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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

busy body neighbour

35 replies

dmo · 13/05/2008 20:33

my neighbour is an old lady she lives 4 doors away from us
i am a childminder

aparent came in tonight to pick their child up and told me that my neighbour is talking to everybody about the noise from my garden (children running, bouncing balls, laughing etc) and said its outrages the noise of the children running up and down the decking etc.
she also asked the parent how much i charged and said i was a daylight robber and things will be put in place to stop me

feel cross and dh is in america working so fuming on my own

OP posts:
avenanap · 13/05/2008 20:34

God, poor you! She sounds like a right cow. Kids are kids. They make noise.

mustsleep · 13/05/2008 20:35

yanbu what a bitch

has she actuly said anything to your face or just behind your back?

PosieParker · 13/05/2008 20:36

She's old and obviously needs something to moan about, you could try the overly nice approach which will mean she has to be nice back...
When do people think children should play, perhaps you should record them and play it at night

Original poster
dmo · 13/05/2008 20:43

i wouldnt mind but by 6pm all is quite

dont like taking to her (she has a hole in the throat that she covers to talk) as she always has something to moan about.
she came round last week to ask if it was recycling day the following day.
she lives with her son so cant be that lonely and she goes to church across the road

OP posts:
Original poster
dmo · 13/05/2008 20:45

love the recording idea
might strap the player to her cat

OP posts:
My2Weegirls · 13/05/2008 20:48

well i've got 2 kids at a childminders and i'm delighted that they are outside having fun and making noise! that's what they should be doing.

ignore her!

nametaken · 13/05/2008 20:50

take no notice.

She's had her childhood playing happily in traffic free streets and she's got the nerve to complain about your kids playing in their own garden. Purleeeese.

Original poster
dmo · 13/05/2008 20:53

what would you do about her talking to the parents?

OP posts:
nametaken · 13/05/2008 20:56

Theres nothing you can do - it's a free country and she can say what she wants to who she wants.

The parents will judge you on your own actions and merits and if your a good decent friendly polite childminder they'll soon learn to ignore the crazy old woman up the road.

Ultimately, we all make up our own minds about people. Tell the parents she's got alzeimers he he.

My2Weegirls · 13/05/2008 20:56

i wouldn't do anything with her. maybe say to the parents that you've heard (via another parent) that a neighbour is complaining about the noise the children are making. but you are not going to change them playing outside if that's what they want to do.

and if they've got any concerns then to speak to you.

you could always give your neighbour the ofsted or care commission (depending where you are) phone number if she wants to make a complaint....

Original poster
dmo · 13/05/2008 21:08

thanks

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 13/05/2008 21:54

The parent who passed on crazy old dear's comments is a bit of a stirrer and I would take the information with a large pinch of salt.

If she hasn't said anything to you personally, why should you worry? The helpful parent who repeated this private conversation probably just wanted you to hear the "daylight robbery" bit.

The fact that she lives with her son and goes to church doesn't mean she doesn't need friendship with her neighbours. Perhaps she's just a bit cross that you don't talk to her. Old people can be difficult, but I feel sorry for them. Who'd be old? On the other hand, the alternative's probably worse.

lins1uk · 13/05/2008 22:11

i hate people like that sticking there nose in other people buisness,i would tell her to get a life kids are kids and they do make noise would she rather they be in house all day ?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/05/2008 15:15

Wow, I do hope you're all raising your offspring to be as caring and empathic as yourselves!

We do not know how many children, of what ages, are playing outdoors, nor for how many hours a day. We do not know if there is any kind of baffling (eg full wooden fences, high shrubbery or hedges) between the four gardens. We do not know if the childrens'laughter is caused by musical games featuring loud rap music (or even nursery rhymes).

We do not know how many of the children spend a portion of the day in floods of tears or having a tantrum, or what that portion may be.

We can assume that the OP is running a business in a residential area.

