To be annoyed at a colleague pointing out I'm wearing make-up?

[KookyShark]

I've worn make-up every day I've gone into the office for the past few years at my current workplace. I think I have the natural make-up look down and FINALLY found a light foundation (actually a tinted moisturiser) that matches my skin tone really well. I then just wear mascara, blush, bronzer and eyebrow tint. I've been wearing this for a few months.

My colleague pointed out on one occasion that I was wearing make-up and had my hair down. I thought this was weird as I always wear this make-up and it's not unusual for me to wear my hair down and styled. She's also made comments about me losing weight (pretty normal for a post break-up glow up).

Well recently, in front of other people, she said she liked my make-up and then asked was I wearing it for any special reason. I said no, I always wear make-up to work. I was wearing my usual make-up and nothing heavier than normal.

This colleague has said a few things about me becoming single in my thirties after a LTR. I've never been single in my working career (only at uni). So maybe I am particularly sensitive. BUT she's made me feel terrible about it and it's nearly like she's insinuating that I'm making myself look nice because I'm interested in men at work. Our company is relatively small and most people are in relationships. I would never never never never never be interested in anyone single or not (I'm strongly against cheating) or put my career at risk like that. It's baffling to me that she's insinuating this as I would never consider it or have any desire.

She's asked if I would consider dating people at work, pointed out who's single and said 'when I talk to men at work, they relax once they realised I'm married'. Making me feel like if I'm seen chatting to men at work, people will assume I'm trying it on / a single woman talking to a man must be interested in him.

It feels like it's nearly every day with this colleague and I'm getting really tired of it. I just want to go into work and do my job. I do feel like I've been treated differently at work since I ended my LTR. Nearly like I'm so out of place if I'm not married at my age. It actually feels like it could be damaging to my career. Friends have suggested it might be in my head but the make-up comments are now making me think it might not be.

I never thought about the stigma women face for being single in their thirties or thought it was this bad. It's so sad as well that I've experienced it mainly from women. I'm so relieved to be out of my LTR (better single than dead if you know what I mean) so when I've faced these attitudes, I'm part incredulous, part disappointed, part having a chuckle to myself thinking if only you knew. As women, can we stop being so judgmental about whether a woman is in a relationship or has kids. Normalise being single. It's better for women be single than in a dangerous relationship and now we have the means to support ourselves and not rely on a man for an income/roof over our heads.

I think there’s no malice but that you may unintentionally be defining/linking yourself to your relationship status. If everyone knows you’re single, it may just be harmless fun in trying to set you up again, like a moving on thing - something that people do unsolicited sometimes.

the way to handle it to express that you’re not interested in anyone and engage only work related comments

curious to know how you were like in the relationship that’s ended, did you constantly talk about your partner that people might think you’re can’t cope without one?

Tell her you find her comments about you unacceptably intrusive and if she doesn't stop it with immediate effect you'll report her either to HR or to her next in command,

I'm thinking that she's trying to be encouraging?

She's a bitch. Clearly jealous of you. Needs to point out you're wearing makeup so nobody thinks you're being so pretty without makeup. I never wear makeup because I can't be arsed but would never comment on anyone else wearing it. Also I do not feel intimidated around beautiful women, quite the contrary, I appreciate their beauty in a detached non sexual way like artwork etc.

You need to shame her back: when people says everyones at ease around her because she's married tell her most extramarital affairs start at the workplace and on the contrary a married man who wanted to have a fling would choose a married woman over a single every day, less hassle.
When she talks about your makeup return it to her saying "what is it you're wearing? I can recommend a super blusher if you're interested."
You're single because you're waiting for mr Right. You won't do as so many others you know (looking at her) just be with a partner to not be alone. I'm comfortable in my skin and not desperate to meet anyone, if it happens it happens."
Don't let her put you down. Be flattered by her trying to put you down- she is clearly jealous of your looks so keep on smiling. Your happiness is the best answer to her bitchiness.💗

The other way to look at this is, why do people.say stupid stuff?
OP wears make up, so does colleague.

Colleague could say, "I like your make up", or "Do you have plans for later?" but instead is acting like a 14 year old in the school toilets at break time.

The colleague sounds incredibly tedious and as a PP has said, grey rock responses are best here.

It sounds like she's making constant subtle digs at you. Pretending to be supportive but actually trying to make you feel small.
Don't let her get to you. It's all her! I'm sure no one else cares what your relationship status is. You're there to work, not have your private life analysed. If she carries on, I'd have a word with my line manager.

