Staying out

[ZingyPanda]

AIBU? I have a son who is almost 19; he goes to college, lives at home and has a girlfriend who lives on campus at Uni in nearby city. A few nights ago he went over to GF’s and wasn’t back in the morning. My husband and I both spoke with him saying we didn’t mind him staying out but he must let us know if he wouldn’t be home . All agreed - everyone happy. Fast forward three days and DS has done this again. My husband has now said it’s not a battle worth having. However, I want to know that he’s safe and not coming home; what’s the point in boundaries and not enforcing them? Bearing in mind his age am I being unreasonable to think that there should still be a consequence.

In the main, I think I’m annoyed DS’s done it again, and further annoyed as Dad now doesn’t see a problem with him staying out and not letting us know he won’t be home. Where as three days ago it wasn’t ok! Am I overthinking this?!

I think that is reasonable for him to let you know he isn't planning on coming home. Maybe he doesn't want to commit to anything, but could at least say he doesn't think he will be home.

Your multiple threads about this have been deleted. This will be too.

I duno it's hard. If he's living at home he should respect reasonable requests but similarly plenty of 19 year olds don't live at home so don't have to check in so from a safety aspect I'm not sure there's too much of a difference.

Can he text you when he knows he's staying out?. So when you wake up you see it and know he's ok.

My DS is 18 and away at uni. When he's home it's difficult parenting an adult but we have a few ground rules - confirm if not in for tea before it's cooked, confirm if not home that night and don't make a noise coming in late as I'm up for work tomorrow.

I have 3 adult children living at home. The rule is that I don't need to know what they are doing, not my business now they are adults, however for my piece of mind they need to give me a quick text to say they're not coming home or at the very least one the next morning to say they're OK.

This has more or less always worked.