Is this crazy old bitch not entitled to enjoy a little peace and quiet in her own garden while the sun shines?

Poohbah · 14/05/2008 15:29

She may have sensitivity to noise,constant headaches, wear a hearing aid which picks up the childrens noise instead of countdown and just feel really tired in the afternoon and want a sleep. I think you should show some neighbourly charm and pop around and discuss the issue with her like a grown up.

AbbeyA · 14/05/2008 15:37

I actually like the sound of children playing but not everyone does. I think a lot of people are being unkind about an old lady that they don't know. I agree with Poohbah, go round and talk to her or invite her round for a cup of tea.A little charm goes a long way.

nametaken · 14/05/2008 15:50

"Is this crazy old bitch not entitled to enjoy a little peace and quiet in her own garden while the sun shines?"

No, she's not. If you buy a house in a family area you have to expect to have family noise around you.

If she's wants peace and quite in her garden she needs to buy a detached house with fields around her.

We'd all like not to have to hear other peoples children, lawn mowers, traffic, music etc etc. Tough, we have to live with it.

mustsleep · 14/05/2008 16:01

nowshe would be well in her rights to complain if he was like my neighbours son last year and was playing extremeley loudly on her stereo songs with the chorus "suck my mother f dick" and similar things i had ds playing in the garden (he was 3) his mother came out looked at me disaporvingly and said "should he be listening to that shouldn;t he be inside" err no it's one on a sunday

berrieb · 14/05/2008 16:23

If it were just family noise, I'd say she was being a bit grumpy, but why should she have noise all day as the result of the neighbour running a business!!

Lovesdogsandcats · 14/05/2008 16:23

I would go round and ask her very nicely if she has a problem with you? Tell her what you have been told and ask her to explain herself. Nasty old people were nasty young people too and age is no excuse (unless they have dementia in which case that is different as it is a medical condition)

potoftea · 14/05/2008 16:44

I think the mentioning of decking in the op is important. Decking isn't great for peace and quiet, in fact just footsteps sound really loud on this.
We don't know how many children are cared for in the house, and I know of instances where neighbours strongly objected to people opening nurserys in residential areas because of the inproportionate level of noise for just an ordinary family home.

cory · 14/05/2008 17:27

But we do have some idea of how many children are cared for in the house. The OP is a childminder, which means that the number of children she is allowed to take is strictly limited, no more than a reasonably sized natural family.

The fact that she gets paid makes no difference to the amount of noise made.

All this talk of running a business and comparing it to nurseries seems to ignore the fact that CMs are not allowed to run residential homes: numbers are very carefully regulated.

Naturally, some of the children will spend some of the day in tears or having tantrums- but how is that different from ordinary families? My children also cried and had tantrums when they were little; should we not have been allowed to live near old ladies?

Original poster
dmo · 14/05/2008 18:03

i have you know we have no tears in my house
no really they are very good.

i go out each day to toddler groups parks etc with my 2 little ones then they sleep in the afternoon and go home at 3ish, i then pick up after school children (about 6 of them inc mine) 4 leave by 4.10pm then its my 2 and another child but most likely if they are not out they are on the p.c so dont know why is is moaning.

OP posts:
Fizzylemonade · 14/05/2008 19:22

Can I just point out that a registered childminder is limited as to the number of children UNDER the age of 8 and he/she can do an after school session with numerous kids over the age of 8.

My gran lives next to a childminder who has an assistant so has 6 children in the day and another 8 children in the morning and at night, so the amount of noise that is generated from the garden is substantial.

Obviously dmo has a lot, lot, less but as far as I know "domestic noise" from talking/laughing/shouting/ is not something enviromental health can do anything about, however I am not sure about "business" noise as essentially this is noise from a business.

Fizzylemonade · 14/05/2008 19:25

Oh just to say I don't think that the noise from dmo's garden is anything more than a big family would create!

I live next door to a family of 4 kids, and on the other side 2, so we all make noise together!

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