To get a loan from ex-partner?

[Watercolourfanatic]

Dear everyone,
I separated recently from my ex-partner because of abuse. We jointly own our house and were not married. I cannot buy him out on my current salary but I worked out that (if he agrees), if his equity stays in the house, I can afford the mortgage, therefore, I would do a transfer of deeds and mortgage (lender would also be ok), and draft a legally binding agreement (helped by a solicitor) with my ex stating that I owe him the current equity value he would have received from the sale of the house (about £90k) and that this would be paid when I sell the house/earlier if I manage to be in a better financial position and release equity from the house.
Reason why I think my ex would agree is because his family is really wealthy (he has just been gifted £100k by his family) so he is not desperate for the equity money from the house.
My question is, is this a good idea to have a loan like this with an ex-partner?
My reasoning is that it is not worth than a loan with a bank and actually better as it would be interest-free. But as ex is/was abusive, is there potential for this to go wrong down the line?
If anyone has done something similar what was your experience? I cannot find anything about it on-line.
Thank you in advance for your time and any input and thoughts you’d be willing to share ❤️

There is not one thing I can think to make this ok

@BlondiePortz Why is that? If the agreement is drafted by a solicitor?

Why would he agree? Whether needs the money or not it makes no sense from his point of view when he could be getting a return on it.

It’s illegal to abuse people and yet he did it anyway. A bit of paper won’t protect you against someone who is abusive.

Do not do this.

No way. You need a clean break.

Why would he agree interest free??

@ForLovingAquaSheep Indeed he may not. Only reason he may is because we have a child, his family is very wealthy and he is not in need of that money.

@BlondiePortz True

@LollyLand The reason for me to consider that crazy set up is because I have been in my current house for 10y and have done it up (myself) for all those years and as stupid as it sounds I have such an emotional attachement to it and I am finding it hard to move somewhere else.

To add extra background, I have no family in the UK as I am not British so I feel this house is my safe harbour in the country (plus my child first and only house).

He is abusive but you are expecting him to be reasonable and kind on this matter ?
I think it will end badly.

@DrummingMousWife Probably more wishful thinking on my part there

I’m not sure why he would agree to this tbh. So you’d like to keep £90k of his money indefinitely but he signs the house over? More sensibly for him would be for you to pay mortgage and he gets half when sold or you sell now and a clean break. I’d honestly be concerned that if he agreed he’d use it as a way to manipulate you, what would you do in a year if he demanded payment?

You want to borrow £90K from someone who was so abusive to you that you ended the relationship? Er no.

You will never be free of him, he will have a hold over you, will find ways to make your life difficult, will likely use this to pay no CMS, he has no desire to help you or make your life easier....

Cut the ties. Find a new house and become emotionally attached to that instead as a start to your new life without his abuse. Also, please consider counselling to help understand why this is not a good idea and to make sure you do not end up in another abusive relationship.

Sorry I didn’t realise you had a child. Possibly he’d agree but in lieu ( or part payment) of maintenance payments? How much would maintenance be and compare it to 5-6% interest on 90k?

Gave you looked into a Mesher order so you and your child stay in the house until they are 18 and then the house is sold? Would that help you? You’ll have time to prepare for when the house needs to be sold.

With an abusive person, the one thing you can be sure of is that they will only ever want to make your life harder, not easier. You can ask, but he will never agree. And if he does, it will be to drag things out and increase your solicitor costs, only to say no at the last minute. Or he'll insist on a clause where he can require payment in full at any point. He'll then wait until you are either really low, or until life is going really well for you, and then he'll demand repayment.

Do not do this.

@Undethetree Yes. I am on the waiting list for councelling because of this and I am taking at least 1yr break from relationship to heal and work on this.

@Lovelysummerdays Potentially an idea to give me time to look for houses and move. As I said, no family to go to between houses so I need to sell to get something else (and to help with the move).

I was looking a a house yesterday and I think I am just overwhelm at what needs to be done to move + emotions

He is a high earner as well so not sure interest instead of CMS or part etc would work in my favour in the long run

@Eze Does not apply to unmarried couple unfortunately

@ChristmasFluff You confirm my intuition, sometimes it is good to hear it from others as well.
I would have built a clause that says he can’t demand payment in full without the sale, but yes he would hold this over my head as him being this ‘incredibly generous person’ therefore probably asking more of me down the line (or using it to refuse to pay CMS, which he has already say he won’t pay)

He is not coming across as someone who wants the best for his child.

If he has loaned you money for the house then he will think he still has rights to it. (No matter how legally you draw up the agreement - as someone above said - it is illegal for him to abuse you but he still did it.)

He would be mad to agree to this, currently as a joint owner he has the right to petition for an order to force a sale, take his money and walk away - signing the property over to you with an agreement that you owe him money would make no sense at all.

If he has any sense he won't do it, but even if he did, with his past, do you want to be involved with him for years to come.

You are asking him to give you, in effect, an un secured loan of 90K, the agreement provides no security financially speaking, his name on the title does, if he has any financial nouse he will say no.

This is all hypothetical, I can’t see him agreeing to this, child or not.

If his equity stays in the house then any house he buys will be at the higher stamp duty rate. This is not a good financial decision for him.

If he did agree, and he is abuse like you say, then he is doing it for other reasons which are not going to end well.

Find something within your budget and have a clean break.

Thank you everyone for your answers and input, it was good to hear it spelt out what my intuitions was saying to me.

@ThatGladTiger I had not realised this, so unlikely he will say yes if that is the case.

I have texted him to organise a van next week to sort out the rubbish around the house for putting the house on the market asap (before I have time to come out with another stupid idea)