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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stingy step-son

6 replies

Blankscreen · 22/03/2025 11:27

I've posted on here before about my ss (21) who lives with us full time.

After bumming around for 2.5 years he finally got himself a job on a salary of £28k.

In the 2.5 year of bumming round he got suckered into trading and blew £13-£15k. Not sure of the exact amount as he's quite cagey but that is our guesstimate (me and DH).

Because he has blown all his money he is now in recovery mode and is so tight it is unbelievable. He constantly moans that he has no money and is so stingy which I simply cannot stand.

For example this morning we have run out of bread. He has appeared and wants to cook his usual breakfast of 4 eggs on toast.

He has sent a message to me and his dad saying can one of us get bread and has then gone out in his car (that we bought him!) I've called him to ask what is going on as he left the pan on the hob with water boiling, extractor in etc etc.

He's gone to buy himself some bread but me/ dad will need to get some later for the family.

WTF. Surely he could pick up 2 loaves of bread, when if I'm being petty he will be eating our eggs, butter and ketchup to go with his sodding bread.

He buys the cheap savers bread so would be about £1.

I know when I was that I age and living at home I would have bought a couple of loaves without thinking about it.

Just to add no doubt he will be buying protein yogurts and going on sunbeds in the next week or so so happy to spend on himself.

AIBU to think that he is beyond stingy or is he sensible?

OP posts:
AudiobookListener · 22/03/2025 11:32

He needs to

  1. Pay a realistic amount in board to cover the food he eats, household stuff he uses (toilet paper, washing up liquid etc) and a contribution to bills.
  1. He needs to contribute time to the task of being part of a family: helping with cooking, cleaning and shopping for everyone, not just himself.

OR ALTERNATIVELY

He needs to leave.

DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 11:33

Is there any chance he’s got no money as he’s trading again?

Longsummerdays25 · 22/03/2025 12:05

Gambling addiction, unless he is an investment banker then it’s likely he has serious issues.

Secondly he needs to be properly contributing OR he finds somewhere else to live. I would not be putting up with this.

festivemouse · 22/03/2025 12:06

Hide the eggs!!

thepariscrimefiles · 22/03/2025 12:16

Is he contributing anything for bills/food? If not, he needs to start paying something. Having four eggs for breakfast is ridiculous and leaving them boiling on the hob while he goes out is dangerous.

How do you and your DH split the finances? Does he pay more for his son?

LurkyMcLurkinson · 22/03/2025 12:17

Tell him his own cautious and strict approach with money has made you and his father reevaluate your own finances and realise you’ve been massively undercharging him. Then give him a new figure which doesn’t include any food as he’s keen to only buy for himself. Tell him you’re very grateful to him for highlighting where you were going wrong and he’s an example to you all. I’m sure he’ll be kicking himself then and you’ll get a great laugh.

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