To hate the whole SEND system and everyone in it and wish they would all sod off

[ASimpleLampoon]

Not really but I'm just fed up.

I have one child in mainstream school. Has a health issue, no diagnosis, support plan in place in school. Everything is fine. Model student , great relationship with school.

I have a child with multiple disabilities /issues in a SEND school , considered "complex" and I am just fed up with doing my best but it never being enough.

I'm fed up of worrying if he'll want to go on his transport every day , or if we all get a call to pick him up.

I'm fed up of checking the school app every day , and waiting in e afternoon if I'm going to get a call to say he's had a bad day.

I'm fed up of the endless paperwork, the endless meetings , the phone calls, re waiting lists the appointments.

I don't want to talk to a teacher or support worker or pediatrician or OT or SALT.

I just want to have a normal day where I don't have to share with strangers every intimate detail of my life.
I constantly feel scrutinised and judged and like nothing I do is enough.

Yet I no longer have a .career or any hope of working more than part time, my social life is limited , I do have friends I meet up with but nowhere near the freedom I'd have if I wasn't a carer.

I don't have a life outside of caring for my child, and in a way that's OK, I love him and would do anything for him and he's amazing..

But I think I'm going to scream if I have to fill in one more form or go to one more appointment or one more meeting or speak to one more professional

I'm a. Private person and I can't stand the constant intrusion.

@BusterGonad - I agree. It has been a battle but generally we have been able to work with the education system. I wouldn't home educate and I do not love my son any less for making that decision. I also have to protect my health.

You only speak for yourself
we are all different.

When did anyone said you love your son less? My goodness I feel sorry for the OP her thread has been taken over my professional victims talking about themselves as if someone’s attacking them. Mind boggling behaviour!

I have three kids with ehcps. Two of those I had to appeal for. The last six months I wish I'd never got my youngest a ehcp and I'd love to tell the school and the LA to shove the ehcp up their bottom. I hate it all too. Middle child has a children with disabilities socail worker and I told her in his first CIN in a year, how I was struggling with my youngest. She suggested stepping us down from having a socail worker! I had just told her about my well planned plan to abandon the kids and leave dh as I'm getting ill with meetings, reports, lieing LA.

Then I though its good she only met us the once and didn't check his bedroom. It can remain a state and I will keep my musings to.mysrlf in future.

Really in a crisis the best plan I have is go off radar. No one helps they just cause more stress for what? A crap ehcp no one follows and I done a fair few judicial reviews and complaints.

When my mum.was dieing I told the last socail worker I was suicidal and she said I was coping amazingly 🤣. I really wasn't. I was at a mental health crisis hub at 10pm that night. The conclusion was to suck it up as there was no help.

Thank you!

Thank you, you get it.

@Signetsarah - Blimey 'victim'. @ASimpleLampoon - I absolutely understand how hard it is bringing up a child with complex needs. Thinking of you.

Thank you. That means a lot 😘

Appalling response. When one is a parent carer, very little in one's life is me me me. OP never sought to blame her child for her situation.

I understand OP. My ds is going through a change of placement and it feels like my life is consumed with speaking to professionals and addressing his SEN. Hugs to you.

Thanks!

Thanks, its not about my child or the disability its the whole system I have to deal with.

Thank you

Suggesting a mum on her knees home educate her dc with very complex needs? Fucking hell, did you forget how home schooling during COVID nearly broke the majority of us (with a tiny exception for those who loved it are clearly psychopaths)?

OP, I hear you. Today it feels overwhelming but tomorrow is a new day. Try to get a good night’s sleep, as that always helps cope better with things, and take things a day at a time. Some days it will feel less overwhelming.

Not quite the same, however my DD is dyslexic and had uncontrollable epilepsy (been seizure free for a long time now though). She's 25 now and I still worry, however those primary school years were rough. Waiting for the phone to ring to say she's had a seizure and dealing with the 'system' (both health and education) was the absolute pits. It was a struggle 15-20 years ago to get that support, god knows what its like now.

I cant offer any advice and I def do not want to say any platitudes, other than say you are not alone.

A poster talking about the impact her situation is having on her is “very me me me”? What? She’s reaching out for support, what on earth made you think your post was a normal response to someone doing that?

How am I professional victim because I didn’t like homeschooling and can use empathy to understand why a mum of a disabled dc wouldn’t want to do it. I’m not even saying I’m overwhelmed just hearing what the op has said.

Did you learn a new phrase that you don’t quite understand how to use it? 😂

Darling, you aren’t the only person with a disabled child :) the world doesn’t revolve around your lived experience.

So because it’s shit for you, no one else should share their struggles and should pretend everything is hunky dory? If home schooling works for you, great, I just think anyone suggesting it’s the answer for this poster isn’t reading what I’m reading.

We’re all different. Your opinion isn’t the only opinion, your interpretation isn’t the only interpretation. It’s actually offensive for the OP you think she can’t fight her own battles if she wanted to. Haven’t you got better things to do than hijack her thread?

“Darling” I don’t have any disabled dc and never experienced anything the op is describing, but I have empathy for a dm who does and is reaching out for support from the mn community. Maybe learn to read properly before bizarrely attacking my comments.

@Signetsarah - why are you hijacking the thread?