To be bothered by my children crying / whining?

[whattheladybirdherd]

Just seen a dad with a double buggy with twins walking around as they screamed (clearly needing a nap and fighting it) - dad carried on walking and talking to the older child he was with seemingly unbothered by it.

I realised this is true of a lot of parents - obviously don’t mean they like it but seem able to tune it out. I just can’t. If I’m honest it really bothers me and goes right through me. I’ve been known to wince and shake my head around when in a confined space like the car.

So are other parents just brilliant actors or is it that I have a pretty extreme reaction to it? My toddler is awful for screaming her head off in the car and it’s just awful.

Sometimes I can totally ignore it, sometimes (if I'm a bit stressed or overwhelmed) it feels like knives in my brain! I think you're definitely within a range of normal. As long as you can manage your outward emotional reaction to it.

Knives in the brain is SUCH a good description of what it’s like!

Likewise to a PP, if I'm already feeling overwhelmed or stressed it really bothers me.

If I'm on an even keel I can drown it out.

I can’t stand crying and high pitched noises from children, mine included.

I never ever could manage to be unbothered by it, I think my inability to deal with the whinging and crying and tantrums is why I felt like I was going insane 24/7 until my kids got old enough that they stopped!
i am autistic though I think it might be a sensory thing for me but I found it completely overwhelming to deal with. I'm always impressed when I see people calm and unbothered while their toddler is kicking off

Toddlers who are crying/screaming are communicating. We’re programmed to respond. I don’t think it’s particularly kind to drag upset DCs round a shop. But I’ve been a parent to toddlers and know very well that you can’t always stop their tears and also that sometimes you still need to get stuff done despite the tears!

I find it to be absolutely horrendous. My son’s whining goes right through me and I also wince. Even worse if my husband starts playing music or a YouTube video at the same time.

Haha it varies. I don’t mind actual crying by my 7yo sometimes does this particularly dramatic wail that makes me want to jump out of a window

I do most of my shopping online for this reason!

But I do have to have car journeys, otherwise we’d never leave the house and apart from the fact it’s definitely not in her best interests to not leave the house for weeks on end, I have two children so I do need to meet both needs.

It is a phase and I know she’ll come through it. But I hate the screaming!

God yes why do they do that?!

I tolerate screaming so much easier than whining and whinging as they get older because the screaming is a white noise that I can tune out and still think my own thoughts.

The verbal whinging and whining cuts right through me and I actually have rules about it now. Of course I'll acknowledge the disappointment, do the gentle "I know you're disappointed..." spiel first but then there is a warning for carrying on and then a punishment because, like you, I actually cannot cope with it.

I don't know how to explain it other than saying it feels physically violating, like it makes me feel the same physical flinching that I get if someone invades my personal space or touches me. It takes so much effort to keep calm and even then I often sound impatient.

This type of noise destroyed me and still does but I was diagnosed with ADHD and noise sensitivity kills me when I'm already overwhelmed.

I think it's definitely worse in an enclosed space like a car. It's much easier to cope with outdoor

I can’t stand it and I find it deeply annoying when other people continue to ignore their screaming children. Either deal with their needs or take them out. The whining that children do when you’ve said “no” promotes a visceral reaction in me and there is absolutely no way I’d change my mind when met with that. Fortunately my own children learnt that quickly 🤣

Well, but what can you do sometimes @LoveSandbanks ? Like with the dad … he was doing the right thing and walking them around and they were clearly on the verge of sleep but just fighting it. Trying to tend to them would have made it worse; they just needed to sleep!

We have a zero tolerance approach to whining, absolutely cannot bare it. Don’t understand how some parents put up with it.

Although I agree that it is awful and I do have to react to it, sometimes my reaction is to just grit my teeth and try to ignore it (especially with nap fighting as you say). Because otherwise I might completely lose the plot (not at them per se but start crying or screaming myself). And I think that’s possibly less helpful and healthy for the child to see! So if I can’t solve the problem for them, and they’ll get over whatever it is in time, I do try to just ignore it for that period of time!

It might come across as unfeeling to others, but I specifically remember my mum losing the plot at me and my sibling, and I don’t want to be like that.

Same. I will acknowledge it if they are hurt, unwell or genuinely upset. I ignore whining. Hate it. Use your words please and move on.

Yes my DH does this too. I have ASD and ADHD and I already find the screaming and whining completely overwhelming, I can’t stand the added extra noise too. Usually ends in me having to go sit in the quiet bedroom for a bit to try and regulate a bit before going back to parent my DC.

Wait for a pause in the sobs THEN give them your attention and say how nice it is they've stopped making such a racket. If it starts again ignore till the pause for breath then jump in and again say how nice it is, and by the 3rd time they've got it : whining/crying does not get your attention.

Same.

I have autism too. When my dc were tiny (they’re now 13 and 22) I found the constant crying absolutely soul destroying. I really couldn’t cope with it at all and I genuinely think it contributed to my severe pnd that I developed with my eldest. With my second I was more prepared for it and coped with it better as I knew it would pass but gosh it was fucking awful.