Ugh this is rubbish. I absolutely hate any comments on appearance at work like this. A compliment fine but this sounds horribly awkward and she's trying to make you feel really self conscious. Just shut it down or totally ignore her.

Colleague os jealous , please go full on glam

Did this start when you became single? Sometimes, some women seem very threatened when another woman becomes single. Just smile and keep saying what you’ve said. So what if you do your hair and make up for work, you’re doing it for you so she can 🖕🏻

Friends have suggested it might be in my head but the make-up comments are now making me think it might not be.

I'm in the minority of voting in thinking your friends may have a point (and they will know you better than any of us randos on here).

She sounds like a bit of a broken record but I think you're putting 2 + 2 together to come up with 5 regarding her behaviour indicating stigma towards single 30 something women in the workplace. I'm not saying stigma doesn't exist, but just that I don't think her behaviour necessarily indicates this.

Jealous was the first word that sprang to my mind especially then commenting on the weight loss?

I wear make up everyday, eyeliner mascara, foundation and blush, can't wear lippy because I always forget and wipe it 🤣 and I've been doing that since I was 18 and I've been with my husband since I was 17! (I'm 34 now) So that whole comment about putting make up on just because your single is rubbish.

Also I would have been very tempted to say, yeah I like wearing make up, I'm surprised you don't? And let her think what u meant by that lol

If she won't stop you could always say
You seem very interested in my appearance all of a sudden. Why is that?

that is bitchy
someone commented similar to me once, at the school pick up! <<not a euphamism>>

“Do you know I’ve never met someone at work quite so interested in my make up and relationships/personal life” with a smiling, friendly but amused/puzzled look.

I don’t think you need to analyse why she says these things.

I’d just say something like “Did you know that’s the fourth time you’ve mentioned my hair and make up? I’m not sure why it’s so interesting to you.”

Should be enough to make her realise it’s weird and stop her doing it.

This, and then give her a concerned look and say 'Is everything OK at home?'

Yes but jealous of what?

This. Genius.

Hmm. Looking at your post, she’s only commented twice about your makeup, and in a positive way? And you seem quite paranoid about the ‘stigma’ of being single, which I don’t think would occur to most women to be honest. I think you could be projecting a bit. Your friends have told you this is in your head, and I think perhaps they might be right.

Have just remembered I had a colleague, now retired who would comment on my clothes almost every day. Some highlights:
Blue and white dress: Oh, you look like Alice in Wonderland.
Tan belted dress: Are you on safari?
Khaki cotton jacket: you look like you are in the Army
Leather midi skirt: Goodness, are you in the SS?

All said in the way of 'a joke', but deeply annoying. I just used to stare at her, silently, in response. It smacked of insecurity, and a need to put down a younger, popular member of staff. She is someone who made not caring about clothes/grooming part of her personality, and a sign of superior morals and intelligence. Unfortunately it would have been inappropriate to say, "Good week at the jumble sale, Jackie?'

I have worked with a few women who like to chat like this, and each time it has been meant to be friendly and an attempt to deepen the relationship. I do think for that reason that you're being sensitive when she doesn't mean any harm but thinks she's being friendly. A quick way to test that theory is to take her aside and say that her comments on your appearance and on being single are making you uncomfortable, so while you know she means well please stop. She will stop, or you can then ask HR to step in and put a stop to it.

in a different time zone so getting back to this thread. I reread the OP. I may have been over personalizing this…In my workplace experience there is always a subculture of colleagues who don’t groom themselves in anyway and no one says anything because this is acceptable in medicine(I don’t mean showering mean hair nails makeup clothes) and there’s a reverse of criticizing you if you do. where OP says….it feels like something everyday.made me
think it’s pointed and not friendly getting to know you chit chat. And they don’t seem like compliments they sound like inquiries…not your hair looks nice but oh your hair is down. It still sounds like jealousy to me and I would never to say to a recently single colleague anything even remotely indicating she is “looking” for a man (or woman) to be involved with from the narrow work place pool. Op I still think she is not friendly maybe not as jealous as I felt last night reading post but I would still stop the comments with the phrases I and others have suggested. I don’t think it’s harmless.

She is goading you, ignore her or tell her to Stfu wasting your time.

I agree with this, or you could say 'I find all your personal comments inappropriate.'

Doesn't matter why she's doing it, it's work and she needs to stop.

She is behaving very oddly, quite possibly jealously. I would either practice a polite but very clear put down like “Oh Sally, I hate to do this but it’s not really appropriate to commment on people’s appearance. I just wouldn’t want to not say and people think you’re being unprofessional” or if the PA thing is not your bag I’d speak to her manager.