To be pissed off with therapy

[Iwilladmit]

Therapy is teaching me to stand up for myself and have boundaries. Great.

apart from now I notice when people walk over me and I have to do something about it. And that in itself has pissed me off.

anyone else?

I'm not sure what you're looking for from this but I had issues with boundaries previously and was a chronic people pleaser. I think the initial stage of starting to set boundaries can be quite jarring because people firstly don't expect it because you have already set the standard that you're fine with what they ask of you, are always accommodating and it can feel really uncomfortable changing that - for you because it feels strange and unusual to do, and for them because it's unexpected and not your normal response.

I personally had no issue with people chancing their arm initially - to my mind it was kind of my fault for setting that tone and not communicating or acknowledging my own needs. What DID bother me was when people got really annoyed about it or persisted to try and break my boundaries. The people I keep in my life now are the ones who respected my no's straight away and supported that personal growth. The others I just took much less to do with. It's a great filter for rubbish friends.

If you're feeling like you're having to cut too many people out with it then I would see that as a sign you've outgrown your social circle and id invest time in making new friendships - start some hobbies/ make more of an effort with people you haven't spoken that much to and be open to new friendships and just focus on yourself and doing what you enjoy.

I understand why you might be frustrated with the therapy because I guess it maybe feels like accountability to follow through on the awkward things - but ultimately if you want things to get better and your previous status quo wasn't working for you (I'm guessing it must at least in part be why you're in therapy in the first place) then this is something you need to do irregardless- so I'd look at therapy as support while you do the hard thing rather than resenting it if that makes sense? Therapy is definitely work and often can feel worse before you feel better so have grace with yourself. I still voted yanbu because your feelings (if a bit misdirected) are still valid feelings to have given what you're trying to do and I applaud you for it.

You don't have to do anything. The thing about assertiveness is that you don't have to be assertive all the time. If being assertive with a boss will get you sacked, look for another job.

One of the first things I was taught in therapy is that boundaries are for you, not for other people. So you decide when something is enough and react accordingly.

I feel similarly about my PTSD therapy.
Its done wonders for processing the flashbacks and nightmares of specific bullying and abuse traumas, but now i'm at the point i have to face and work on my self esteem, or more precisely my total lack of it, and stop letting it affect how i behave in life. Especially with my completely loving partner who i massively shy away from with physical touch as i'm scared he'll feel or see a roll and be disgusted by me because ive been conditioned to feel disgusting by said bullies.
So much easier in thought than in practice.

@Iwilladmit

@Lavender14 is absolutely spot on.

Setting boundaries, takes courage and initially, that is scary and uncomfortable.

The more you exercise your right to challenge those who push it, the easier it becomes.

I lost quite a few people from my life, I’m a bit more lonely but then I was lonely with them as I wasn’t my real self.

If you are starting to set new boundaries with people, it will be hard for a bit while they adjust to new patterns themselves (or push back). It will be easier with people you set the boundaries with from the get go.