My housemate has said there is no reason why she keeps hoarding clothing. We tried different methods like if it's too small or if you don't wear it within a certain time frame then donate it, but that doesn't work. Some clothing are far too small and some even have the labels on.

I was getting rid of some clothing that I no longer wanted and put them into two piles; one for donating and one for the bin and left them near the front door with labels so I knew which one goes where.

My housemate and her mum came back and almost immediately my housemate asks what I'm doing with the bags and I explained what they were and where they are going. She happily says she'll take them and I tried explaining the plans for them and that she already has plenty of clothing. She was adamant that this will motivate her into losing weight. Her mum then says "She's (me) right. You have more than enough clothing that you need to go through. You don't need anything else".

It became almost a shouting match with my housemate and her mum with my housemate saying "You lot are always making me feel bad about my weight. I know I need to lose weight. I don't need to be being reminded all the time" and her mum saying that she didn't say anything about her daughter's weight before my housemate stormed to her bedroom.

I apologized to her mum as I felt I caused this and she said it was fine and I didn't do anything wrong it's just her daughter making the situation worse for no reason and as far as she knows no one in the family has said anything about her weight so she didn't know who she was referring to. Also aparently they had a good time out so she wasn't too sure what caused that reaction from her.

So far my housemate hasn't come downstairs and hasn't said anything to me. Did I do something wrong?

OP posts:
Staceysmum2025 · 23/03/2025 10:38

Get those clothes out of the house to the charity shop now and then there’s nothing further to be discussed. Storm in a teacup.

WinterFoxes · 23/03/2025 10:41

Just dispose of the clothes and don't pander to her.

Neither of you mentioned or criticised her weight. She did.

As to hoarding - That's another issue. If it gets worse, I'd find someone else to share with. It can take over.

DenholmElliot11 · 23/03/2025 10:44

Yes \I'd just get rid of the clothes ASAP. They are taunting her being there 😀

Createausername1970 · 23/03/2025 10:45

The only thing you might do differently in future, is keep the clothes out of her sight until you are ready to take them.

However, doing what you did and said was perfectly reasonable in any other household.

She obviously has some mental health issues, the hoarding is a sign of that, if it's overtaking her space and the communal areas.

I think I might start to look around for somewhere else to live as you probably can't help her and it's likely to get more problematic.

HermioneWeasley · 23/03/2025 10:49

does she have any redeeming qualities that make her fun to live with?

Overtheatlantic · 23/03/2025 10:50

It sounds like your housemate is ashamed of her weight and her tendency to hoard and is lashing out. I’d find somewhere else to live.

Thelnebriati · 23/03/2025 10:52

It does sound like she may have developed a hoarding issue, the problem is that needs expert intervention to treat it successfully, and she doesn't sound like she's in the right head space.

IlooklikeNigella · 23/03/2025 10:54

Ignore what just happened, it doesn't make sense to you because you aren't a boarder. If she gets worse (she likely will) then make plans to leave. She needs professional help.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 23/03/2025 10:56

She really has issues. Dont make her aware of getting rid of clothes in the future. And tbh this is going to get worse rather than better so I'd make plans to move out.

Comedycook · 23/03/2025 10:59

If you're going to bin them or donate them, does it even make a difference to you? Unless her clothes are encroaching on your space which is a separate issue.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 23/03/2025 11:01

If you’re 14-16 you’re not going to slim into 8-10 anytime soon. She’s delusional.

Cctviswatchingme001 · 23/03/2025 11:05

My MIL does this. 4 ft 11 and 16 stone. Comments on everybody else's appearance. She bought a designer coat four years ago that cost €650. It's a size 14, she's a size 22. Said it will motivate her to lose weight. She has only got heavier and to be honest at 73 with poor mobility there's not a hope of her ever wearing it.

She also had a jumpsuit from my DH communion when she was a lot slimmer, he is 45 now. She gave it to me but I couldn't wear it as the legs were too short. She hounded me until I gave it back so she could wear it again, like wtf?? Her wardrobe is full of clothes that that don't fit, from years ago or that she has never worn. She is a very materialistic person though and likes to have "stuff ".

billybear · 23/03/2025 11:05

your clothes your choice where they go end of.

Carseathelp · 23/03/2025 11:06

You both need to stop leaving clothes in the hallway.

We’ve had similar issues with PIL who we don’t live with. In the past when DH has mentioned to PIL that he is going to drop some stuff off at the charity shop they’ve said they can take them as they’re going too. Only they’ve keep the stuff and return it years later. Anything we’re getting rid of they’ve want as it maybe of some use so we just don’t don’t tell tell them know we’re getting rid of stuff.

Hdjdb42 · 23/03/2025 11:16

Get rid of them. Tell her there's unfortunate people out there with nothing. She has plenty of clothes

SalmonFridays · 23/03/2025 12:18

I didn't think to mention, but I left the bags there so I could go toilet and get myself ready to go out so they were probably there for about 15 minutes before she turned up with her mum.

OP posts:
HellDorado · 23/03/2025 12:20

Her weight, and the amount of clothes she already has, are red herrings. The fact is, you’d earmarked those clothes for charity, so that’s where they should go. None of her business.

thankyounextplease · 23/03/2025 12:44

I would have said, "sure, no problem - it's £50 (or whatever) so I can donate the money to the charity and they don't miss out"

Bet they wouldn't have paid. And probably would have pretended to donate it themselves and then not.

Whitelight25 · 23/03/2025 13:39

You did something right. Your friend has quite enough unworn clothes cluttering her space. Time enough to get more when she's lost weight, if that happens.
Just stick to your guns. Your old clothes, your decision to take them to the charity shop or whatever. It's nothing to do with her or her weight.

Chuchoter · 23/03/2025 13:41

Can you get a new housemate?

I couldn't be doing sharing a living space with someone so dreadful.

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