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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is DP?

33 replies

itsjustacar · 21/03/2025 20:47

We have a car on finance. It’s in my name. (We split bills approx equally but not by paying 50/50 - by taking set bills each to equate to approx 50/50 - hence the car in my name and I pay it). I felt pressured with this car to get one that was more than I wanted to spend (by DP - bigger to accommodate his older DC and a brand new on as he insists they’re more reliable).

I know I am an adult and responsible for my own choices - and I should have stood firm. Anyway, the car is now at approx. The break even point of the contract. I am so tempted to sell it, pay off the finance and just buy a smaller, cheaper one outright. DP is very, very against this.

Wibu just to do it? It’s ‘calculated’ towards my share of the bills but I don’t like having the debt in my name as if we split it’s my burden.

OP posts:
DearBee · 21/03/2025 20:49

If he wants the nice big car, he should put it on finance himself and you take on one of the other bills to even things out.

Brefugee · 21/03/2025 20:50

Get the car you want, and find a better way of splitting bills. Or maybe even splitting back into 2 households.

Endofyear · 21/03/2025 21:58

Is the car for both your use? If so, it's not unreasonable that he wants a bigger car to accommodate his older dc.

Stripeyanddotty · 21/03/2025 22:01

It must be head wrecking living like this …

Devianinc · 21/03/2025 22:50

Can he not buy his own car for his own kids and you have a car for yourself. Why does he get to tell you what to do or what you want. I’d tell him to take a walk

LoremIpsumCici · 21/03/2025 22:57

the car is now at approx. The break even point of the contract. I am so tempted to sell it, pay off the finance and just buy a smaller, cheaper one outright. DP is very, very against this.

If the car is at the break even point, then you’d be selling it for what you owe, and get £0 net for it. So how will you have the money to buy a cheaper, smaller car outright?

Original poster
itsjustacar · 22/03/2025 06:05

@LoremIpsumCici I have some savings I could use

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 22/03/2025 06:18

Yes, get rid of the car finance. We’ve never done PCPs unlike most of our relatives and I think they were a bit shocked when they realised we owe nothing on our cars. Play the Ramsey show to your DH.

Maray1967 · 22/03/2025 06:20

What made an impact on me was the Ramsey point about how debt plays on you, even if technically you can afford it. And yes you are right that he should not be pushing the debt on you - but because he has, you are in control now and you can get out of it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/03/2025 06:24

If you swap so it essentially becomes a car for you rather than a family car and DP has to get another does it mean they are going to come out of personal spends so you essentially then have to pick up another bill to get back to 50/50 and can you afford that?

AppropriateAdult · 22/03/2025 06:47

If it’s a shared car, then it does of course need to be big enough to accommodate whatever children each of you have. Why do you feel it as such a burden - are you struggling to afford the repayments?

Original poster
itsjustacar · 22/03/2025 07:22

So to clarify on the size - his older dc rarely comes on family outings etc anymore (doing a levels and works a part time job weekend near mums house). Our own dc also have less bulky car seats now so we could make do with smaller car.

@AppropriateAdult its a burden because 1. It’s very expensive and more than I feel comfortable paying for a car and 2. If we split up or he died or I got ill or anything etc etc it’s my debt.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/03/2025 07:42

The other alternative is to have a joint account for all bills and all bills in joint names.

Rootsmaneouvring · 22/03/2025 07:50

Do you have a second family car that’s big enough to accommodate all the DC? I think if it’s the only car in the household it does need to be big enough for all of you, even if the older DC don’t come out with you as often. Surely if you split up you would just sell it if you didn’t want to keep it for yourself?

babasaclover · 22/03/2025 07:58

More worrying is why you keep alluding to the fact if you split. Do you plan to? If not then why the constant worry. It’s just a car, enjoy it and pay for it and don’t worry so much

Fuuuuuckit · 22/03/2025 08:08

If you're married it effectively is considered joint debt, and would go into the pot to be divvied up*. The car (and any individual savings you have) would also go in the pot, along with house equity, pensions, credit card debt etc.

*Short term you would be responsible for paying the finance If you did split up, but you could just sell the car, so I'm not sure why it's an issue in that regard?

DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 08:09

It’s your car and money, have the car you want.

Notimeforit · 22/03/2025 08:10

You pay, you decide.

EG94 · 22/03/2025 08:16

Why don’t you calculate what you are paying now then calculate the total amount all bills come to and car if it’s a shared asset as he says it is and divide that by two. Then you’re both paying for the car and maybe you’ll feel better about it.

if you were really against the debt in your name, as you said you should of done something about it as an adult. But if you felt bullied into the car, bully your husband into changing it or him taking a loan to settle the finance and him paying the loan.

your idea of joint comes to me as not joint at all and I’d say if it’s working for you fine but it doesn’t seem to be.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 22/03/2025 08:18

IMO car finance is the biggest scam of
modern times. I drive a ten year old car that I’ve had 6 years and will continue to until it gives up the ghost. If he wants to drive a diff car that should be from his money.

Buttonknot · 22/03/2025 08:18

If DP wants this car and you don't feel happy about it, could you transfer it to his name and you take over a different bill? I agree with you that you shouldn't have a debt in your sole name if you're not happy with that.

LoveWine123 · 22/03/2025 08:34

You say that you pay about 50/50 for all expenses. So that means your husband also pays about the same amount in other bills. If you are both paying almost equally then what is the problem? You have this debt in your name but your husband presumably has other bills in his name so how is it different for you compared to him? If he dies or leaves then you will be stuck with paying for all bills for yourself anyway. If it’s just the fact that it’s a debt then why don’t you move it to his name and you take another bill that he currently pays in your name so that the debt is his but you are still paying equally.

It does sound very transactional though…are your finances shared?

AlwaysCoffee25 · 22/03/2025 08:40

LoveWine123 · 22/03/2025 08:34

You say that you pay about 50/50 for all expenses. So that means your husband also pays about the same amount in other bills. If you are both paying almost equally then what is the problem? You have this debt in your name but your husband presumably has other bills in his name so how is it different for you compared to him? If he dies or leaves then you will be stuck with paying for all bills for yourself anyway. If it’s just the fact that it’s a debt then why don’t you move it to his name and you take another bill that he currently pays in your name so that the debt is his but you are still paying equally.

It does sound very transactional though…are your finances shared?

Edited

Because 50% of a bill you don’t want or value is still too much.

LoveWine123 · 22/03/2025 08:43

AlwaysCoffee25 · 22/03/2025 08:40

Because 50% of a bill you don’t want or value is still too much.

Show quote history

I agree. But the time to say or do something is long gone. She should have spoken up before. The only thing to do now is convince him to sell it and sounds like he won’t budge. She keeps talking about the debt and him leaving or dying so the debt part is also what worries her so the way to manage this is to transfer it into his his name.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 22/03/2025 08:45

LoveWine123 · 22/03/2025 08:43

I agree. But the time to say or do something is long gone. She should have spoken up before. The only thing to do now is convince him to sell it and sounds like he won’t budge. She keeps talking about the debt and him leaving or dying so the debt part is also what worries her so the way to manage this is to transfer it into his his name.

Show quote history

She’s entitled to reassess after a period of time.